My younger sister who is 20 moved away from home 5 months ago. About two month later, she called and said that she was dating someone who was moving too fast and that she wasn't sure. But then, about two weeks ago, she wanted to introduce him to the family. We finally met him this weekned, and....it was less than steller. This guy completely comes off as pompous, arrogant, and very self centered. While my family tends to be more reserved and tradtional with new guests and first visits, this guy was very dominating, loud, opinionated and did not "fit-in".
Now she wanted to bring him back for a weekend stay next weekend, and then go with him to visit his family the Christmas break. Supposedly he has also been ring shopping.
Our concern is that one he is not the right guy, and second, even if he were, that they should take it slow and get to really know each other. We want her to learn and grow, but not get into a permanent/long term bad situation. Any advice on how to approach?
2006-12-11 03:37:42 · 8 answers · asked by Concerned 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
You are right on target. If he is the right guy for your sister, which it doesn't seem like he is, but if he was then he would patient enough to wait. You can't fully know someone after seeing them for 2 months. And also, your sister should have been turned off by the way he acted around the family. Both of them should have known that his visit was going to make an impression, either good or bad. He chose to behave poorly which showed that he has no respect for her or her family. Maybe your sister is just "in love" with love. You need to tell her to think this through and stop rushing. If they were meant to be together, then time will tell. There is no reason for her to commit herself to a relationship that is going nowhere. Just tell her how you honestly feel, she should appreciate it coming from a concerned sibling. If not, maybe one day she'll see how right you were all along. Good luck...
2006-12-11 03:46:56 · answer #1 · answered by ♥Spirit♥ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a very delicate situation. I don't know your relationship with your sister, and I've never had a sister so I'm doing a bit of speculating. But I think you should say something. You should go do something together (sisterly bonding) and try to get as much info from her as you can. Ask her alot of questions about him, and gauge her answers. You might find that you can lead her into drawing the right conclusion that he's a pompus jack ***. Just ask her questions like why do you like him? How does he treat you? What do ya'll do together usually? What do your friends think of him? Show a real interest, not just a dislike, this way you won't put her on the defense. Because by attacking him you're attacking her taste. No little sister, of woman for that matter, wants to be told that they were wrong. Use all of these questions and answers to show her that he may not be the person for her, or to atleast encourage her to wait. I mean jeeze she can't even leagally drink yet... and she thinks she should get married. She has alot more living to do before she ties the knot! Best of luck to you!
2006-12-11 03:48:26 · answer #2 · answered by auequine 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in a tough position. This happens in many familes, not liking or approving of a family member's choice in partner. You could be very honest and say something, but realize you might risk upsetting her and driving your sister away, possibly even losing her, if she feels her choices are not being accepted/respected or that she feels you and your family are trying to control her life. I would approach the situation very carefully and cautiously, and really think it through, you don't want your good intentions to backfire on you.
Even though you may not like this guy or think he is the best match for her, the bottom line is it is your sister's life, and her decision who she dates/marries, she may just have to learn the hard way who is right for her.
2006-12-11 03:54:05 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be honest, but gentle. Go out of your way to make sure she knows your just worried about her. If shes level headed this may work. However there are people and situations where its just better to keep your mouth shut. It make her think your trying to sabotoge her relationship, that you're with the wrong person so she cant be happy. That sort of thing. People like denial its comfortalbe. So don't get her in a defensive postion of him that'll just drag out the heart break longer. If all else fails, shut up, he may actualy make her happy. (but probably not)
2006-12-11 03:44:29 · answer #4 · answered by jinxintheworld 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I sympathise with you entirely with this one, but I am afraid there is nothing you can do, apart from gently suggesting to her that at 20 she is just a little too young to be going for the full show. She may have chosen someone whom only she could love - that is her business, I'm afraid. Just let her know that you are always going to be there for her should things start to come apart later.
2006-12-11 03:50:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell her wad u feel
if she dont like it
forget it
just don't do that " i told u so" frequently afte tt
2006-12-11 03:44:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont be so fricken judgemental, as long as your sister is happy it shouldnt matter what you think. quit butting in!
2006-12-11 03:42:21 · answer #7 · answered by *juicyjellybean* 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
very honest, always
2006-12-11 03:40:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋