How to help a family member with mental illness?

Question

Ok, just to start off I know this probably sounds like a joke, but it's not, I am totally serious. My mother-in-law suffers from some sort of mental illness. She tried to commit suicide 1 1/2 years ago so my husband and I allowed her to live with us for a little while to help her get back on her feet, I didn't realise how bad it was until that time. Shorlty after she moved in we found out we were pregnant, she didn't believe me, told everyone that I was lying (even her 6 year old grandson) she says things that make absolutly no sense at all, she talks about how her life was "set up" from the beginning, how everyone is out to get her, she doesn't trust ANYONE, just yesterday my sister-in-law woke up to her standing over her while she was sleeping staring at her and when she woke up she starting asking her questions about things that didn't make any sense and then she basically started verbally attacking her and would have physically attacked her if my husband hadn't intervened

she also did this to me when i was pregnant saying how I got pregnant on purpose so that my husband would choose her over me and kick her out of the house, how i set it all up from the beginning. So basically I'm at the end of my rope. She says she's getting help because her two sons tell her all the time she needs help (it's totally obvious that she isn't getting any help, she thinks there is nothing wrong with her, that it is everyone else) but they are both in denial and don't want to believe that she actually is mentally ill, so I told my husband that I will figure out what needs to be done to help her and help him through it. But I have no idea where to start, I need help, does anyone have any experience with this? Or any suggestions on where to start, who to call, what to do? I'm sorry my question is so long, but please help if you can. Thank You very much.

She is not living with us anymore, my husband made her move out when our son was born (he's 6 months old now), there is no way I was living with her with my son, I believe that somehow she would have hurt him because she believes that by me "getting pregnant" my son has ruined my husbands life as she believes the same thing about her other daughter-in-law. She is not allowed to be alone with my son either.

Answer 1

For starters, if she is still living with you all, that needs to stop!! Second, I can sympathize with you. My father has dementia and exhibits all the signs you have discussed. As always, the safety of your family should come first. I would seek the advice of an attorney to see if I could somehow have them temporarily committed for psychiatric help.

Answer 2

I agree with missrasbe. She needs to be committed to a mental institute. I am not saying she "is" dangerous, but she could be. I have an ex-wife who has a niece that had several personalities and she would and did become violent a couple times. They finally had to have her put away for a little while until the doctors got her medication right. She does very well now. Also, the environment that you are talking about is not very good for a child of any age and should be avoided if at all possible. It could mentally scare a child. I don't know what state you are in, but I am in N.C. and here all you have to do to commit someone is have two signatures of family members and they will put them away and try to help them. Check into your state laws.

Answer 3

Sadly, it sounds as though your mother-in-law may be suffering
from dementia. It's not uncommon in older adults and paranoia
is a fairly common symptom.

The first thing I'd suggest is that you have your husband speak
to his mother's general practitioner doctor. Due to privacy laws,
the doctor may not be able to release information to anyone who
is not an immediate blood relative. Have him explain his concerns,
and detail her behavior. The GP may then refer you to a psychologist/
psychiatrist or gerontologist. There may be medications that
can help your M-I-L.

Your husband and any siblings he has should discuss your
mother's condition and attempt to come to an agreement as to
her care. A lot of this will depend on what exactly her diagnosis
is, and what the prognosis of that condition is. If she is violent,
there is a possibility that she may have to be cared for by
professionals - your husband and his sibs should discuss that
option, as well as any legal ramifications.

The first step though, is to get a diagnosis and your mother in
law's doctor would be a good place to start.

Answer 4

It sounds like the same symptoms as my ex-husband's father has. It is a very sad situation. As I am the ex I cannot remember what he told me his father's diagnosis was. Rex (my father in law) was put into a home because of his mental disorder/disease. Prior to that he became very abusive verbally and physically and he was never that way ever in his younger years He was always a kind and caring man, would do anything for anyone. All I know is that he has a form of Altzeimers(sp?) but different and much worse. The hospital finally was able to prescribe the proper meds and he is much better now but not able to function in society as a normal person. God, it is so sad because I knew him as such a good person, giving to all, gardening, loved his kid and grandkids. It makes me want to cry but it happens to people. Really the only thing best to do is what her (mother in law) doctors say. Just make sure that you trust their decisions. I wish you the best for you, your family and your mother in law. You have to remember that she doesn't mean the things that she does and says. God Bless you and your family.

Answer 5

She is schizophrenic. She needs to be on medications and seeing a therapist. Is she still living with you? Then you have to get her OUT. Have her committed--even a 72 hour hold would help. They can get her the help she needs. She needs to be in an inpatient hospital for mental illness. May sound harsh or maybe your husband can't think about putting her there. But that is what she needs for her own safety----and yours.

Answer 6

First, it's a waste of time to argue against her delusional thoughts. Save your energy there. Second, she is probably too much for you and your family to deal with (with baby and all) so get in contact with your county's mental health board. Explain the situation and they should be able to refer you to the appropriate professionals. If she is a danger to herself or others then she needs help, seriously. It's not fair to her or your family to leave her in that mental state. I'm sure she doesn't want to be this way but she cannot control herself. Good Luck!

Answer 7

I have an older sister when mental issues and she use to kick my @ss when I was little. Basically abuse me. Now we have no relationship. 2 of her kids were taken away because the father of the second one touched them both inappropriately and beats her, she tried to have another with the same man but she died shortly after birth and as far as I know they're pregnant again with a boy. I have to keep myself away from my sister so that I can have a happier life.

Answer 8

She sounds like its either schiz or bi-polar or both.. that sounds exactly my friends mother.

Well you need to put your foot down before she hurts herself or someone else.. next time she does it call the police and tell them to put her in protect custody and that you would like a physcologist to have a discussion with her.

I know its a hard decision to make but it in the end it will be a good one to make, but the problem isn't just going to go away.

My mother in law suffers from dementia.. I was so hard in the beginning and all the stuff that we had to do. It was like turning yourself inside out, and hitting your head up against the wall.

It took sometime to get all the items and things to work out. She is not in stage 7 of alzhmiers.


Mental Health:
Warning Signs

Symptoms of mental disorders vary depending on the type and severity of the condition. Some general symptoms that may suggest a mental disorder include:

In adults

Confused thinking
Long-lasting sadness or irritability
Extreme highs and lows in mood
Excessive fear, worrying or anxiety
Social withdrawal
Dramatic changes in eating or sleeping habits
Strong feelings of anger
Delusions or hallucinations (seeing or hearing things that are not really there)
Increasing inability to cope with daily problems and activities
Thoughts of suicide
Denial of obvious problems
Many unexplained physical problems
Abuse of drugs and/or alcohol
In older children and pre-teens

Abuse of drugs and/or alcohol
Inability to cope with daily problems and activities
Changes in sleeping and/or eating habits
Excessive complaints of physical problems
Defying authority, skipping school, stealing or damaging property
Intense fear of gaining weight
Long-lasting negative mood, often along with poor appetite and thoughts of death
Frequent outbursts of anger
In younger children

Changes in school performance
Poor grades despite strong efforts
Excessive worrying or anxiety
Hyperactivity
Persistent nightmares
Persistent disobedience and/or aggressive behavior
Frequent temper tantrums

Answer 9

OK she is violent toward family big red letter sign she needs professional help sounds like she is dealing with depression and alot of other mixed moods you have to protect your family and your mom and the only way to do that is get her professional help god forbid if she snapped good luck

Answer 10

Talk to your doctor she may have something that can be easily treated, the key goal here is to be patient it isn' really her fault it may be a chemical imbalance. Stick with it you all will be fine in the end.