Hi, i need advice on my 5mth old son hes very demanding , hes hard to put down, hes spoilt i think! my fault?

Question

My son is 5mths old and im finding hard work compared to my 7 yr old daughter. People say i spoilt him when he was small but he was easier as a baby now hes getting harder. Hel scream if you put him down but he'l stop if you pick him up so hes not in pain. Ive tryed letting him cry but i dont think he learns anything from it. He wakes a good bit in the night to hel go back to slleep when you give him his dummy but come 5 or 6 i usually have to put him beside me to get him back to sleep [bad habit I know] i never had to do any of this with my daughter, is there anything i can try? will he get easier?

Answer 1

First, you mentioned spoiling him when he was "small". He is small now. Babies this little don't get spoiled if they're held and cuddled and have their needs met.

Also, letting him cry will just make him feel that when he is unhappy he will be ignored. It will also make him more upset than ever. Babies need to know that if they cry for some reason (and it isn't always because they're hungry or wet) their mother will be responsive. Their mother is their first "world", and if they learn that their "world" is kind and caring and responsive they will feel loved and secure.

He's way too young to "learn anything" from being left to cry as far as learning any lessons go. What he'll learn is that his mother is capable of ignoring his discomfort, and that isn't a good thing for him to learn.

Don't listen to anyone who says you "spoiled" him. They don't know what they're talking about.

Its very normal for babies of his age to wake at around 6 (or even 5:00 or so). That's nothing more than his getting up in the morning. It isn't "not sleeping".

It is possible he's in pain when he screams. Sometimes babies can have a belly pain, but just being held by their mother is enough to calm them and make them more able to deal with it. When my five-year-old son was having an asthma episode that wasn't responding to medicine the doctor had me sit with him and rub his back to see if that helped enough so he wouldn't have to go to a hospital. That helped his asthma attacked more than any medicine. My point is that they can be sick or teething or in pain, but their mother can make them feel cuddled and calmed enough that their pain doesn't seem as bad.

He could be teeth. There's chance he isn't tired at all. There's a chance he's overstimulated and frazzled. Very often babies with older children around may be more frazzled than first-born children.

Usually when babies keep waking up its one of these things: He cold be too cold. He could be overstimulated and/or upset before you put him in to bed. Someone or something in the house is waking him up.

Try rocking him or standing in one place in his bedroom, holding him with his head over your shoulder but maybe leaning against your face. Hold him really snugly, and walk back and forth in a monotonous way; and sing a low, quiet, monotonous, song. Rub his upper back and maybe the back of his head. If you make him feel calm and snuggled for a while before you put him in his crib he's more likely to sleep normally. He may even sleep until seven in the morning.

Babies.com had a good article on why babies cry. Do a search on ask.com for "why babies cry" and see what you come up with.

Rather than wording your question like this, "My baby is having trouble sleeping and cries when it put him in" you essentially said "There's something with this baby. He's not like his sister. He is spoiled and demanding." You've pointed the finger at him as if he has something wrong with him at this point (and then asked if its your fault). If you saw his problem as his having trouble being able to fall asleep soundly for the night you may ask different questions of yourself about what you could do to help him.

Any chance when you had your first child you had someone like your mother around, hold and rocking her before bed? That could be the only difference. Now you have two children. This little guy does not have all your attention, and there's a chance Grandma figured you know how to do it this time around and stays home more than she did when you had the first? (Just making a point about differences between children. Second children don't get a good a deal as first children tend to. Don't blame him.)

Try to get any chaos (noises, people, etc.) there is in the house calmed down around dinner time. People don't have to be silent, but don't have all kinds of lights and noises and running around wild after dinner. Encourage your daughter to find some quiet activity or take a bath after dinner. Make sure too many people don't hold your son over the course of a day.

Try spending 45 minutes in his room (let your daughter read a book or watch tv) before you put him in his crib. Hold him, walk a little, rock him, sing a little, etc. Keep the lights low. Make sure the room is warm (or that he has something warm on, so his upper back and shoulders are warm). See if this helps him feel calmer and snuggled enough to make him sleep better. (Make sure his belly is nice and full too - if he gets hungry he'll wake up too.)

There is a chance he's getting a couple of teeth. If that's the case you could try Ambesol, but usually getting teeth only takes a little while (and a lot of drooling) before they come in and the baby feels better.

If you can figure out all the possible reasons babies cry and try to "cover" them when it comes to what you do with him, you can probably make him a calmer, happier, baby; and it will get better.

If you show him that you are someone who will happily and calmly try to make him happy when he's not happy, that's what he'll learn people do. When he gets to be about two he will have learned that people try to make other people happy, and he'll be more likely to try to please you when it comes to not doing the things you ask him not to. People too often don't seem to realize that.

There are babies who are more passive than other babies and babies who have a little more of an assertive personality. Maybe your daughter was a little more easy-going, or maybe she was just content because she was the only one. Sometimes when babies feel their needs aren't being met they start to be more "squeaky wheels" so they'll "get the grease".

Try to be understanding and calm when it comes to your little, tiny, boy. When you carry him from one place to another, try to be a little more snuggly with him rather than just slinging an arm around his chest and letting him hang (if you're one of the people who do that, as many do). Maybe your little man does need a little more attention right now. You can make him feel like he's getting more attention by carrying him in a more snuggly way.

You could also try putting some really low, slow, music on in his room (some really quietly played classical music or other instrumental music that is slow and calming and can be put on in at extremely low volume).

Finally, if you're tense or irritable he'll sense it even if you try not to show it.

Good luck.

Answer 2

Okay, I have ALWAYS been told that you can't really spoil a baby before the ages of 6 or 7 months. The reason being is because at this age, they still desperately need comfort and love at all times.
He may be sad, or colicky, or in pain some how.

As far as him needing to be by you when he sleeps; we have a 'family bed' in our house. Until my son was 3, (he's 3 1/2 now) we ALL (me, hubby, son) slept together. And he is JUST FINE. So I see nothing wrong with your baby needing you to got to sleep.

One of the things that SAVED our lives was a vibrating bouncy seat. My son absolutely LOVED it! I worked every time! He didn't like a swing, but loved this. If you don't have one already, you can get one for about 25 bucks, and it really is a life saver.

Good Luck, and just love your baby ( not that you don't already do that ) and everything will be just fine!

Answer 3

oh my goodness, please don't listen to those other ppl. you CAN NOT spoil a 5 month old baby. at that age babies are becoming self aware, that is- they are starting to realise they are not a part of mum or dad. and that means they can realise that they can be left alone, and its really quite daunting for them. they don't have the capacity to understand that mummy or daddy will be coming back as they have no concept of time. to him your just gone and he doesn't understand why and has no coping mechanism for this so he cries until you come back and he feels safe again. i only know this because my daughter did the same thing around that age. i picked her up when she cried and she soon learnt that id always come back and it made her feel safe and she eventually learnt to play by herself for a few Min's at a time and we went from there. she's 7 months now and plays happily by her self while i make her brekky, do the cleaning etc etc. sorry this is long, but those other ppl saying he's just spoilt really got me upset. also my heath nurse told me sneaking out of the room while he isn't looking will make it worse as he will panic and freak out more. and will be constantly making sure you aren't going anywhere ALL the time. if you want to email me, ill try give you some tips on what helped me. like i said sorry its long..... good luck

Answer 4

You can't spoil a child that young. If he wants your attention it is because he needs it. Hold him more during the day, even when he's happy. Babys that are held 2 hours a day are far less fussy then babies that aren't. Before too long you won't be able to keep him in your arms because he'll want to get down and play. When babys are secure they need to be held less. I did this with my 4 youngest children. None of them experienced separation anxiety (which usually occurs sometime between 9 and 12 months). They would go to anyone and are very outgoing now.

Answer 5

My daughter is like that to some extent...she has her moods, sometimes she just wants to be held...if i leave her dow shell cry (shes 9 months),..and shes in my bed a lot more than she was at 6 months.

First off, all babies are different, so its hard to say a baby should be a certain way depending on another.

Now im not a child specialist or something, but here is my take on it: You will get two sorts of answers
'Cry it out' or otherwise: I persnally do not belive in that. I think babies need to trust their parents....when my baby cries i put her on an exersaucer in the kitchen with me, or hold her if nowhere to put her, or sometimes i sit next to her and give her a toy to distract her from me and ease her into sitting. (i cant leave the room though). I also loved the BUMBO chair.....its 40 dollars from baby stores (target babis r us, etc) and id sit her in there besides me.
I think she'll grow out of it soon..babies around this age hit seperation anxiety they just want their moms to hold them. be gentle and easy....research shows if they can trust on you they will grow to be more confident and less clingy as adults =)

Godo luck..the grow fast....i know its hard and its a pain at times, but seeing their comfort is all worth it =)

Answer 6

Babies require contact with their parents, he may not be getting enough during the day so he is making up for it at night. Or he may need more than he can get during the day, most babies need 24 hour a day attention, they were designed that way.

Co-sleeping isn't a bad habit, co-sleeping is a choice. It is a choice that is up to you and is no one else's business.

For during the day, get a carrier. Assuming your son can sit up, he is old enough for a back carrier which will allow you to get more done.

Eventually he will want nothing more than to walk around, and around the furniture all day. So don't worry.

This article may help you a lot:
http://askdrsears.com/html/5/T050100.asp

and this one about co-sleeping.
http://askdrsears.com/html/7/T071000.asp

Answer 7

Let him cry it out in his bed at night .check on him every 15 Minuit's or so but, don't stay in the room long and don't pick him up just rub his back or hold his had for a few Minuit's. after a while he will go back to sleep. as for day time you could pick him up but only for a few Minuit's then back down he goes,soon he will start to enterain himself for a while....It worked for my daughter.

Answer 8

Sorry to break it to you but u have to stop giving in to his demands let him cry it out and sleep on his own and as a matter of fact him crying and you not responding lets him know u r not going to take all his bad behavior and he is just going to have to deal with it i know it is nerve racking to hear him cry but give him a day or two without u giving in and he will stop completely trust me i know i am the mother of tw boys and one on the way it hasn't failed me yet Good luck!

Answer 9

ok. u defo can spoil a baby, not much younger than 4 months, but u canafter this time i think. because the nursery i work in the babies know who is going to pick them up and who isnt, they will cry for attention wen certain staff are there and be absolutly fine when they are gone. they know which staff spoil them. smart wee articles lol

Answer 10

just put him down and let him cry it out its very good for there lungs to cry and you dont want your 5 month old walking all over you already i had the same problem with my child and my parents told me to do it, it was very hard listening to him cry but now (hes 21 months) is very independent in all that he does so good luck, its not neglect if you let him cry for alittle while