It's 9.34 on a wet, dismal and cold Monday morming, (Guess where I am......!) Cheer me up....Go on give it your best shot....
2006-12-10 20:33:49 · 18 answers · asked by dawn 3 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
What is the difference between a genealogist and a gynaecologist?
One looks up the family tree and the other looks up the family bush.
2006-12-10 20:55:30 · answer #1 · answered by the gunners 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him fifty quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. And he said, "no, the steaks are too high".
The other day someone left a piece of plasticine in my dressing room. I didn't know what to make of it.
So I went to the dentist. He said "say 'aaah'". I said, "Why?" He said, "My dog's died."
I was reading this book, 'The History of Glue'. I couldn't put it down.
2006-12-10 20:42:39 · answer #2 · answered by Andrew R 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'm very sorry it's not short, but hope you enjoy it anyway!
A man asked for a meal in a restaurant. The waiter brought the food and put it on the table. After a moment, the man called the waiter and said:
"Waiter! Waiter! There's a fly in my soup!"
"Please don't speak so loudly, sir," said the waiter, "or everyone will want one."
Have a nice day!
2006-12-10 20:36:59 · answer #3 · answered by AQ 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
What do you call a spider with no legs?
A Currant
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A Cloud
What do you call a fish with no eyes.
A Fsh
2006-12-10 20:49:27 · answer #4 · answered by Malcolm M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A bloke joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he's allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the Abbot brings him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. He nods and sends him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says. "That's not surprising," the Abbot says. "You've done nothing but complain since you got here."
2006-12-10 20:42:59 · answer #5 · answered by Barbara Doll to you 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Read my Barbie's letter to Santa on my blog. It'll give you a chuckle!
2006-12-10 22:07:01 · answer #6 · answered by Kizzy_ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
guy goes into local builders and asks for 15,000 red bricks.
guy asks him is it for a conservatory?
no, he replies. its for a barbecue.
the guy says, 15,000 bricks is an awful lot for a barbecue.
man says, no its not. i stay on the 12th floor.
sorry. i thought it was quite funny. lol
2006-12-10 20:41:44 · answer #7 · answered by techno mentalist 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
What's red and white and red and white and red and white?
Santa Claus rolling down a mountain
2006-12-10 20:36:05 · answer #8 · answered by Cold Fart 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well frankly I could do with some cheering up myself... but here goes...
What's got two legs and bleeds?
Half a dog.
2006-12-10 20:44:40 · answer #9 · answered by Buck Flair 4 · 2⤊ 2⤋
why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was out standing in his field
2006-12-10 20:59:01 · answer #10 · answered by G B 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋