How can/should I handle my sister in law????????

Question

She first tried to buy my mom with gifts and calls and me with friendship. Once she became pregnant and married to my brother, she DISOWNED us?!?!!? She went to his dad's side where the money is and will not talk to me or my mom any longer. We leave messages and packages and notes for him and the kids and nothing is ever returned or acknowledged. Mutual friends have told me she likes the MONEY side of the family which does not include myself or my mother. My Mom doesn't want to believe she could have such a HOLD on my brother....I am forbidden from saying anything bad about the WITCH in front of my Mother and I am going CRAZY!!!! She used to be my friend but when I emailed her she told me to direct it to my brother? When I talked to him he said we are reading to much into it? Hmmmmm......they haven't brought their son to a holiday other than two times in the past three years. We usually get together 3 or 4 times a year plus other stuff.... Now they ignore us for the "rich"?

Answer 1

Your brother doesn't care what happens... why should you.

Answer 2

I believe in taking the high road with respect to your mother's feelings but this is a situation that definitely requires some mediation.
I am a middle child of twelve children. I have 7 brothers and most of them are married. I have many Sister-in-Laws that have put our family in similar situations. Due to Divorce, my siblings have varied opinions about siding or going against the other parent. My family is a perfect example of a dysfunctional family unit. However, within "dysfunction" is the root of "function." Our bonds are strong but we are all strong willed and strongly opinionated siblings who do what we justify is right to do. I am one to confront an issue directly so this is what I would do if I were you.
I would first sit down with your mother and explain the pain that you are feeling over this situation. Try to hold back your anger toward the "SNL." Your mother will understand because she is hurting much more than you, for sure.
Explain that you plan to have a peaceful conversation with the "SNL" as well. Explain that for the sake of what once was friendship, you two owe each other some form of explanation as to what the relationship means now. **This is something that needs to be determined before you can even begin to dicuss the effects on the relationship between you and your brother as well as their lifestyle choice to side with one side of the family and not both sides.
Next, I would have the exact same sit down discussion with just your bother and discuss the same issues.
I don't know about your relationship with his rich father's side but perhaps for one holiday you could invite some of them to your function. Whether they attend or not, you tried to please everyone for the sake of family during the holidays.
Worst case scenario: if the family continues to drift apart and you don't do anything (positive) to try to correct it, you will never have closure.
Your mother will be comforted by you putting your personal issues of anger aside and show her that she does have a child who is sensitive to her needs and feelings and only wants the best, for the sake of the family! You will never be able to make your brother or his wife do what they don;t want to do but at least you will all know where you stand and you can accept it for what it is. You need to diffuse your anger and try to retain love for your brother and mother. Best of Luck.

Answer 3

Unfortunately I know exactly how you feel. There are certain people in my family who think they are better than the rest of us. There are some of us in the family who have decided to just look the other way and not say anything to "rock the boat" and then there are others of us who don't have a problem telling them exactly how we feel (I'm included in this group) when they start acting all high and mighty. Your mother is wrong to forbid you from speaking your mind about her and I think you should let her know that you will no longer do so because it is unhealthy for you to hold that kind of stress inside all of the time.

As for your brother, well, it's your decision what you want to do. What I did in my situation was I confronted my stepsister (which in your case would be the sister in law) in front of my dad and stepmom who was blind to her behavior (in your case, your brother) and pretty much told her I wouldn't put up with her holier than thou attitude and her lying about me and my Dad behind our backs and that if I ever caught her talking out of turn about us again that she would curse the day she was born (of course yours would have to do with being ignored and treated like crap). Now mind you, to this day she is still a compulsive liar and still seeks the spotlight but as far as I know she has never lied about myself or my dad since that day. So maybe your actions won't be able to change her completely but if you approach her in front of your brother with reliable facts and show him how sincere you are, then maybe she'll get the point and realize she better be a little more complacent about letting him and your nephew spend more time with you and your Mom...and who knows, your brother could be secretly wishing for someone to confront her about her behavior and unwillingness to spend time with you and your mom and is just waiting for you or your mom to come forward.

Answer 4

If your brother and sister-in-law love their son, the money won't be an issue forever! Once your nephew starts asking about his grandmother and aunt then I'm sure your brother will see that money can't replace family. I'm sure that your sister-in-law, if she cares about her son, will eventually see that it is better for him to know the rest of his family as well. It's very shallow of her and, I'm sure, frustrating and hurtful for you and your mother but have faith in your brother that he will make the right decision for his son as well as you and your mother. If not then I suggest you do your best to keep in contact with your nephew. He will grow up and, naturally, become curious about why he was kept away from his family and you and your mother will not look like the bad guys to him if you always do your best to be a part of his life now. Unfortunately he may develop resentment for his parents but, you can always be there to help him through that as well. Best of luck to you all!!

Answer 5

Ah well, the world is full of shallow, narrow-minded people. Surely this comes as no surprise to you? In future, don't bother with gifts and packages for these ill-mannered boors anymore. Acknowledge their birthdays etc. with a card, and leave it at that. That way, you are keeping the lines of communication open, and maybe one day, when your brother wakes up, he will not feel too ashamed to return to a normal relationship with his family.

Answer 6

I'm going through that right now except its my daughter in law. You can do NOTHING until your brother decides to put his foot down. All you can (and should) do is love them regardless of their stupidity. There will come a day when they will need you and suddenly they will be back in your life. Sorry, isn't it? Love may conquer all, but it hurts getting there on occasion. This is one of those occasions and you can't do one d*mn thing about it.

Answer 7

Unfortunelty I would just let her go. I wouldnt want my son to grow up and think that its okay to just stay with the rich side of them family. Sooner or later your brother will realize whats going on and either try to make amends with you or just let it be which isnt the way to be. Your mother sounds like she is being niave to the situation and sometimes if that is what gives her peace let her be.

Answer 8

Hey I have a couple of those myself. And there is a term for men like your brother, only I can't use it here. Starts with a P and ends with a d.

Answer 9

You can't handle her. The best thing would be to just let go of people who don't want to have anything to do with you. You can't make someone like you. So enjoy the family who accepts you for who you are and move on without them.

Answer 10

are not getting offended at me, i'm basically going to be easy when you consider which you sound basically like me while i grew to become into youthful and that i necessary somebody to be easy with me. It did not experience stable in the commencing up yet i'm grateful for it now because of the fact now I see what an immature, egocentric fool i grew to become into: What does that say approximately you in case you will possibly nevertheless prefer to go away your newborn together with her if she grew to become into as undesirable as you describe? Sorry, yet take it from and fool who has been on your comparable footwear. i'm basically being easy because of the fact while i grew to become into youthful i grew to become into additionally in denial approximately my shortcomings and it grew to become into greater handy to crucify somebody else than to paintings on my own character flaws. i'm not asserting your sister in regulation would not have some subject concerns, yet come on, do you prefer her that badly to toddler sit down and enable you to alongside with your wedding ceremony and bathe? She's making excuses to not watch your toddler? hi? She's a drama queen? She's jealous? It looks such as you have been utilising her and he or she's fed up in it. somebody had to be this easy with me quicker or later in my existence and that i eventually grew up. i wish you're taking this suggestion with grace and comprehend that many times we could desire to look at ourselves while we start up specializing in different peoples flaws too plenty. it many times seems that it is your very own self with the flaw, not the different guy or woman. stable success.

Answer 11

Talk to your brother and tell him how much it hurts your mom.Tell him he owns it to your mom,to be a better son.