Step-daughter Issues?

Question

I have a 19yr old step-daughter. She lives in our home. Currently she is in college and living on campus when school is in session, but lives at home when on break. During the times she is living at home she will sometimes stay with her boyfriend overnight at his house (he has his own apartment). I am extremely opposed to this. Her mother doesn't like it either, but says that since she is 19 she can do what she wants and there is nothing we can say. I say if she lives here, she needs to come home at night. I also say even though she is 19, her mother can still lay down the law. What does anyone else think?

I'd like to add that I know she does this when she's at school, but the diffrence is I don't have to see it. Also, she's lived with me since she was 8 yrs old and I have been more of a father to her than her real dad, so I feel as though I have somewhat of a stake in the issue, even though she's not my bio child

Answer 1

I am suprised at the kind of indicipline and lack of culture and family values exibited in some of the answers i see here.

Yes of course she is old enough. BUT SHE IS STILL A VERY VERY YOUNG ADULT at 19. You love her as your child that is why you are worried about her. She still needs some guidiance.

WHAT AN ELDER SEES SITTING ON THE GROUND, A CHILD DOES NOT SEE STANDING ON THE MOUNTAIN TOP

She should have to obey the house rules of the family she lives with because she is not totally independent.

I am 25, living on my own, but when i go home to my family house, my parents rules prevail over any other - RESPECT, good culture/family values

If she is old enough to act as she wishes, then she is she is old enough to take care of herself (education, housing, feeding et al). HE WHO PAYS THE PIPER DICTATES THE TUNES.

Talk to your wife to lovingly caution her, Also let her know you care but she should obey your rules

Answer 2

Sorry dad, but your daughter is a legal adult by definition and can do as she pleases, even if you disagree with her sexual and dating habits. I do on the other hand agree with you that if she is staying with you, she has to respect your house rules or stay in a hotel or elsewhere if she has issues with the rules. I understand your concern, as I am sure you are a good dad and don't want your daughter to end up being pregnant before she is ready, but legally, there is very little you can do to make her comply, other than talking to her to make your point across. Also, the fact that you are not her biological dad also causes some anemosity towards you because she is thinking as to why you are dictating to her what she needs to do when you are not her real dad. I have seen this too many times, as I have had friends with stepdads and stepmoms and it was their utmost duty to make life a living hell for their step-parent. It is wrong to behave this way, but realize that you are a stranger that is seen as an intruder into what was once a family that consisted of two biological parents. You can't change the fact, but your best course of action would be to confront your stepdaughter and tell her that no matter what, you love her like your own and that you truly do care for her safety and well being. Sometimes, the only way to get through to a stubborn teen is to make them feel guilty about their irrational behavior.

Answer 3

The fact that she is your step daughter should not be a factor here. If you and her mother agree, then you set the rules together and "blood" is not an issue.
The question is, is this a battle worth fighting based on the fact that she is 19?
Look at it from her point of view: when I was 19 or 20, I wanted to make my own decisions, regardless of the consequences. I did not want my parents' input. So if you want to set this rule, then set it and stick to it. It is your house. But like I said, pick your battles, and take into account what you know of her personality, and how she will react. You may not want to start a huge conflict, or have her living with her boyfriend.

Answer 4

Well its hard to tell someone Else's child something. My husband has issues with my two oldest children who are 15. To avoid argument he tells me what they do wrong and I give the punishment that way they think I'm mean and not him.

Tell your wife this child is grown and either she stays at your house and come in at a respect hr or just stay where she is. Don't ever let no child run your household. She is there tax free living it up. Make her get a job ans realize the real world. If i was not married I would still be at home. But I was not there for free I had to help out on Bills and buy food.

Answer 5

Um she is 19. While in your house she should respect your rules. But, if she is staying at her boyfriends she is not in your house. She is old enough to make her own decisions. She is going to college and doing what she needs to do. Her mother is right she is at that age where you have to let her be independent. Just be happy that she loves you guys and that she is continuing her education. If you try to set these rules for her that may ruin her relationship with you. She is not a child who still needs guided she is a young adult and it is time to for her to learn on her own. Good luck to you and really think about this one before you act on it. Maybe instead of demanded she come home at nite talk to her about birth control. At this age you most likley will not tell her something she don't already know.

Answer 6

Yes, she is 19 an adult and only home for a short time, but that does not excuse her behavior. She is staying in your house, she should at least have the courtesy to live by some of the house rules. That is just downright disrespect.

Answer 7

I had to come home every night at 19 and 20 and still had rules when I had my own child and was living with my parents. she should respect yours and your wifes wishes if she lives in your home out of respect because since she is an adult, she can move out if she doesn't like it.

Answer 8

I say she needs to fallow the rules or move out. It doesn't matter if you are a step- parent or not. The girl is 19 it is time for her to act like an adult. My mother babied my brother until..... well she still does.( he is 25 now) The has to be a point that all children need to grow up. My husband is a step-parent. I told him if he is going to be in this family he needs to be a parent not a friend.

Answer 9

Yes, if she still resides at the parents home, even temporarily, the parents definitely have the right to certain expectations. I respect others wishes while at their homes, and that includes my 80 year old mother's. I may be almost 46 years old but when at my mom's house it's mom's rules. I expect the same out of my adult children too. It all boils down to respect...

Answer 10

She's 19 and do what she wants, regardless of who lays the law down! You can tell her if she lives there, she comes home at night, but it will only push her to move in with the guy. She's in school, I'd leave her alone.