if you do please tell me how you deal with it?
2006-12-11 04:04:06 · 9 answers · asked by Tiffany h 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
me and my husband got together, i had 2 kids, and he had 1. now we've had a child together. i have really no say over his and his does not listen to me or him. the childs real mom is not around and hasn't been. it's my husbands mom that has spoiled this child to where he doesn't listen, if things don't go his way he throws fits. my husband finally realized this and stop letting him go over there so much. but it just seems too late. please help
2006-12-11 04:13:38 · update #1
yea years later that kid drained all the life out of me....he took all the time away from my children...and the one who needed my attention ended up committing suicide..i didn't catching it in time..i was to busy with the problem child to take care of her....i feel for you. My advice to you is ...i hate to tell you this....but take care of your own , I hate to say this and i never believed this but if you have to be...your just his step Mom... then so be it...he has to be the step child...i never used that term...but that is that.....how to deal with it....let dad deal with it...unless he is in the military.....email me. me...I have had 16 years if you want.....hatchetmistress@yahoo.com good luck!!!
2006-12-11 04:27:44 · answer #1 · answered by hatchetmistress 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have 3 step kids, 3 from my 1st marriage, and we have 1 together.
The best thing I can tell you is that you and your husband need to be united when it comes to dealing with the child who won't listen. Discuss with him what you both should do before you sit down and talk with the child. Then stick to it!
We have family meetings and discuss rules, plans, and solutions to problems together as a family.
My husband and I also have set down a "no disrespect" rule. This applies to everyone, even us. Both sets of kids know that direspecting their step parent will not be tolerated, and we don't disrespect our step kids (or natural ones).
The best thing I think we did was twofold: we posted a list of rules so everyone knows them and we posted a list that has punishments on it. For example; my step daughter was grounded from the phone for a week. It was written down so neither one of us would forget.
It takes a lot of time and energy to make a step family run smoothly. We've been working out the bugs for the last 4 years, and probably will for a long time to come. Basically, I just try to keep my sense of humor and remember that my step kids came from a bad situation. I can only help them a little at a time.
There are some great resources on the web and maybe you could look around in your area for support groups. There's a great group at our elementary school that we joined.
But most of all, keep trying! Finding what works is tough, but once you get there you and your step child will be happier and have a better relationship.
Blessings and Merry Christmas!
2006-12-11 05:02:28 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When my husband and I got married I had three kids (14,7,9) and he had three (24,15,13). His oldest is married and has kids of her own so you would think not much of a problem but wrong she was the instigator. Our summer was ruined by his other two tearing our house apart, physically assaulting my kids, stealing and just being disrespectful. Thanksgiving because they didn't get their way they refused to visit and now they are starting on X-mas. Their father has let them go so long that they show no respect for him either and their mother thinks they should be able to do whatever they want as long as they leave her alone and give her a break. The grandparents are on our side until the kids call upset and then we are told how awful we are. I treat them the same as my kids problem is no one else does they treat them like victims. You have to sit down with your husband now and tell him how you are feeling and tell him you need to work out a solution as what to do. Work together and make the rules and what the punishment will be if they are broken. i know many will not agree but if he is living in your home and you are taking care of him then you have the right to punish him and inforce the rules. When he throws his fits ignore him he is seeking a reaction and if he doesn't get one then he will know it doesn't work. The biggest thing is patience and a lot of it. Treat him the same as your kids, include him in everything etc but when he shows out send him to his room and explain he stays there until he can be apart of the family. your husband will also have a hard time regaining control after letting someone else have it for so long but you both have to decide what is what and stick to it. If you want to chat feel free to contact me. Good luck.
2006-12-11 07:00:17 · answer #3 · answered by Martha S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are able to and may if that's the position your heart leads. Her parental rights ought to must be terminated first both by her signing or by a criminal specialist putting classified ads contained in the paper. Its a lot a lot less annoying if she will do it on her own. reckoning on the state she ought to have this manner of excellent type of days to modify her concepts then you are able to procede with adoption. in case you settle on she will visit its purely that a visit she will keep no rights in any respect to wrestle it after the termination will change into very last. you'll then be legally responible able to make judgements for them such as your husband or on your own keep in mind that by some unforseen possibility you divorce you'd be responsible for them till they're 18 even with the undeniable fact that it doesnt sound like which will be an project for you and your relations. Get an excellent adoption atty to educate you and your husband on the criminal bits and bobs. good luck they're truly blessed to have a mom like you
2016-11-25 20:48:34 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes i do and i treat him as if he was my own child......he is only with us on certain days or weeks out of the year....but is about to move in with us permanently.....all i can say is treat the child or children the way you would treat them and do not treat them different....they will respect u more.....my step-son is 2 and even though he does do the ur not mommy thing.....i still love him and show that to him and u will get that too (if u dont already) but they will eventually get used to u being there....cause lord knows we aint going no where so they'll have to gl
2006-12-11 04:09:54 · answer #5 · answered by hot12flirt 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marry the bull, get the calf and all the problems. Should have thought of this before you got involved with a married man. Just make the best of the situation.
2006-12-11 04:24:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know how you feel when i got married i had a son and my husband has 7 kids with different women.it takes alote of patience's but it will be ok!!just take it day by day,and slowly the child will get better!
2006-12-11 06:39:39 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be patient and be their friend You cant be more than that . They already have a mom and dad who figure things out for them .Your just a added bonus!! Like a bonus mommy!! Hang in there
2006-12-11 04:07:46 · answer #8 · answered by Crystal L 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's hard sometimes.Really hard.You just have to remember those are his babies.So to love him is to love what comes with him.Iknow I'm 6 months pregnant with my 1st and he already has 2.So ask yourself the question is this for you?
2006-12-11 04:08:56 · answer #9 · answered by lady2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋