Whats a mother to do?

Question

Whats a mother to do or say to her 17 yr. old son who's girlfriend has broke up with him for the 4th time in 3mos. I listened and supported him as he expressed how hurt and pissed he was at her, saying that he'll never go out with her again. Now he says they're friends and that he loves her and doesn't know whats going to happen. ( brokeup and then friends in 2 days) AARGH! It is so hard to stand back and watch my son become a doormat . I try not to impress my opinion on him because this is his business and learning experience. Do I just not say anything to him about her playing him for a fool ?

Answer 1

I know it's hard, but sometimes you just have to let them learn how to deal with things on their own....especially since he is almost an adult. If parents take care of everything for their kids they don't learn to become self-reliant.

Answer 2

Tough situation.

I don't think there's much you can do except be a support to him and show him what it's like to be respected. He's going to have to learn on his own that the broad is bad news and will continue to yoyo him around unless he breaks for good. He's 17. Sometimes these lessons take a loooong time to get through.
The more you tell him how bad she is (no matter what she;s done to him), the more apt he is to be stubborn and continue to take a beating. You could try telling him that if he gets back together with her again that you won't be there for him when they break up again, but then he's likely to just not tell you about any reunion and possible relationships with others in the future.

Answer 3

If u think dat by telling him 2 stop meeting nd tlkin wid d girl will work then go ahead...but remember dat he is 17yrs nd may do something which u may never expect him 2 do,as the adolescence age is very tender...if u share a warm rapport with him then try 2 make him understand his responsibilities...r8 now u r feeling dat he might b understanding his problems as it is his own buisness etc. but later he may even blame u for not advising him...one advise from my side y don't u meet d girl separately nd try 2 know about her lifestyle nd her future plans etc.??if u already know d girl then just support ur son only when u feel he is RIGHT!

Answer 4

this is very hard. You just support him ..don't say anything to him cause some time us mom who do say things is not what they want to hear and then they will walk away from you. They feel you don't understand. I have been threw the who thing. I know it nots easy as we would like to tell them. This is a tender level with your son and yes it is a learning thing for him. He needs to find out on his own no matter how manytimes. My daughter is seeing a guy and she in her 20's and this guy is doing the same thing. I lost her once cause of the guy and now i have her back and she keeps telling me things he does to hurt her. I can't even go there as if i do..she tells me i don't understand and then tell me i don't want to talk to you.so you see just be supportive for him. We did the same thing as kids but maybe not as bad..as these day and ages are not like us. We can understand more back then as kids don't seem to get it. He needs to fall down and pick himself up . Just like if your drinking you need to hit the bottom before you can come back to the real life.

I hope this helps.I wish you luck
hang in there

Answer 5

All you can do is be there for him if he wants to talk, give advice WHEN ASKED but he may not take it and LEAD BY EXAMPLE. You know that when you were young, your parents gave you tons of advice but you probably didn't realize they were right until many years later. He has to learn this on his own. They are only dating, not getting married. It's hard but one must learn life's lessons by falling on one's face sometimes.

The only difference between young people and older people is that young people lack the experience of older people. Both have the same feeling and desire respect, privacy, love & acceptance.

Good luck! I'm sure that your son will come around...in time.

Answer 6

I say that if he has talked to you about his feelings, its safe to say that he would respect your opinion.

Just talk to him. Tell him that you are not telling him what to do, just that you feel this way and it's totally his choice to make. You can voice your opinion and give him insight on the situation, because sometimes we are blinded while in the situation ourselves and need guidance. Once you voice your opinion once and in a calm and welcoming way, do not bring it up unless he does. This shows that you are also respecting his privacy and his choices. But if he's talking to you about it, you are further ahead than many parents. Most kids do not want to discuss matters of the heart with their parents. And guys especially.

Talk it out without ramming your opinion down his throat.

Good Luck

Answer 7

well he's going to have to learn for himself how she is acting. He may not listen to advice you give him as most teenagers don't listen to their parents. I did the same thing in high school i dated the same guy about 20 times in 2 years. Its really just a matter that one day she's going to make him mad for the last time and he will find someone else.

Answer 8

I am sorry for your struggle...it is my struggle too...my 22 year old son is in the same boat. He had given his heart so completely...was going to give her an engagement ring on Christmas (because she steered him that direction)...she broke it off 2 weeks ago...2 days later, called him to tell him she spoke with her family, and she was just confused and now everything is okay...He returned to college from Thanksgiving break...she then called him up and said she still has no peace and feels they do need to break up....but just for a month...then they can see...argh is right!...The sad thing is...he is letting her dictate the story line...I am sure you know what I mean. In the mean time his heart is broke, trying to get through exams...It makes me so mad....and I tell him...why are you letting this be up to her?....because you know what I am thinking....sorry I don't have any real answer for you...it is so hard when we no longer can make the decisions for them. Rips our hearts out to have to watch this.

Answer 9

It sounds like a typical teenager relationship. Encourage him either way whichever he decides to do. If he is with her as gf/bf encourage him to talk with her and figure other what their differences are and if they can work it out. If he isn't dating her encourage him to remain friends with her because sometimes that is how things are meant to be. It sounds like she is the immature one and has issues if she is doing the breaking off. It is tough to stand back and listen and watch as your child is hurting. It is part of life though and someday he'll learn this. Don't speak badly of her. It won't help. He needs/wants someone to tell him they will be gf/bf forever. Unfortunately chances are they won't. Encourage him to have other friends to hangout with not just her.

Answer 10

ok im 19... and i have been through this same situation..... he cannot go bak to her! She is probably his first LOVE right? well you need to tell him that you know its hard to let her go but that it truly is for the best... it sounds like this girl is a major ***** and im going to assume shes a a down right slut.... i think that she breaks up with him when its convenient for her... meaning she sees some more sausage.... and then when shes done with it she goes back to your son..... I was in your sons shoes once and i do know its hard to let go but in order for him to be happy later on down the road its important he get rid of that triffling ho! If that doesnt work.... forbidd him to see or speak to her anymore.... yah you'll be the bad guy for a while but soon enough he will see that you did that to help him.

Answer 11

Well at this age kids do what they want pretty much... its good that you are being supportive of his decisions but he needs to know that breaking up with someone 4 times in 3 months is not love nor is it healthy... he needs to focus on something that he is passionate about ... whether its a sport or choosing the college he wants to attend in the future... something to get him thinking positive about himself... obiously whether you realize it or not there has to be a self esteem issue if he is allowing himself to get hurt this much