Does anyone have advice on a stubborn 14 yr old?

Question

My 14 yr.old thinks he is everything and everything to him is only right in his way. He has emotional problems and he is getting into
more and more trouble he was just charged with his first charge a mis demeaner Teristisc threats.He told some kids in school he was going to kill them the counslers and i tried everything we can think of. Any sugestions?

Answer 1

My nephew had been acting out too and trying his limits and his mom was letting him get away with it. I turned out good but unfortunately my brother didn't he got on drugs....This is his son I am telling you about which he hasn't seen since he was I guess 3 years old (He is now in the 6th grade). He was being hateful to his step dad which adopted him since my brother signed over his rights ( which was the best thing and only thing he ever done for him). Any ways he was telling his step dad that he hoped he died when he went over to Irac ect. He got where he was stealing stuff ect..... And he finally shoved his little brother 6 years old and his mom which was the final straw for her (she has 4 kids total). His mom never would let his step dad discipline him which was part of the problem and my nephew knew that his step dad couldn't do anything to him no matter what because he knew that his mom wouldn't let him. His step dad is a wonderful person. His mom finally called the police when my nephew shoved her and my little nephew and the police took him to Jail. He even tried to fight the police which they told him " hey I aint your mom I am the law". Spending the night in Jail really scared him, later he told us about how hard the bed springs were ( he didn't know that there was a mattress under the bed which he was supposed to put on the bed so he slept on the hard box springs...... He had to go to court the next day and the Judge let him out on probation which a social worker came to the house so often to check things out and he had to go back to court 6 months later for and update. He has stayed out of trouble since. But before she called the police on him, before that incident. She was going to put him in a mental hospital for kids to scare him but her insurance wouldn't cover it......he acted good for a while because he got scared. Now they go to counciling, they have there own scions and a family scions. They put him on medication because they thought he had some kind of mental problem I don't remember what it was bi polor I think but I think they ruled that out I don't know. All I know is you need to get to the rout of what is causing this problem. ~Good Luck~

Answer 2

Once thing to remember is that a teenage male has 3 times the testosterone level as a grown male. This gets the teen boys in trouble if they do not have an outlet for their aggression that is produced by the testerone levels.

Sports have been a very popular way for boys to outlet these aggressions. He may or may not be interested because of certain personality "labels" he has accepted by his peers.

Try to feel good about your son first of all. I know this can be the hurdle of a lifetime, but he needs you now more than he did when he was 2! He's making life changing realizations with not enough information, and that can lead to frustration.

Try to give him the plan. You know, get your education so that you can get a job and show all those jerk faces at school that he's a roaring success and their "labels" don't define his potential in life. Remind him, things aren't bad yet. IF that kid does show up dead one day (probably cause that kid IS a jerk face) your son is now suspect number 1 because his mouth told everyone.

Sometimes we need to arm our children with intelligence in the brutal world of high school. My son uses comebacks like "Grow up" and then silence and ignoring or "Ok, whatever" and silence. It's not perpetuating violence or insulting. It's showing a total indifference. Showing emotion only feeds into the instigator's fight.

Answer 3

Take him out of school (if after being charged with threatening to kill his classmates, he is still in school).

Then put him to work.

Buy a bunch of logs, 8-10' in length. Using a hand saw have him cut each log into 2' lengths. Then split each round into 6ths. Bundle the split wood into bundles to be sold as fire wood, which you do to buy some more wood with. A cord of wood is described as 4' by 4' by 8'. He should be able to handle spitting 2-10 cords a week using a hand saw and hand splitter.
After he has been working for about a month, explain to him that this is what adults do. Its not about playing video games and talking trash to your friends, its about work, hard, back breaking work. The less education you have the harder the work is. If you go to school and make it out of high school you may get a nice cushy job like flipping burgers at McD's, but that is still a lot of work. If he made it through college he might be able to sit in an office chair someplace and only have to deal with stress, the stress of people yelling at him 12 hours a day, unrealistic deadlines, and expectations. Only to come home to a family who neither appreciates nor respects their effort.

Then make him work for another month, and then give him the opportunity to go back to school.

Unfortunately at 14 he is too young to do many of the real back breaking jobs (carrying shingles to the roof for the roofers, or unloading semi's by hand) that other people have to do every day. Many of them would love to have had a second chance to go back to school and make something of their lives.

By doing hard physical work, you son may be able to reach inside himself and find his potential. Or he may fall in love with doing hard physical work, either way he won't be running around thinking he can kill people.



By the way, I live about 30 miles from a school that got shot up several years ago by a kid who came to school to kill some kids.
I consider your son's crime to be a lot more serious then I believe you are taking it. If it was up to me, his punishment would be 30 years in Guantanamo.... maybe between the torture he would pick up some Arabic languages for his learning. This is something that needs drastic and immediate attention.

Answer 4

His attitude is pretty normal for a teen, even though not fun to deal with. The threatening of the other kids is not acceptable. You need to deal with him with patience, discipline, and consistency. You also need to be there to monitor this - there's too many parents out there that discipline their kids (take away privileges), go off and do their own thing leaving the kids to their own devices, and then wonder why the kids have disobeyed them and done what they wanted to anyways. It's because the parents weren't around to enforce the rules. And if you can't be there, you need to find another adult who can be.

Answer 5

What ever you do, consistency is the answer.
Set precises rules with specific consequence; make sure that they are tough but not overly.
Make sure that he knows the rules and consequences.
This is not going to be a quick fix...it took him 14 years to get this way it will take several weeks or even months until you get back to a livable situation.
Don't give up.
Drugs are a last resort, try to avoid them.

Answer 6

My younger brothers both went through this, though my sister and I did not. I agree with those who said he is begging for attention. But I don't think you should give it to him. Then he thinks all he has to do is act out to get his way. Talk to him like he's an adult and let him know that you stand behind him, but if he wants to act grown up, then he has to really act grown up. Make sure he knows the difference between a teenager acting like a bad-*** and an adult making mature decisions. I am not a doctor, but I really am strong against using medication to change something that every teenager goes through. Good luck.

Answer 7

U know what take him to 1 of the nearest hospital and let him watch people inffect by AIDS, and tell him tht those people did'nt listen to any advices they got from the media and every where now they are earning their reward. Thank u ( Prof Cat)

Answer 8

He definitly needs a psychologist. Sounds like things are spiralling out of control quickly and if you don't nip this in the butt quickly he could find himself in a whole lot of trouble. Put your foot down and take control back! Get him some help!

Answer 9

Sound like me...I like math and science but my classes are to easy so they get boring and i dont feel like i ever wanting to do anything. You can ask to put him in a high class or you can ask his teachers if they have different work that he is able to do like more advanced work or challenging work.It will most likely help

Answer 10

You poor girl. Has he been taken to a doctor? Does he require medication or anything like that? He might need to spend some time in a place where he cannot harm himself or others. Left alone, he might do real damage. You need to consult a professional. Your son sounds like he really needs help. I wish you good luck.