Need advice about a 3 yr old.. Serious answers only please?

Question

I was in an abusive marriage and I left him but we have a 3 yr old daughter together. He was seeing her every other weekend. Well in July my bf's mom went to go pick her up and all she kept saying was she was going to get a knife and cut herself and make herself bleed. She was obsessed with it and went on for hours. She was acting out in rages where she would try and hurt herself throw anything she could carry. She would bite herself, hit kick anybody that came near her and she would hide in a corner and nobody could touch her. That would last sometimes 2 hours then she would come to me and calm down and go to sleep. She also kept saying she was scared. I took her to the doctor. She is going to be evaluated by a child physciarist in Jan. I have contacted Child Protective Services and no investigation has been done. He has not seen her in 4 months and wants to see her now. I don't know what to do. Does it sound like she is being abused? Should I let her go? Help!!!!!!!

Answer 1

DO NOT LET HIM SEE HER! Keep calling CPS! Everyday until you have results. Call your local State Rep

Contact a lawyer or the courts ASAP. Legally you have NO obligation to "release" her to him if there is suspicion of abuse (even with a court order visitation in place). The other thing is ask the doctor if he has called CPS with his concerns after her visit. Usually if a Doctor gets involved CPS will do something. Don't wait till Jan....look for a Child Therapist in your area that also specializes in Role play. Through role play the therapist can find out where these troubles and fears are coming from

Answer 2

I am almost in the same boat. I have a 3 and 2 year old, both boys. The relationship I had with their father just ended last week. It was not an abusive relationship, sorry for yours by the way. But, my 3 year old has been acting out A LOT since the separation. I am not sure what to do myself. I wish you the best of luck and definitely get the doctor involved. He/She may be able to help your daughter understand what's going on. She is more than likely acting that way and self-destructive because of what she has had to be around with your husband. I wish you the best.

Answer 3

GET TO COURT NOW. Don't wait for the evaluation. If this is something that only happens when she visits her father than SOMETHING BAD is happening. Something like this happened to my boy and myself. The relationship was sooooo abusive that the judge cut off all relations with my son and his father. That was BEFORE I found out he did things to my two year old son. It was "just once" but it was enough for me! So I called CPS and they said since the child wasn't living in his home there was nothing they could do. Makes no damn sense.
Your daughter is most likely having night terrors and something is going on with her. My son had night terrors for two years almost.
IF your ex has an order that he can see the child he can see her. You can't stop him! That's why I say get to court again because it's your responibility to speak up for this child, I know you know that. I'm not trying to be preachy. Just trying to help.
Somethings going on with your child and now more than ever she needs YOU later in life it may get worse and she could end up hurting herself or some one else.
Good luck to you, I know this is hard. Feel free to Email me if you want to talk or just to vent. I've been there so I understand a bit of what your saying.
Remember if you don't change that order [if there is one] and you deny him access you can go to jail.

IF THERE IS NOT AN ORDER GET ONE. Legally he could take her if there is no order of custody. I've been through that too, didn't see my daughter for 3 years. Call legal aid if you can't afford an attorney. Or victim witness may be able to help you or at the very least guide you in the way you need to go.

Edited to add: my son was 2 when we went through this.

Answer 4

She may be witnessing things while she was with her dad that she should not be seeing. If he was abusive to you, he maybe abusive to her. Your RIGHT as a parent is to protect your child from anyone and everyone including her father. Do not let her go!! Your job is to keep her save even from him. At 3, children do not just come up with the things you are telling us. If she says she is scared, that means she is. Please do not let her go with her father. I would talk to him and see what he has to say also, then put him in his place. Contact Child Protective Services again and see what the hold up is. You will need all you can get to stop his visitation.

Answer 5

You are right to be concerned. I would not let her go. I have a four year old son, and he has an imagination but nothing like that. You need to put your childs needs first. Tell him she had a hard time last time and he can only see her under your parents or your supervision. He was abusive to you, he may pass that on to her. I would contact an attorney, and call child services again. And if you do let her go, and this continues, contact the police so its on record and keep her away.

Answer 6

There really is no easy answers here, I think taking her to the doctor was good and I also think having a psychologist/ psychrist checking her out is better. But more background information would help, Like was your ex abusive to the child, or in front of her ? Are you divorced? if so and there is a visitation order in place you could be in contempt for refusing his visatations, so if you feel that you are trying to protect your child you should get an attorney ASAP and request that he have supervised visatation on a temporary basis until you and the doctors can find out why she is afraid and acting out.I hope that she is only upset that her parents aren't together and she is trying to get her anger out .

Answer 7

When that first happened you should have brought her to the ER to be examined so they could have witnessed and noted this psychotic behavior. Obviously she saw something traumatic. Now your stuck with a possibly a court order that allows the father to see the child and nothing more you can do but either one not let her go and be in contempt of court. I suggest you go to the courts and try to get this mess fixed, but good luck with no proof. All you can mainly try for now is that since its been 4 months with no contact at such an early age to ask for shorter visits, Maybe limiting to 6 hours at a time. Good Luck and next time don't drop the ball and get things down when things happen!!

Answer 8

When my daughter is 3years old, she only think about how Cinderella become a princess and know who is Ariel, Jasmine and Bellella.
Because this is what we want her child hood to be.
Your behaviour such a way because some one has introduce all those thing to her and is very bad for her child hood judging from the effect it has on her.
Avoid your ex at all cause, and report it to your physciarist and seek any legal advise that you can use to prevent your ex to see your daughter FOREVER!

Answer 9

That is seriously freaky behavior for a 3 year old. I'd be very very concerned. Maybe she was not in his care all the time and some one else abused her. Maybe he abused her. It does not have to be sexual either. Something is really really wrong here. Call another doctor you need help now. Call an abused shelter. I'd do something before he sees her again.

Answer 10

aawww, the poor little girl. I would not let her go!! Evidently she's been exposed to some things that she never should of. I dont want to say that she was abused, maybe she was, but I wouldnt take any chances until you get down to the bottom of this. I am really glad that your getting her help.If your ex calls the police, explain what happened and whats going to happen. I doubt that they would make her go. Give your daughter a hug for me.