Ok, here's the deal...this guy and myself have been friends online for over 2 years now. About two months ago we decided to meet IRL to see what would happen. He lives about 2 hrs away.
We've gotten together 4 weekends (fri-sun) and hung out...things progressed somewhat from hand holding and cuddling to being more frisky but no sex. After his fourth visit he told me that when we'd started getting "more physical"...like me touching his chest and thighs....etc. that he was getting anxious and didn't know why.
He said he's totally attracted to me and gets sexually aroused so he didn't know what the problem was.
When he went home he said he was going to think about things. He made lists of things important to him and "us" was #2 right after his family but he still can't pinpoint the anxiety so he doesn't want us to continue into a physical relationship like that at this point.
2006-12-11 00:55:31 · 2 answers · asked by A B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Other stressors in his life school (finishing his Masters and working on pre-med stuff) and work, but he says these aren't the problem either.
He hasn't been in a relationship in 7 years and his only other "serious" relationship was back in college and ended after 4 years after she cheated on him...but he says that's not the problem either.
Kind of frustrating for me...He is a nice person and I know he doesn't want to hurt me so I know he's not playing me...but I still can't figure him out.
2006-12-11 00:55:52 · update #1
He doesn't want to loose me and cries when I mention this. I said we could backtrack to be just friends again if he'd still work on the problem since he says he wants us to be more serious. He says he will work on it but is also like, I may never figure this out.
I am really confused and not sure what to do. Do I just go with the friends deal and not worry about it...as I already love him and want more. He really acts like he wants more until we start getting "too serious"....Does he really want it or just playing me for a fool? I mean, he could have gotten sex but put on the breaks first...which is good since he didn't want to make my hurt worse.
2006-12-11 00:56:03 · update #2
But is this "anxiety" just about me and something that's never going to clear up as long as he's with me? Or is this all just too soon?
He came up again this weekend, second time since he put on the breaks, and he did put his arm around me and hold my hand. He's taken me out to the movies and dinner twice since then and is mega polite too...But when he left there was no kiss, just a hug.
2006-12-11 00:56:14 · update #3
Sounds like this guy is suffering from a case of "moving-too-fast-too-soon." Chatting with someone online is so incredibly different than being together in real life. When you first meet someone in real life, you have to get to know each other all over again to get accustomed to them instead of what they type. It's easy to say stuff online in the security of your own home, but when it comes to follow-through, it's a whole different story.
Four weekends is basically four dates, and that's a very short time to progress into a "more frisky"/almost sex stage!
I strongly recommend giving him time, and backing off the physical displays of affection. Stop spending the "weekends" together and just hang out for one day at a time. Spending the whole weekend escalates expectations and allows for a LOT of "free time" that often leads to flirting and "friskiness." Focus on your relationship and getting used to each other in real life.
Good luck!
2006-12-11 01:05:23 · answer #1 · answered by wnk 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He clearly doesn't want to rush things. Take it slow, too. That way you will go further and none of you will be bored too soon! All the best.
2006-12-11 01:00:27 · answer #2 · answered by pretty1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋