Another Mom's jealousy... Why & how should I handle it?

Question

I know another mom that has a new baby 1 mo younger than mine. I love having him over to play with my daughter but I have a hard time understanding the mom. If my daughter learns how to do anything that her son has not yet mastered she makes rude comments, compares the 2 children & just kinda ruins the excitement of their development for me. To me she is making it into a contest rather than appreciating each child for what their good at.
Are lots of Mom's this way? What is the reason for this behavior and how should I handle it?

Answer 1

i also have that happen to me........what i do is just try and ignore it. what you can do is when she is talking that way try stating how much they are becoming individuals. or joke about it. if it keeps up maybe you should try confronting her and letting her know that it upsets you. everybody (no matter how old) does things at different times.

Answer 2

I would simply tell her that EVERY baby develops differently, no baby is the same- we are all unique human beings... yes on average babies will develop certain things at certain times... but there's NO contest going on with a baby's development. As a new Mom myself, I like to compare with others, but am in no way judgmental! I think for me, it's just neat seeing the baby developing! And if another baby is standing, walking, talking before mine... so be it! I think this lady has lot's of issues. I'd be honest with her, tell her not to judge the two babies- I'm sure once one does something, the other will soon after- it's not like one is better than the other. Don't know how you can be around this person- I couldn't if she was always like that.

Oh- and something I just thought of- my aunts were this way with their children, and homes, and husbands... they were terrible... they had children at the same time, and would be jealous and start fights all the time. When their children hit high school, they compared- if one got all A's and a B, the other got all A's, they'd think the other was better. When one would want to join a sport, the parent would get the other in that sport, things like that. It was an ongoing competition, and ruined the relationship between the children and the parents because of them trying to be better and make their children better than their own cousin! So keep this in mind- she probably won't change at all.... and this will continue forever.... so you need to stop it if you can, if not, don't talk to her anymore, I know that sucks, but that's what I'd do.

Answer 3

I don't know how rude the comments are, but don't forget children, even infants, pick up on that negativity. This mom is really insecure! Depending on your relationship with her and how extreme her comments are, I might tell her directly, "I don't see this as a competition, and frankly, your comments are rude. I think both our children are amazing and I love having them play together, but I can't tolerate this negativity around my child"

If you want to keep having this mom & baby over, I'd try refusing to engage in this kind of conversation. Change the subject or just leave those rude comments hanging. Get up to get a glass of water, or whatever.

Answer 4

Tell her, flat-out, that you are not interested in comparing the children. It has become a big problem that people are treating parenting as a competitive sport. it is ridiculous, unhealthy, and outright neurotic. Hopefully just telling her will let her know where you stand on the issue. Unfortunately, this is a widepread issue and youa re bound to run into others like her. I deal with this every day as a teacher, and I am always trying to educate parents against this behavior. Good luck!

Answer 5

Just as with anything in life people are always envious of others for many different reasons. This lady doesn't seem to be too bright. I wouldn't worry about it. It's not worth getting angry over a stupid person. Just remember not to show too much enthusiasm when your child does something great for the first time. Also be aware that you aren't showing off every time she learns something because that could be the reason she acts this way.

Answer 6

This is definitely not something all moms do. First, don't stoop to her level, if you compete back, it'll only get worse. Second, when praising your own child, say something nice about the boy. You don't have to downsize your daughter's acheivement, just turn it into a personal reminder of something neat you saw her son do.
If she still insists on continuing, nicely rebuke invitations for your children to play together. It's unfortunate for her son, but it's also unfair to your daughter to have to be the focus of an outsider's insecurity, and possibly jealousy.

Answer 7

If you dont like it when she says rude comments, dont have him to play anymore or have the Dad come without the mom. The reason for the behavior is just jealousy. She will get over it sooner or later. And sometimes moms are like that.

Answer 8

I always use mild sarcasm to combat most negative people. It makes them aware that they are being rude, but in a light hearted way. It also let's them know that you are not taking their comments too seriously so they should stop trying to be so serious about things too.
I am a very optimistic, positive type person, and I always thought people who made negative statements were acting pretty ridiculous, so I give 'em a ridiculous statement right back. Remember to keep it light hearted, and refuse to let them make you a sour puss too.

Answer 9

I do know moms in our local play group that behave that way. They just get defensive since your child is doing something their's cannot. How have I dealt with it? Praise THEIR kid when they do something new or well, and show the other mom that she's acting like a fool. Otherwise, take it as a compliment and keep your mouth shut. :)
Good luck.

Answer 10

This is pretty common, every mom wants to think their child is the cutest and smartest kid in the world. She needs to come to the understanding that your baby is a month older and it natural for your baby to be developmentally ahead of hers. If she can't understand this, it's probably time to find a new mom for playdates :)

Answer 11

Sounds like mom is really insecure and is equating her parenting skills with developmental landmarks that her child is attaining - totally unreasonable. I'd try to find another playmate for your baby to hang out with.