Moving with joint custody?

Question

I have been remarried for six years now and share joint custody of two children (12 and 10) with my ex. We are on good terms and have agreed this coming summer (finally!) that it is alright if I move out of state. My current husband has asked for years to move back to his home state. It will be better financially for us all, not to mention other positive factors associated with the move. I have told the kids that they can pick if they want to come or not, since they are older. My 12 yr old has decided to stay here, and the 10 yr old wants to come with. I have a good relationship with both children. I also have two young children with the new husband. My question is this. When we move in the summer and my 12 yr old stays here, will she feel like I've abandoned her? Should I wait another year? (It's been 3 years already) Her father is good to her and I'm not worried that she won't be taken care of but I will miss her terribly, is it wrong to leave her here if that's what she wants??

I should have included that she has told me she wants to stay because our family (extended, i.e. grandparents and aunt) are here and she doesn't want to leave them. She has also told me she really doesn't want to live with her father when I leave! She just doesn't want to leave the family because she thinks it will hurt their feelings. She is the type of person who tends to put other peoples feelings before her own so sometimes I wonder if she really does want to come but chose to stay because of that

I should also add that when they were younger (from the time she was 2 until 7 yrs) that they lived apart. She lived with me and he lived with him. When he was old enough to go to school, he moved in with me because the schools by me are better.

Answer 1

Lets all get on with our lives, it seems like your 12 year old has made her decision and that both you and her are on good terms with the arrangement as well as your ex. Don't keep putting off the inevitable it is not like you are abandoning her and she does know this. You will be in constant touch and you have the rest of your family with you, hey, letting her go might even bring you closer. You don't know how many woman wish they had your situation, you will miss her but that won't stop you from loving her. You do what YOU KNOW is best for you all and stop second guessing yourself. GOD BLESS.

Answer 2

I know that even when courts are involved they ask the child of her age what she wants. You need to sit down and discuss with her. If she is comprehending that you are not abandoning her then I would say follow through. If she seems like shes not understanding I would wait maybe a couple of more months till you can sit down with her and maybe a counsler.
Make sure that she understands that if for some reason she wants to move with you she can come at a later time. Always call her and visit her and let her know that you are trying to do what you see best fit for the family. Also remember you are the parent and she is the child. You make the major decisions. Discuss it with your ex and see what his input is on the situation.
Hope this helps.

Answer 3

Yes, she will feel like you chose your new family over her. Divorce is hard enough on children, she may be chosing to stay with her Dad out of necessity, because she does not want to leave everything she has ever known behind. This will also hurt the relationship with the 10 year old too. I would seriously reconsider the move, I have known too many children that were put in the situation your daughter is in and I don't know one that didn't feel abandoned. Please reconsider your situation, it is detrimental to her well-being.

Answer 4

its a bad idea to split the 2 children up

Answer 5

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