Should I tell him the truth and only the truth about his biological father?

Question

My son's father has lied to me about his intetions with me and has been messing around with another woman and has decided to be with her. He is an felon, drug addict, alchie and liar. He is with this woman now cuz she's pregnant and now he is her problem cuz I know he hasn't told her the whole truth about himself. Anyway, I am going to go for full custody cuz he never took care of him anyway and has been locked up off and on for over 8 years of my son's life. I want to know if I should tell my son the truth about his dad? I don't want to be nasty but just tell him the truth and give him the facts. What do you think?

Answer 1

I identify with your dilemma to a tee! Definitely be honest with your son if he asks questions. Just don't get into the gritty details, eg. cheating on you. I would simply tell my son that his dad has a lot of problems he needs to work through, and his lack of presence in his life has nothing to do with him. (That's what I pretty much said to my son.) As your son gets older and more mature you could then elaborate somewhat. My son is 14 and now speaks to his biological father on the phone all the time. My son is fully aware of his father's past. Interestingly, his father is very open discussing his wrong doings in the past and is encouraging my son not to make the same mistakes. Your ex just might surprise you and grow up one day! Mine took 15 years! Bottom line: Don't slam the dad in front of your son. Approach the subject rationally and always think before you speak! Good luck!

Answer 2

Honesty is ALWAYS best but at what age can he handle the truth is a another story. Probably 8 is a bit young. Keeping it light and telling him that his Father has some problems and that he needs some professional help should be enough for now(hopefully) I would be careful not to talk bad or put the Father down in front of your son, because no matter how awful the Dad is, it is still his Dad, and he will have a Love for him regardless, and that could backfire on you someday and make him resent you, instead of the father. I think that as a parent you will know by your motherly instincts when the time is right to tell him the kind of person his Father is, just be sure to leave your thinkso's out of it so that your son can make his own decision regarding his Father. Good Luck!!!

Answer 3

Yes he should know about his father but I gather that you are doing this for the sake of spite and if you are to tell your son this you have to spare him some details that could really hurt him. Don't think about yourself so much you should think about your child before everyone else even yourself. So instead of getting back at his dad you are actually hurting him instead. If you need to settle the score then get custody of your child. He is fighting for him and I'm sure that you won't want your son growing up to be just like his dad. No matter what you think that your son could never be like his dad but just having his father around him he would be influenced so if you love your son you would do the right thing by him.

Answer 4

You should explain to him the reason why his Father and yourself are no longer 2 gether, but don't be 2 specific. It's according to how old your child is also. One thing u should never do is put down the other parent in front of the child. The child will grow up 2 resent u for it. It doesn't matter how bad the Father is, u must let the child form his own opinion of him. In ur case i would go for full custody, get supervised visitation for the father. Still remember the child is human, he has feelings too.

Answer 5

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Answer 6

I think that at 8years of age, he is not able to comprehend the full impact of what you are thinking of telling him. So, wait until he is a little bit older. You wont have to tell him anything, it is obvious if his father is not in his life. And you just need to reassure him that you are there and always will be. That his father has made some very bad choices in his life and unfortunately he does not love himself. Therefore he is incapable of taking care of him. Good luck and God bless****

Answer 7

Of course, what else would you tell him? The truth is always best, especially with children. They will find out in later years, one way or another, then ask why you lied. BUT...don't be too harsh when dealing with him about his father. Don't tell him so much that it will scare, confuse or hate his father. Just explain the situation as best you can w/o letting out too much frustration. Kids are not stupid, he'll figure out the rest in time.

Answer 8

YES please be honest with him or he will end up blaming you. i am adopted and i have known the whole truth since i could remember. if he is to young to know the details just let him know dad is not such a good person. my daughters father is in prison till 2011 for trying to kill me and she knows he did something bad and that his mind isnt right. i wont give her specifics till she is a bit older but she is happy with the explanation for now.

Answer 9

Tell your son when he's old enough to understand and go easy with what you say and how you say it. You don't want your son to feel bad about himself.

Answer 10

I would talk to a doctor, like a therapist, and let them give you some help with this. I am gald you are getting that headache out of your life. Good luck....