okay im 16 and im pregnant im due in march. the father to my child wont leave me alone?

Question

I dont think its a horrible idea for my child to be around his father he has a history of mental illness. He has a history of drugs. He has a very bad anger problem he lives in a house where people do drugs out in the open. but I cant prove any of this...I need help and im scared please advice someone...How can i keep him away if he takes me to court? i will also not put his name on the birth certificate. but then what?

Answer 1

Get a restraining order, go to court and make sure he has no custody of your child, I am assuming you are not married so it is your child, not his. Besides if he has a criminal record, it makes it that much easier. I would find professional or legal help to insure the safety of you and your child.

Answer 2

Look in your phone book, in the pink government pages, and find the number for your county's Clerk of the Court. Call them and ask to speak with the Victim Advocate Office. Tell them what you have said here. Ask them if you can come in and fill out the paperwork for a restraining order based on your fear of violence from this person. At this time, you need support, not more stress.

So far as not putting his name on the baby's birth certificate, as long as you are not legally married to the baby's father, you have the right to leave that section blank. Just be aware that the section will read "Father Unknown", and this is really hard to change should you want to or need to in the future.

So far as him taking you to Court - before he can request any kind of visitation, he will first have to prove that he is indeed the father, by taking a DNA test to prove paternity. If the test is positive (he is the baby's father), then you will be given the opportunity to speak in Court as to why you feel that it would not be in the baby's best interest to have any contact with the father. Having the restraining order already in place will say a lot to the judge. The court will likely order supervised visitation (if any at all), which means that you will be ordered to bring the baby to a designated family center, maybe once a week, or once every two weeks, where the father will have a limited amount of time to visit with the baby under supervision. The father should know that, once he has requested visitation, and paternity is legally established, that he will be ordered to pay child support by the court - which is good for the baby (and you). Once he has gotten himself into the system, he will be legally responsible for paying support for the next 18-21 years. If he doesn't take you to court, YOU should open a child support case IMMEDIATELY after the baby is born. The father cannot have rights without responsibilities.

There are many support groups out there for you. YOU have to find them in your area. DO IT. Don't be afraid. BE STRONG. For whatever reason you got pregnant, you now have to deal with these situations like a mature adult, which is challenging for anybody, and even more so for a 16-year-old. You owe this to yourself and your baby. You are your child's best advocate, and always will be. This is a huge responsibility - but - YOU CAN DO IT.

Answer 3

Well if he is that horrible you shouldn't have had sex with him....because now you are tied to him for the rest of your life....i always tell ppl don't have sex with someone without proper protection unless you can see yourself tied to them for the rest of your life....because no matter how much you may not like it that baby is just as much his as yours legally and rightfully...just because you give birth to it doesn't make it anymore yours than his also what that other person said about him having to pay for the test to prove it is his is wrong I had a friend just go thru something very VERY similar...well as soon as he found out he had a kid (she had never told him in the first place) he went to child services and got them to order the mother to provide them with a sample of the baby and then they did the test....and besides even if he does somehow have to pay for the test its only $90 in most areas....also you are not nearly qualified to determine if he has a right to see the child or not also simply by him being the father he has a right to 50-50 custody....now if he does have a history of mental illness you should keep an eye on your child because many forms of mental illness are thought to be hereditary ALSO if he is doing drugs now it doesn't mean he always will be and down the road for all you know he may shape up to be a wonderful father I have seen it many times simply knowing you have a kids out there can make ppl turn there lives around... so finally if your having a kid you better do some serious growing up and realize that you are now bound to this guy for life and it is NOT right to deny the child the opportunity to know his father and to have a relationship with him that’s a child’s choice not a mothers and in the long run by denying the child the opportunity to know the father you are doing more damage and also may end up causing the child to harbor resentment against YOU. Good luck and I hope in the future you get on the pill or at least make your partners rap up.

Answer 4

You are going to need some kind of proof if you take him to court. There has to be other people you may know who can testify that he has a drug problem and an anger issue. If you are not married you don't have to put his name on the birth certificate but if he is the biological father he has rights to see his child unless you can prove he is an unfit father. Chances are the judge will side with you but you need some proof even if it is as simple as him getting into a fight at school. I wish I could be of more help but I will say this a judge always favors the mother so start from there...

Answer 5

You should have thought about all this before you conceived a child with the man. But now there is a child on the way and as the father he has rights. However, he does not have any rights until paternity has been established. IF he takes you to court to do that, a dna test be ordered, and if he’s proven to be the father, his name will be entered on the birth certificate. Of course, he’ll then be obligated to pay child support. Assuming that he will ask for visitation, you need a GOOD attorney, because you can’t just say “he does drugs, etc, etc” you have to be able to prove it. Even if it’s proven, he will likely still receive supervised visits.

Answer 6

Why on earth are you having a child with this man? Contact social services and see if they have some practical ideas, all you can do is get far away as quickly as possible. People like that don't take you to court, they put you in the hospital. Then once you are as far away as you can get, put the child up for adoption, at sixteen and alone, with no family to keep you out of trouble, your chances of being able to keep youself and your baby alive and well are pitiful. If you have reliable family, you stand a slightly better chance, but its going to be really tough.
I don't say give your child up for adoption easily, I know it will be the toughest thing you can do, but for the sake of the future of the child, so you know your child won't grow up to face what you are, give the kid a chance.

Answer 7

Please let your parents know and see about getting a restraining order. However, make up your mind exactly what you want. You want him to leave you alone, but then you said that you don't think that it's not a horrible idea for the child to be around his dad. Once you are sure that you don't want any contact, you might have to go to court to work on custody matters. Whether you put his name on the birth certificate might not matter all that much, though... The trick would be to beat him to getting to the court. And judging from what you said about him, if he goes to court, he might not have a good case, unless he really changed his lifestyle. How old is he? Depending on the rules in your state and how long you were together, he could even be convicted of having sexual intercourse with a minor. So in one sentence, make sure exactly what you want to do, and if you decide to go to court, then all the best to you. Have a safe pregnancy, labor and delivery, and I wish the best to you and your baby.

Answer 8

Sounds like you know this man's problems very well - so why did you 1) have a relationship with him 2) sleep with him 3) have unprotected sex ?
At 16 you may find your best course of action is the Child and Youth Services path. They will step in to protect you and the unborn child. You also have insured privacy and confidentiality on your side.
If he is harassing you contact the police or have someone do it for you ,find out how to obtain a restraining order, and advice your health care provider. Your health care provider will also be able to give you more options than me, as they have information on all social service programs.

Answer 9

Wow. And you let this crazy, drug abusing, angry guy near enough to get you pregnant? Don't worry about keeping him away. Claim you don't know who the father is and put the baby up for adoption. You obviously have a serious lack of judgment.

If you should choose to keep the baby and raise it, continue to claim you don't know who the father is. If he is as bad as you say he'll probably be glad to be off the hook. You can never seek support from him though.

Hope you learned that you should know more about the next guy you allow into your bed and your life before you get naked with him though. If you keep the baby you will have her think about. Learn to set a good example. No drugs, no promiscuous behavior, be a good role model and you'll be a good mom.

Answer 10

Gabbi, You need to gather as much indisputable evidence as possible about his drug abuse and anger problems and if he takes you to court you will probably prevail and will be able to get a restraining order and if he is over 18 years of age, then statutory rape can be leveled against him....but I stress, you MUST obtain indisputable evidence somehow!!
I wish you all the luck and hope you can come out of this with no problems.
BTW...You have to use birth control methods if your desire is NOT to become impregnated!!!!