i have been engaged for 4 years but i met a guy and i had physical relationship with him...my finace wants to end the relationship but i am certain i will not take such a step again in my life.. but i cannot satisfy him , he does not trust me no more.... i do not want to leave him.... what should i do? i am not in touch with the other guy atall.
2006-12-11 04:29:14 · 41 answers · asked by meeee m 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Some people believe once a cheater always a cheater, however it really is up to your fiance as to whether he wants to try and trust you again. You will have to try like hell to gain his trust back but, he will have to be willing to be open to letting you. Unfortunately for you, men are not as likely as women to forgive you for this act of betrayal.
Good luck.
2006-12-11 04:35:00 · answer #1 · answered by Binky 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only one that can determine whether or not you "get another chance" is your fiance. What you have done has undermined his trust--and without trust any relationship is doomed for failure. He is the only one that is going to be able to determine if he can forgive and forget what you've done. The part about you "not being in touch with the other guy" doesn't really play any part in this. Granted it may help that you aren't going out with him for coffee every Tuesday "as friends". But this whole issue is about you, your actions, and the effects on your fiance.
I have a very good friend who also cheated on her long time boyfriend. She was very drunk...but it really didn't matter, she did it, he found out. They broke it off for about 6 months, but now they have decided that they truly love one another and are willing to try again. So, you never know what will happen.
The best advise I can give, is to give it some time and give him some space. (And I mean enough space to even date other women). If it is meant to be, then it will be. If not, then no matter how hard you try or how much you put into it, it won't work out in the long run. Besides, you've had a pretty long engagement as it is...there may be a very good reason for waiting so long to actually get married...but I'm guessing its because one or the both of you down deep are not sure that this is what you want. Since you did cheat...then maybe you should take this time to do some soul searching to determine the "why".
Good luck--I know this is probably not what you are looking to hear.
2006-12-11 04:44:02 · answer #2 · answered by Heather 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you got yourself in a little pickle here....
- Why have you been *engaged* for 4 years? Why haven't you got married?
- What does it mean that you can not 'satisfy' your fiance'?
- How did you meet this fling? WHY did you meet this fling (is probably the better question)?
- How did you let it get to the point of intimacy with someone you're not engaged to??
- How can you be so 'certain' you will not stray again?
Do you now see why it's tough to recover trust once it's lost? If you don't have trust, you aren't going to make it.. period. If you really do love this guy, you may have to let him go and let him come to terms with what happened. It's only in this scenario that he will be able to work through the shame, anger, and lack of trust he has with you. IF you are truly comitted to him, and only him, you may need to give him whatever time he needs, and hope that he will find a way to trust you as his friend first... then maybe (and that's a BIG maybe), you two can find some common ground to work from to re-establish your relationship.
Be prepared. I'm guessing that less than 20% of relationships that involve infidelity actually work out... short or long term. But if you are willing to give him time, and show that you can be true to him and want to make this work... then maybe.. you might have a chance.
Best of luck~
2006-12-11 04:46:15 · answer #3 · answered by rollng_thundr 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't agree with everyone when they say once a cheater always a cheater. I do know from experience and that is not always the case. However, You have been engaged for 4 years and if you were feeling secure with your relationship you would have never cheated. Normally someone will cheat if they feel as if they were being neglected and or if they had doubts and Im sure you have had your doubts. It's hard to let go of someone that you have been with for 4 years or longer, and especially with him no longer trusting you, it's best that you move on. You would not be able to leave your house or go out with your girlfriends without him questioning you or wondering what you were doing and god forbid if you came home late one time. So I ask you this, What kind of relationship is it when there is no trust? Eventually after him accusing you of cheating because he will do just that, your going to get sick of it and will leave anyways. It's better to break it off now while they aren't any strings attached.
2006-12-11 05:36:25 · answer #4 · answered by PNutty 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two problems here: (1) You've been engaged for 4 years -- that's WAY too long, and (2) You cheated on him. Sounds to me like you both wanted out of this relationship but neither one of you could bring yourselves to end it. You know, it wasn't really what either of you wanted but having someone was better than not having anyone at all...Unfortunately, there isn't much you can do here. He doesn't trust you and you earned that one by messing around behind his back. All you can do right now is accept his decision. Over time, you may be able to regain his trust, but I don't want to mislead you here -- your chances of getting back together with him are not good. He may decide that he wants you out of his life and never wants to see or hear from you again, and if that's the case there's nothing you can do to change his mind. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but that's what happens when you commit yourself to someone and then have a relationship with someone else...
2006-12-11 04:45:06 · answer #5 · answered by sarge927 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How long was the relationship? If it was a one time thing that might be one thing, but if indeed you enjoyed the bed with the other person for sometime, then how can you blame him. Same thing would be the case if it were him? Ask yourself--if he deceived you for a while --which involves lies, trickery, chance of disease etc. how much a chance would you give him?
Remember, if he has to be talked into forgiving you, that indeed has scarred your relationship--maybe without a healing. You might have to accept the consequences. If on the other hand, he is judging you unfairly, for a mistake, then you might be better off severing the tie. A mistake is different than a purposeful plan of cheating.--You might have to do some rearranging of your thinking for the next time, something good comes along.
2006-12-11 04:48:04 · answer #6 · answered by THA 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cheaters should never get a second chance! If you truly loved your fiance you would have never cheated in the first place...period end of discussion. Doesn't matter how long you have been together...once the trust is broken (especially like that) you can almost always never get it back. Good for him to want to leave. You won't be able to satisfy him just by saying you won't do it again..the trust is gone, you are done in his opinion.
2006-12-11 04:57:31 · answer #7 · answered by Get_R_Done_n_Dallas 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My feelings on this subject are: If you are REALLY happy with your relationship, you have no desire to cheat. The fact that you did cheat means there is something missing in your relationship. Either that, or you are just someone who cannot resist temptation. Either way, your fiance has every right to feel as he does. You have broken his trust. Men have a lot harder time getting over something like this than women do. You may have to accept that things are over between you. I hope you learn something from this for your future. Do not stay in a relationship that is not meeting ALL your needs, or-a quick fling is not worth losing a good man over.
2006-12-11 07:02:28 · answer #8 · answered by Debbie D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cheated - he has the right to make that call. If he WANTS to give you another chance, you get one - but you do not deserve one, you are not owed one, and there is no way you can earn one.
If he decides to leave, there is little you can do - next time you fall in love, don't repeat the mistakes. If he does stay - make sure you understand that he is giving you an amazing gift you neither deserve or are owed and treat it as such!
2006-12-11 10:39:40 · answer #9 · answered by Chrys 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how long ago has it been, its gonna take a while for him to get over what you did. gonna take long time to get his trust back. you may never get his trust back, i have been there b4 actually im still there. The ball is in his park, either you can wait and see what will happen or move on with life. You have learned your lesson. if he wants to leave he is gonna leave. nothing you can do to keep him there. he is probably gonna do the same thing to you and throw it in your face. he is gonna use it as leverage against you when you guys argue or something. You should get another chance but he does not feel that way.
2006-12-11 04:58:21 · answer #10 · answered by monroe5508 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When there's no trust i na relationship, it isn't really a good relationship. Would you like to spend the rest of your life under the same roof of a person who can't trust you or appreciate you for the person you once were?
Put yourself in his shoes:
The love of his life had a different realtionship with another man - he probably feels betrayed, and does not want to be with someone who lied to him.
You should just leave. More for his sake than yours. There are other guys out there who may be more forgiving.
2006-12-11 04:34:03 · answer #11 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋