Do I have unrealistic expectations?

Question

All I want is to have a friendly chat with men online. However, the majority (based on several years of experience) seem incapable of talking about anything other than s e x!

They usually ask if I'm single - which I am and this seems to give them carte blanch to engineer the conversation towards s e x! Do you think I'm encouraging them by admitting my single status, or am I right in my increasingly cynical view, that's why they are here in the first place?

I know there are some genuinely nice guys out there and I have no wish to offend them by this question!

Answer 1

This is because people are a lot more free to speak how they feel and what is on their minds. If you were to take your pursuit off the net and meet people in person, you'd probably find the guy had a little more tact. And yes, I do believe that you are coming in contact with the mentioned majority, but how many guys wanna sit on the net and "chat" late at night with a single girl? I am sure your single status has something to do with it, but I am just going to put it to you this way. You are talking to guys. Nuff said. And no I am not offended. Good luck!

Answer 2

I am a guy. I do chat with women. I've seen it work both ways. I've done the "male thing" that you describe myself. And over the years, I've out-grown the tendency of viewing every woman that comes to chat in a chat-room as objects of sex.

Just so you know, you are more of an exception and less of a rule in chat rooms. I have been told that I'm not aggressive enough or too slow when I try and engage in a decent conversation. A lot of women (I'd have to say a majority of them) don't even bother to answer my first initiating statements of "Hi, how are you?". All they want is "my asl, my race, and how horny I am at the moment". I'd have to say this happens to me 7 out of 10 times.

So, partly it seems like the male DNA to keep s e x as the central topic of conversation. And partly it seems like a majority of women in the rooms come with an intent to either hear or see sexually explicit content.

And now to answer your question - just be patient and don't be judgemental. When you aren't comfortable with the way the conversation is heading, just ignore and move on. If you'd prefer, you may state that you just aren't interested in a s e x conversation on your profile making it clear upfront. And if someone tends to lead the conversation into that obvious path, just ask them to read your profile once before they go any further. Most would stop or just go away at that point. Worst case, you always have the "iggy" button to manage a-holes that can't respect you !!!!

Good luck.

Answer 3

For some reason these sites seem to carry the tag of being a cyber pick up environment and I must agree there's ntohing more annoying when all you wish for a chat.

Although you should be able to be honest with people male or female I do think that as soon as they know you are single they tend to think that you are on the prowl for a bit of saucy cyber s e x. Why not re-word your opening description and clearly mark that you are purely looking to talk to genuine peopl about genuine non s e x realted topics, at least then you are being upfront from the start and then if any guy comes forward trying to s e x you up you can tell them where to go.

There are some extremely genuine guys out there that purely wish to chat with you about random stuff but I'm afraid the majority of men only think with one thing and that tends to be located between their legs!!!!!

Answer 4

Yep, online chatting is filled with the bottom dwelling dregs who wouldn't be on there if they were going out and meeting women in the flesh. There's always something, innit?
Unfortunately, where you have in your mind that you'd like to get to know someone and arrange a meeting in a dignified manner, most of these fellas are just casting their lines out to see what skank'll show 'em a good time.
Good luck.
There are some places to meet some quality men, though.
The library - at least he can read.
The book store - see above.
The supermarket - you can tell if he's a bachelor by what's in his basket.
Evening classes - such as academic subjects....Stay away from the "Arts" because you may as well be going on to a chat line.
Weekend clubs catering to hobbies such as photography, running, weaving, antiques - oh, wait, strike the photography thing....Those clubs are filled with middle aged guys who like taking pics of aeroplanes and live in the attic in their mum's house.
Same for computer based clubs unless you want to hang out on a Saturday night with "role playing" geeks.
Start as you mean to go on. If you have an interest, then you may find a fella who likes the same.
Don't bother with the chat rooms, though.

Oh, yeah, and fellas, I'm waiting for all the "thumbs down". Just so you know, it's called satire and I made myself laugh when I re-read the above.

Answer 5

There are nice guys out there, and they all want to talk about sex. I could be wrong, but I think the only reason anyone gets in a chat room is to talk about sex. Oh, and make fun of the people that don't want to chat about sex.

Come on, they're all 14 years old. Consider face to face conversation.

Answer 6

I notice you mention men only, so I assume you want to chat with a possible view to dating. (Forgive me if I am wrong in this assumption.)

I would say that the vast majority of men are online looking for a quick lay, virtual or otherwise. Many are married etc.

I am not really into the scene but I imagine there are some reputable dating sites that screen members, and it might be worth trying to find these ones and sticking to them. Im sorry I cant give specific details. But please be careful, even those that dont admit it may have less than honourable intentions, and the internet hides a multitude of sins.

Answer 7

As the old expression goes: men think about scoring every 6 seconds.....wait it's now been 15 seconds so I must throw out the obligatory sex comment...nice bum, where ya from??!!

I will believe it's your cynical ways/view seeing you are sitting back and waiting on some sort of sex related comment and the moment it occurs you still seem astonished and then become disgusted.

So you're single huh?

Answer 8

Welcome to the real world. Most guys you meet on the net will only be interested in their urges that they may not be able to get in real life. People don't treat people as other human beings on the internet rather than in real life. Your expectations are not high - they're just not based on the world of chatting with strangers.

Answer 9

My question is, are you looking for a relationship online? What types of rooms are you going into? Try going into business chat rooms with people a little more upscale. Not to say that they are perfect but they have a little more professionalism behind them. What type of chat are you looking for? Understand that there are a numerous amount of men on the internet looking for cybersex, but try googling to see if there are any chat rooms that have less sex conversation and more of getting to know you conversation.

Answer 10

It's just like in the real world honey. You have to wade through a swamp full of toads to get to a prince. Just tell them when they take that wrong turn that you're out and then click them off.