why wont my son be affectionate?

Question

my son is 17 months old, up until a couple months ago he would give kisses and hugs to any random person that seemed interested, but lately he wont have anything to do with anyone, even me! i am sure this is probably just a phase or something, but my question is how can i make sure our family members and friends feelings arent hurt by him not wanting to give lovins or snuggle with anyone? this weekend my grandparents came over that had not seen him in a long time and were genuinely upset that he wouldnt have anything to do with them. we are traveling cross country in jan to see my husbands family who havent seen my son since april and i am sure this is going to be an issue with them too, i just dont want anyone to be upset, has anyone else had this problem, what did you do or say? thank you, sorry its so long.

I have been looking at autism websites since the first answer and I dont think he seems to have any other signs of it, he likes to play with us and other children and will let me hold him like when hes going to sleep and stuff its just that he doesnt wanna give kisses and hugs and he doesnt wanna be held or loved by people he doesnt see often.

Answer 1

first thing...yea, it's probably just a phase.
second...stop worrying about everyone's feelings when they get rejected by a child.
he isn't old enough to understand manners, so stop worrying. the people that should feel bad are the ones who give you a hard time b/c your kid isn't "performing" how they want him to!!!
that's exactly what they want. they want him to act a certain way and sorry to burst their bubble, but kids aren't dogs and they don't do commands.

sooooo, still give him lots of cuddles and love so he knows that it's there if he wants it and let him go and explore his world.

my neice will be 2 in march, so she's a bit older, but not by much, and she isn't really a cuddler. if she does cuddle, then she only wants daddy and sometimes mommy.
she is a really BIG daddy's girl. my point is that she is walking round exploring her world and isn't very interested in being a "baby" anymore.

so, keep on being a great parent and don't let your family get to you. they need to remember what it's like to have kids:)

take care and happy holiday:)

Answer 2

This is a phase, my son has done it too, in fact all my children have done this, it has just been recently my youngest son went through his phase. He is just exerting an independence over his body, so do not let anyone force him into giving hugs and kisses. This would definitely send the wrong messages. It will pass in a few weeks, and he will be giving more hugs and kisses than you can handle. I did not really say much about it, I would ask for hugs and kisses at different times of the day and when he said no, I just told him I loved him and let it go at that. Sometimes he would agree and I told him I loved then too. Just let people know he is going through an independence stage and he may not give any hugs and kisses. Though they are free to ask, they must respect what he says, I am sure they will all understand.

Answer 3

My son was similar (and still is at 5 years old!!!) in being very affectionate & then just out of the blue would whine or cry when someone wanted to hold him or hug him....Just paying attention, I think my son was getting a little "too much attention" & was over-stimulated by all the affection he was getting. I think even at that age people can get on his nerves. Even now at age 5, if someone goes to kiss him, he'll wipe his face off! But if we leave him alone for a little while, he'll come & crawl up in my lap for nothing more than just to sit w/"Mommy" & be "babied."

Answer 4

All kids go through a time where they want not to be hugged and kissed. Thats normal and you as his mother just have to explain to the others that he is making his own dicision on the subject. Grown ups can say no so why should your son not have the right to say no.
What you have to do is offer it to him during the day. Our daughter oneday came up and started kissing and hugging again because we would offer it to her so she would not forget, they forget so fast at that age. With a friend, she did not offer/remind her child and it took awhile until she started up again.
So remeber your son has the right to say no, just keep offering it to him, it will start again.
Its also a good sign that he is aware of his surroundings and knows what he wants. I know you miss it but if you keep asking he will one day come back with kissing and hugging during the day.

Answer 5

It can be a phase, I used to be really affectionate, not so much no.Teenage years are difficult and personalities can change. Don't tell you're family he is going through a phase though, say he has been changing and been different. You do not want to make it seem like he isn't the same person he's always been.

Answer 6

Children go through phases...your folks should understand that.
My cousins little girl takes a really long time to warm up to anyone...even her own grandparents, who she adores, and sees on a weekly basis. She's always been that way, its just who she is. People who are being offended by a childs decision to give or not to give hugs freely are being selfish.

Answer 7

My son does the same thing with my in-laws since we live in a different state than they do. Alot of times he won't let my father in law touch him for a while when we do visit. I just told them that he doesn't see them very much so he gets shy when we are there. They completely understood and just tried playing with him until he finally came around. I hope things go well. They should understand, and he should come around after being there for a while and let them play with him and all.

Answer 8

It could just be a phase, it seems there "fears" kick in aroung this time. Just to be on the safe side though, check out Autism to make sure he doesn't show more signs of that. Good luck to you.

Answer 9

My g'son has been going to doctors' to be checked for autism. The shutdown at that age is a flag. I have been reading much on the beginning stages of it. Does your son have all of his other growth advancements coming on a timely basis--words, motor skills, and all that? If he is behind, definitely get with a pediatrics specialist to start having him tested.

Answer 10

All kids go through this, If they don't see the person everyday they forget who they are. Your Grandparents should be old enough to understand. Don't let it bother you, as they say this too shall pass.