I have mutually ended a 5 yr relationship 4 months ago and although I know it is the best thing that could have happened I have no confidence at the moment and always feel that Im boring and have very low self esteem. On the outside it looks fine but inside Im so unhappy. She has moved on but I seemed to still have noone on the horizon...
I think that everyone is better than me. I feel like im in a rut and want to get out of it ....any ideas?
2006-12-11 00:51:52 · 21 answers · asked by bigbrother 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Well hon, I know how you feel.
you need to give yourself some time to heal.
you really don't need another relationship right now, you need to focus on yourself, figure out where the last relationship went wrong. so when you get into another you won,t make the same mistake again. There is nothing wrong with you!
so this relationship didn't work, no ones perfect That doesn't mean another won't.
remember you had a lot to offer, that was why she fell in love with you. sometimes there really isn't a reason, but we grow apart, due to growing intellectually. and maturing. That really doesn't reflect on you as a person.
you have to realize that your equal to everyone , there is no one worse or better than you are. may i suggest taking a self esteem course, you never know it could help you, it has helped many in the past. you know that you have a lot to offer the right woman.
don't ever listen when someone else tells you your no good, you must realize that we all say things out of anger that we don't mean. doesn't make it right, but you have to take it in stride.
anyway take time to get to know yourself and, your needs, wants etc so that you will have what you need in the next relationship.
hope this helps you
good luck
2006-12-11 01:22:04 · answer #1 · answered by celestialangel43 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give yourself a break. You're being way too hard on yourself. You were in the relationship for 5 yrs and it's only been 4 months. Allow yourself to sort through the things that went wrong in your relationship. Don't feel bad because she's moved on, she might just be doing the rebound thing because she's use to having someone constant in her life. I'm sure you're not boring. Remember, you were in a relationship for 5 yrs so there must be some awesomely great things about you. Hang out with some friends and don't sell yourself short. Someone great will come along for you and you'll look back and know that everything worked out for the best. And by the way, nobody is better than you!!
2006-12-11 09:26:57 · answer #2 · answered by leigh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, you are still thinking about her so quit it. You are going to stay in this rut until you put her behind you.
Second, get back to a normal life style. Focus on excelling at work. Maybe take up a sport or get a gym membership. Take a class or two. Get out with your friends more so you don't feel alone.
You weren't put on this earth just find someone you love. What is you want to do with your life? Go after it, and I guarantee you while your chasing your dream, you will meet someone. Right now, you are wounded fish in the ocean and girls are going to pick up on that. Get back on your feet first, and everything will be fine.
2006-12-11 08:59:25 · answer #3 · answered by I like Chinese food 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Boy, what a boring question. . . JUST kidding!
Have a sense of humor, man, everyone TRIES to make it look like they have it together, but dont' you do the same thing? You just said yourself, everything looks fine on the outside- don't you think everyone is doing that outside appearance thing? Everyone is not doing as well as they act.
Be a person who is rewarding to be around- as I'm sure you are, or someone would not stick with you for over 5 years. You'll find someone else who wants to be with you for a long time, and you won't have to worry about this for aNOTHER long time.
2006-12-11 08:56:19 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're being WAY TOO hard on yourself!! You must be a great guy if someone spent 5 years of their life with you! Break ups are hard, but you'll be fine. Just realize that YOU are responsible for your own happiness, not another person. I currently have no one special in my life right now either, but I'm doing just fine. When the time is right, someone will come along and knock my socks off. lol Go out with friends, DON'T sit around the house and mope about things. Good luck.
2006-12-11 09:00:33 · answer #5 · answered by sparkie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, this may not be the most mature solution, but when I broke up with my highschool sweetheart I went out on the town and just spent the night flirting with guys. Getting all of the attention from them really boosted my ego and made me remember that guys did like me and I was attractive and that there would be someone else out there who would treat me well.
Granted, you do have to be careful with that strategy, and make sure that you don't go too far or do anything you'll later regret, and also make sure that the objects of your flirtation know that you just got out of a relationship and aren't looking for anyone right now. It is a good ego boost, though, and it sounds like you need one!
2006-12-11 08:56:33 · answer #6 · answered by wnk 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop planning your life around the assumption that you just "have to have" a woman in it. Get out and do guy stuff! Hang out with your buddies. Go to a ball game or a concert. If money is an issue, get involved in church; most stuff there you can do for free, plus those people will care about you regardless of whether you are attached or not. Oftentimes, when you aren't looking for love, love finds you.
I was frustrated with women when I was about 19 and decided to have nothing to do with them. When I wasn't even looking, I met my future wife and we have now been married almost twenty years. Women are attracted to confidence. So go be confident with your buddies and who cares what any chick thinks right now? With this approach, the right woman for you will appreciate you for who you are.
2006-12-11 08:56:44 · answer #7 · answered by lmnop 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that aint no way for u to feel the mere fact that u still have life should boost ur spirit daily. get outside get some fresh air pick up a new hobby or somethin go joggin or somethin keep ur mind off her go out wit ur friends man there is so much u can to gain relief which will in turn return all to u all the best im me at tekeisha_moore@yahoo.com i will help u
2006-12-11 09:06:47 · answer #8 · answered by thebeautifultakiesha 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dude your problem...............your trying to compensate in finding someone right away, a fall girl to be exact, and this is totally wrong. You need some "down" time like I did. I dated like 10 girls in one summer before I settled down again. This is what you need to do okay?
here's a list for ya:
1. Go to mall, get a nice outfit.
2. Join a gym, don't hang with muscleheads, just get lean, ripped.
3. Eat some healthy foods, not pizza, fries
4. Run a few miles a week
5. Take a class, any class in a community college, meet some new chicks there.
You need to build self esteem within. stay away from negative people, they just waste your time and energy.
Hope this helps ya, it did for me.
2006-12-11 08:57:33 · answer #9 · answered by godzillasagoodman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find out what you are good at, or do what you always wanted to do but never had the time for it. Go around and meet your friends visit places, travel and have loads of fun don't think about your break-up or anything else. Be practical now, its over... you are a human being have a life..........start a new life. Enjoy!!!
You will eventually find out your lost confidence.......meet new people....and.......Best of luck buddy!
2006-12-11 08:58:16 · answer #10 · answered by elizabeth 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋