I am getting married to my fiance` on 25th of december. She was very afraid and confused about the wedding night stuff. Actually we never had sex before, not to each other or anyone. It will be our first experience. She said that she's very afraid of the first time sex because its very painful and she would bleed too.... Well, i am pretty aware of the female physiology and anatomy, but i don't know about psychology. If the first time sex is painful, will i not be hurting her then? I am also confused as how would i begin the whole thing. OK, we'll talk for a long time but how do i start first...I..I am confused about it myself. getting naked in front of her will be quite a very very new thing for me.... Plz folks, help me out as how to spend my first wedding night (apart from talking stuff, i'll talk don't worry), but i don't want to cause her pain or any other physical trouble. And i am also afraid that maybe for the first time, i'll ejaculate so early as to the level of embarassment.
2006-12-11 03:35:28 · 25 answers · asked by Paf230 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Dont worry it will be fine and can i say fairplay to both of you for waiting. have a couple of drinks to loosen up (not many though dont get drunk) and once you start kissing the rest will come, remember its a new experience for both of you and once you start the journey you'll have a great time finding everything out together.
unfortunatley regarding the pain you cant avoid this however its not painful for everybody if shes been using tampons there is a good chance shes already broken her hymen but just be gentle it will be fine dont worry about it too much
congrats and i hope your both very happy together xxx
2006-12-11 03:40:36 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
First, congratulations! You will both be glad, in years to come, that you did wait for marriage to share this experience together.
Expectations are everything; first time sex for a female is not a big traumatic thing, unless she expects it to be. So your first job will be to reassure her and relax her. Promise each other that if either says stop, at any moment, the other will honor that. Tell her that you don't have to have sex the first night unless she wants to-give her a sense of confidence and control over the process, and she will be less fearful.
There may not be any bleeding at all, even though she is a virgin, because sometimes the hymen is already ruptured from tampon use or sports activities. The amount of blood is very minor, usually less than a teaspoon. Keep tissues nearby. Try sharing a bubble bath together if that appeals, the bubbles help with the being-naked part and provide some coverage, and the bath can be relaxing. Dim the lights and light a candle, and most of all, relax together. Keep a sense of humor and be willing to giggle at the awkward times. Tell her how beautiful she is to you, how much you love her-you'll know. And afterwards, don't stop talking and cuddling, you will have to resist your natural inclination to fall asleep. Cuddling and afterplay are very reassuring, especially for a young bride.
Blessings to you both,
Aunt Cryllie
2006-12-11 03:53:18 · answer #2 · answered by cryllie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a special moment for both of you, specially since you both waited for the right person. You may want to try to buy some lubricants lotions (they sell them at Walgreen's), this won't hurt her as much. The more you stress about it the more difficult it will be. Take your time and begin by kissing her and let the moment take you to the next step. If you think your moment to ejaculate will be quicker then think about something else to give her time. Explore her body and let her know how beautiful she is naked and as a person. If you are embarrassed to be naked in front of her then dim the light or place candles away from the bed, you may also want to have a romantic CD playing. Do not use the radio as that becomes distracting. Start downloading songs (romantic ones), include your first dance song (the one you will be dancing with her as husband and wife. She is obviously marrying you for the right reasons and if you have problems the first night keep trying together until you get to the point of satisfying each other. Good Luck and congrats/
2006-12-11 03:45:31 · answer #3 · answered by rp12801280 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your wife is in her early to mid twenties, it's possible that her hymen is already broken - this can happen through using tampons, exercise, etc. Though still technically a virgin it might make sex a little less painful the first time she tries it. Make sure you are both relaxed and comfortable, and of course 'turned on' - this is especially important for her! Once she knows you love her and you don't want to cause her pain, and you're prepared to take it as slowly and carefully as she needs, then you'll both be fine. Have a beautiful wedding and a lovely wedded life. Congratulations. And also don't worry about getting naked in front of her. She loves you - you have nothing to worry about! Neither of you have any expectations so it'll all be new, exciting and fun. You lucky pair! :)
2006-12-11 07:41:56 · answer #4 · answered by Sinead C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some things that might help:
1. If doesn't hurt or bleed for all women, and when it does, it's not that bad for most women. It's less painful then getting your ears pierced.
2. Chances are, if she is scared, she'll be glad if you're quick, lol. And, once you've done it once and gotten the worst over with, you can do it over and over all night:)
3. Concentrate on foreplay. Make a deal that you will stick to touching/kissing/etc until you are both ready to go all the way - chances are, all the foreplay will get both of you so turned on, you'll forget about your fears (that's wha my hubby and I did). Not only will there be less pressure to "DO IT", but you will get to explore each other first and really enjoy your first time together.
2006-12-11 10:45:13 · answer #5 · answered by Chrys 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is great that you're both talking about it. Take this a step further, acknowledge that you are both novices at this and have a bit of a light hearted approach to it, in the knowledge that it's going to be a learning experience. Take it gradually, both agree that it might not even happen and see what does happen. This takes all of the pressure away from the night.
The first time is always awful. I didn't even know if it was going in the right place! But we laughed about it, safe in the knowledge that it would get better and believe me it did, oh didn't it just!
Good luck, have a lovely day!
2006-12-11 03:50:02 · answer #6 · answered by voodoobluesman 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd say take it very slowly and gently. Lots of kissing, cuddling, stroking and just general affection and see where it goes from there.
Under no circumstances do you HAVE to do it that night, I can understand you'll want your first time to be very special, but reassure her that if she is in any way tense or it hurts then you will stop and do not need to continue until she is ready. Make sure you stick to your word and that she knows that she mustn't cause herself pain just to 'please' you - a lot of women do this and end up scared of sex. If she realises you love her so much that you do not want her to have any pain and that she can say "stop" whenever she wants and you will then she will most likely relax enough so that it is less painful for her and she will want to continue as she feels in control.
If you do ejaculate too early then don't be embarrassed, it happens to plenty of men! You should continue to stimulate her so that she gets something out of it (there's nothing worse than a selfish man). If you can always make sure to stimulate her properly so that she enjoys herself the first time then she will always want to make love with you and it won't be a big scary thing any more and she will enjoy sharing herself with you and experimenting.
Sex is rarely perfect the first time, it always takes practice. Just make sure that if you love her, show her by helping her to enjoy herself and she will do the same for you. Never have any expectations for yourself, try to be selfless for her and she will be for you. I hope you have many wonderful happy years together both in and out of bed!
2006-12-12 00:13:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Congratulations on your marriage and I hope you have a happy life together.
Well, my husband and I were way too tired after the wedding and pre-wedding brouhaha to even contemplate having sex the night of our wedding and our early the next morning fllight for our honeymoon. We just wanted sleep. We put it off for til the next night.
Don't put yourself under any pressure to do what's the expected thing.
The sex may or may not be painful for her as every woman is different, as is every man's size in relation to her's.
Just make sure you're concentrating on her and paying attention. Lots of foreplay to get her body naturally ready and a good bottle of lube doesn't hurt either. If she looks to be in distress, then slow down or stop. I'm sure she knows that you love her and just keep telling her that. She'll need reassurance as will you from her.
As you're both new to it, she may be shy about talking to you about what does or doesn't give her pleasure. And if you do go off a bit early, oh well, you'll have years to practice. Make a joke of it and go with the flow. Humor in bed isn't a bad thing and the ability to laugh will help too. Make it fun and stress free. Don't stand on pride or let your feelings get hurt. It takes time to get your bodies in synch.
Nothing says you have to go all the way either. You can start slow and get to know each other and what turns you on. Perhaps get a book and go from there.
No one ever talks about the eeuuwww factor with sex either. It is messy so I suggest having a box of tissues within reach.
2006-12-11 03:53:48 · answer #8 · answered by parsonsel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It may sound strange but don't even assume that you will make love that night - high expectation and fatigue could easily mean that you will just simple want to unwind, relax and go to sleep in each others arms. No one but you two will have to know - nor should they ...! It should be special - just let it unfold, relax and enjoy each other - in whatever form that takes. If you are going off for a honeymoon then that may turn out to be a better start to the physical side of your life together. Good luck and chill .... what will happen will happen
2006-12-11 03:51:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go A.S.A.P. - As Sloooooowly As Possible.
You have the RIGHT plan - Talk - TALK, a lot.
And if you ejaculate "early", so what? You can tell her she is absolutely, breath-takingly beautiful, and she had a very predictable effect on you! Then, you'll have 20-30 minutes of time to touching, talking and caressing and you'll certainly be ready again.
GOOD ON BOTH OF YOU for waiting.
A baby can emerge from her - I'm betting you PROBABLY aren't quite as big as a baby! I can't emphasize it enough - take your TIME.
Your concern reflects a caring attitude - you've got what it takes to be a great husband and lover.
Big blessings on ya both!
2006-12-11 03:48:30 · answer #10 · answered by WindWalker10 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋