ALL RELIGIONS>>What good does forgiveness do, if repentence is not required from the wrong-doer?

Question

This is an interpersonal relationship question, not directed at the relationship between God and Humans.

I have heard a lot of people urging others to "forgive and forget" wrongs done to them (robbery, rape, murder of family members, abuse, etc.). The victims, or their surviving family members, are supposed to then open their lives and homes to the offending party, without securing anything like repentence, admission of guilt or wrongdoing, an apology, etc, because to insist on that would be "unforgiving".

Does this seem insane to anybody else? Should the offer of forgiveness require some acceptance of responsibility on the part of the wrong-doer, and a decision for change? Or should it be free of all requirements?

All religions please answer. Reference your scriptures if you wish, but please no loooooooooooong quotes. I can look that stuff up myself!

Thanks!

Answer 1

Forgiveness must be given freely, without any requirement of any change or repentence upon the wrong-doer's part. Otherwise, it is not real forgiveness. God forgave us, even while we were yet set in rebellion against Him as He commands us to forgive others.

But please understand: forgiveness is given as a gift but trust is earned. I can forgive another person their sins against me - I can forgive the person who steals my money today but will I trust that person to hold my wallet tomorrow? No, because trust is earned.

So forgiveness does not mean we act stupidly with no regard to a person's character. It means we forgive because we want our hearts clean before God. As we see repentence and a changed heart, then trust is built between me and the wrong-doer.

"forgiving and forgetting" does NOT mean we abandon our common sense. some Christians do not really think this through... forgiveness is the foundation of Christianity but it is a forgiveness that demands our all - our heart, our intellect, our emotions.

to "forgive and forget" as some Christians think of it would be in direct opposition to the much teaching in the bible regarding church discipline, going to a brother that does wrong, etc.

god bless

Answer 2

Repentence is required in the Christian tradition. Restitution is required if it is possible. Jesus said if you have a dispute with your brother, put down your gift for the altar, go make peace with your brother, then come back and offer your sacrifice. Well meaning people say forgive and forget, but forgetting isn't something that is required. What the person who is harmed needs to do is forgive in the sense that they don't dwell on their anger and hurt, or harbor hatred for the perpetrator. That just hurts the injured party more. The forgiveness part means letting go of those feelings. You can't change what happened,but you can change how you think about it. To forget would be foolish, it would simply put you in harms way, and allow the perpetrator the freedom to harm again. You need to be open to the wrong-doer when that person is ready to make restitution, apologize, or whatever is appropriate. Let the person know that you are open to that. But that person needs to do some penance- which can include not being invited to your home until things are resolved. The main thing is that Christianity calls us to love, and if at all possible, try to love that person as a child of God who has lost his way, rather than holding on to bad feelings.

Answer 3

You are trying to help yourself and move on to a better place. If they help themselves is up to them. If you forgive...you release a lot of your pain and anger.Open your home...not necessarily. Forgive, try to forget and learn. Some of your lesson may be to keep that person at a long distance from you. No one says forgive and trust.Often wrong-doers have no repentance because they have no regret except that other people have seen through them. or they have been caught. Whatever the circumstance. Being forgiving can mean you have accepted the reality of what they have done, and learned to live your life without letting them affect you any more or bring out the worst in you (like wanting to kill them...which is a normal reaction) Is doesn't mean you owe them anything. It is enough to get over the hurdle where you can say "they are human and I hope they will get better.and mean it without animosity." Trying to be a saint in an ugly situation is asking too much. And often people who are being the ultimate forgiver don't feel it deep in their souls, they just want to. So strive to accept the facts move on and go in peace hoping they will ultimately become better people knowing that is between them and their God.or if you like..their conscience.

Answer 4

It requires repentance, forgivness is not free.

There is true and false repentance, "For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation; but the sorrow of the world produces death" 2 Corinthians 7:10

Also Acts 17:30, Romans 2:4, and 2 Peter 3:9)

Answer 5

The Bible does say that we should forgive men who sin against us as we would want God to forgive us. (Mark 11:25) Sometimes, however forgiveness involves simply letting go of anger and resentment, not opening yourself to harm by persons who have not repented so they are likely to do the same things again. Logically who could possibly forget something as traumatic as being raped or having someone you love violently murdered? Once something is imprinted on the brain it can not be removed, even if you don't consciously remember it. Forgetting simply means not dwelling on it or constantly calling it mind. This is healthy. It helps a victim to get on with her life and not continue being a victim.

Answer 6

Do you get it? Forgiveness does not mean denying the wrong. Forgiveness does not mean it is justified. Forgiveness does not mean that it was okay that it happened. Forgiveness is divine. It heals one. It allows the person to let God be in control It allows the person to go on in life and not harbor hate and resentment. It is taking the high road. It is letting go and letting God. God will handle the judging. We are here to learn how to love each other. Love is not love when everything goes the way we want it to go...even the heathen love that way...love is truely tested when things are not the way we want, or the way we deserve, etc If you do not want long scriptures and can look it up yourself...I urge you to do so. Read the scripture. The Holy BIble is all about love. Your answers are in Gods word...the scripture.

Answer 7

Forgiveness is as much for the forgiver as it is for the person being forgiven....more so actually. Forgiveness allows us to move on with our lives and no longer allow those things to control our minds or our lives. As a Christian, I have been forgiven and did nothing to deserve it other than being a child of God. Yes, I do repent my sins, however do not expect that from others in every situation. I try to be forgiving without anything in return. Yes, it is hard to do sometimes, however, I feel it is the right thing to do and it allows me to clear my mind of the negative things.

Answer 8

Repentance will ultimately be required by any wrong doer if they are to receive salvation. However, God has still made it a requirement that we forgive our trespassers. It is difficult, but we are not in the position to judge. We are allowed to despise an act, or to hope for retribution, etc., but in the end, we must trust that God will apply the appropriate punishment. God has asked that we the judgment we apply to others will be applied to us by God. There are sick and horrible things taking place in the world, and they will continue because mankind is free to act for themselves, but all we can do is try and bring our actions in line with God.

Answer 9

Repentance is an all to necessary thing toward forgiveness, I think what most of this "Forgive and forget" sounding things are really there to allow a person to accept repentance on the part of the offender, be it on the side of the sinner toward God, or the sinner toward his fellow man. I really cannot see forgiveness of serious (such as those you listed) offenses without any level of repentance.

"There is no one, however wicked or guilty, who may not confidently hope for forgiveness, provided his repentance is honest"

"Liberation in the spirit of the Gospel is incompatible with hatred of one's enemy as a person, but not with hatred of the evil he does as an enemy."

IT leaves us with the paradox of hating the actions but being able to forgive the man, as long as they show honest repentance. Really what these Forgive and forget policies are safe guards against revenge and so called "Honor Killings" It in no way provides against justice, divine or of man. Before the Roman Catholic Church was for the Death Penalty, now that there are other options the Church pushes its belief that God wants the Repentance of the Sinner, not his death. That all being said, Repentance within the Church is Vital for forgiveness, from man and God.

Answer 10

To forgive someone, to forgive an enemy, someone who will not easily recant, someone who still hates you and glories in your suffering. St Paul did this to St Stephen. God himself intervened that time. "Why do you persecute me?"

Finally, Paul was enlightened, and when he realized the extent of his transgression, he was able to more easily bear his death. Perhaps we can never know the answer to this question. For there are many stubborn people, but to have forgiven a person who has transgressed against you is better for you than for that person. You cannot enter into heaven if you hold a grudge. What happens to your body is not the same as what happens to your soul. Hold true and bright to what was taught you. Hearts of stone cannot be changed to flesh unless the person wishes it so. And that takes time.