man, do i need help with this?

Question

i have been divorced now for six months and have decided on seeing somone. i am also the proud dad of twin five yr old boys. i have been seeing this girl now for two months and she keeps insisting that me, my boys her and her son get together and start to get to know one another...iam soooo not ready for this....my gut tells me that my boys have a mom and i just dont feel like its time yet...she is losing patience and iam about at my wits end...these kids have gone through enough already and the last thing i need to do is to add more confusion ontop of it...can someone tell me if they have been through this before, or should i just go with the flow? and YES, i have told her how i feel, but she thinks its not a big deal

Answer 1

1) Your perspective is very wise and mature... Yes I have gone through this a couple of times... and you're correct it is not fair to the kids.
- It doesn't matter how she feels about anything in your life... What does matter is how YOU feel. Don't let her guilt trip you into doing things you don't want to do.
2) I don't know why (probably the MOM thing) but ladies always want to get the families together right away...
- My approach to this is to wait at least a year... If you're still together... a lot of things will have changes within that year...
- If the lady has a problem with you protecting your family then I would say her intentions are certainly questionable because she should understand that. If she doesn't then it's not your problem and you should look for a more mature lady (trust me) because this is not the only problem you will have with this one..
3) you probably do this already but I'm mentioning it anyway:
- Don't let her take sooo much of your time that you neglect time with your own family..
- good luck and hold your ground.

Answer 2

although I come from a family where the parents were divorced,
I can't claim I've been through this, but Man, you're a father, and your gut feeling is what matters. the girl may be nice and all. but you have two kids to care about more than you do about what she thinks or wants. you've made it clear to her "what you think", and she should respect that. and yes.. I couldn't agree more. your kids are too young to start dealing with another woman being around their dad in the picture of "mom". while they still have their mom. take things slowly, and if she doesn't want to respect that, then move on. it's her problem. not yours.

Answer 3

I think your gut reaction is the right one. Your children are going through enough change right now. They don't need another one. If it was me, i would not have my children spend time with a potential mate until I knew that I was past all the relationship hurdles and that she/he could be the one. The last thing your children need is to make another bond only to have it taken away if your relationship does not work out. If your gf cannot understand or appreciate that, then she does not have your childrens best interest in mind, she has her own. You would not want that type of woman in your childrens life anyway, right?

Answer 4

I went thru this many years ago. I have now been married 26 plus years. You have to tell her in no uncertain terms that it is a big deal to you. That when you are ready to make a commitment to her and your relationship then you will include your boys in the relationship. let her know how you feel about her and if you are serious then only time will tell when the two of you can start the potential extended family thing. if she need convincing how you feel then only you can make her comfortable in your relationship. if it has gotten intimate then be honest with yourslef and her - she has made a commitment to you - don't use her be honest.

Answer 5

Maybe she could meet your boys without her kids present, for a couple of times. But if this lady is that pushy to get what she wants, you might ant to look for signs of it in other aspects of your life. If she's that rude with the waitresses when you go out, it could be a serious personality flaw. If it's only with you, maybe she's just got serious feelings for you, but you need to discuss a more appropriate way to express them.Tell her your kids haven't figured out what divorce means yet and you're not ready to turn things upside down on them.

Answer 6

Okay, if you're not willing to let your kids meet her then she thinks you're not serious about her. She's not going to try to replace their mom but since she's a mom she might be a little protective of them as a mother is. And, some men don't want to introduce their kids to others if they still have feelings for their ex.

Answer 7

Listen, if you've explained to her that you're just not ready to introduce your children to anyone because of their age or you just don't want to and she doesn't seem to care you need to let her go. She sounds way to damn pushy and why would you want to keep someone around you and possibly be involved with someone that is already showing signs of being bossy and inconsiderate to your feelings. Do yourself a favor and move on. Cut your losses.

Answer 8

stick to your guns.. i mean no body has a better understanding of your kids then you.. and i think your exactly right not to put them threw to much so soon i mean its only been 6 months.. they need sometime to adjust..

just tell her when you feel your boys are ready then thats when you'll do it until then stop pressuring..

i imagine its a lot to handle on a 5 yr old.. and they need the time to adjust

Answer 9

Well if you have told her how you feel and she does not respond to that well then I would let her go. Obviously you are not yet ready for a serious relatioship and she is. There are definately more women out there

Answer 10

Try assembly up with him for a informal date and ask him...head to head nice strategy to get reply. Give him improvement of the doubt til you understand for certain. If that had been his woman then she could have both requested "who is that this" or what the F***. If you name and regularly get voicemail I could be worried-that might imply it dont wish to reply if she is there. what do you bought to lose if you happen to meet him for dinner?