help my son wouldnt go to bed!!!?

Question

he is 3! and he as total control because i dont like to see him upset!!the other night he didnt sleep at all!! he was awake for 24 hours! its wearing me out because when he eventually does fall asleep!! i dont sleep cause its my only free time to relax!!i need advice! but i dont want to hurt him its my fault hes this way because he as been a sick child and had an operation 2 months ago!!so im a big softy but its draining me now!!! please help look im still up at 7am! i havent slept yet and wont today!!

Answer 1

I agree with most others that the only way forward is to brave a week of hell and be strong. Start a rock solid bedtime routine and sacrifice all else until it's in place.
Supernanny style! : Dinner (preferably all together) then play (maybe the park if you feel he needs wearing out)
winding down, quiet play, bath (lavender ess oil 2 drops or johnson & johnson baby bedtime bath, peaceful lighting, keep it calm and quiet, nice story and bed. Sounds great doesn't it. Now for the hard part.
When he first gets up you say "It's bedtime sweetie" and return him to his bed. Second time you say firmly but calmly "It's Bedtime" try not even to make eye contact,just pick him up and take him. He will sruggle and scream but he only wants his own way. He's not actually properly distressed so be strong.
On each subsequent time of rising you say nothing,make no eye contact, just keep returning him to bed, over and possibly over and over again. My little girl got up 42 times the first night we did this with her and my partner and I were absolute jellies at the end of it, but the sweet taste of victory was still ours- we said go to bed and won!!!!
We had to do this for about a week and each night got slightly easier. Eventually bedtime came and after story I said come on then, bedtime, and she grabbed her ted and off she went. I almost passed out. You can't be the lovely mummy you obviously are on no sleep with a 3 year old to entertain all day. It's not possible. Please try this as I know it sounds harsh but it really works. After a few months of good bedtimes you can lighten the routine slightly but remember children thrive on routine and really need it. Best of Luck!

Answer 2

If you dont take charge of the situation at this age then god help you when he is a teenager, believe me, i have a 15 yr old son who was an angel when he was a toddler but got steadily harder to handle as the years went on.
Children need boundaries and it sounds that he crosses them all.
You have to be firmer when he goes to bed. Have a routine, ie bath, milky drink and story. I would say leave him as he is dropping off. You will prob have to keep doing this, but be firm and dont allow him out of his bedroom. If he does get up in the night, straight back to his bed. Within a few days he will get the idea if he knows that his crying wont get him what he wants.
Unless you want this behaviour to carry on until hes at least 8 or 9 then stop it now

Answer 3

Your son is going to become even sicker if he doesn't get his proper rest! Your son needs for you to be a mom, someone to take control and guide him through good, and bad times. Who is supposed to teach him about life? YOU!!!! Life isn't fair out there you know, so don't let him down now, start gradually showing him TODAY that life isn't a bowl of cherries. We all have to live by rules. Love is also showing discipline-it's a part of love. Your creating someone who isn't going to be able to get along with others, because you've enabling and permitting him to do as he pleases. Your the one God choose to teach him respect, honesty, and all the other aspects of life he's needing to learn in life. Children are like a sponge. I am sorry to hear about him having health problems, and I do hope he will be OK-but if you want him to have a strong character to keep going- he needs his sleep-so his body can rest for the day. Some 3 year old's still take naps! He needs a schedule in his life, a routine, and a bed time! Than you also can have grown-up time! Good Days!!

Answer 4

noone likes to see their child upset however if you wish this to become a habit, you really need to put your foot down now. try giving him a bath with a couple of drops of lavendar in it and then massage some lavender oil on his back (only a small amount) to soothe him after bath. spend some time having cuddles and a story quietly in his room and then tell him 'its time to go to sleep'. You have to at least sound like you mean it. Tell him you will only be in the next room and you are not going anywhere. If he comes out of his room, just take him by the hand and tell him that its bedtime and he needs to go and stay in bed. You will find you will need to do this over several nights until a pattern emerges. Good luck.

Answer 5

So he gets upset, too bad, you are the Mom and need to put your foot down. The not sleeping is not healthy at all and you have to stop it NOW! Put him in his bed, use his crib if he gets out, put a gate at his bedroom door, whatever you need to do to keep his little rear in bed. I'm so tired of seeing questions like this, YOU are the parent, HE is only 3 years old for cryin out loud!!! What will you do when he gets mad at you when he's 12 because you won't let him stay out all night, or what will you say when he's calling your for bail money at 2 in the morning one day? You are not his friend, you are his mother, ACT LIKE IT!

Answer 6

You have to stand firm, set a bedtime routine at the time you think is apropriate. Eg 6pm dinner followed by bath and teeth cleaning, dress for bed then story time. Low lighting and as little noise as possible from dinnertime onwards. Also try lavender oil in his bath and a small lavender scented sachet under his pillow. Put on some soothing music in his room, tuck him in to bed and say good night, then leave the room. If he fusses leave him, if he gets out of bed put him back, It may be a fight but you will get there. I do not recomend cutting out daytime naps, as this could make him over tired and therefore harder to settle, as could letting him run wild late in the evening. If you think his daytime naps are affecting night time sleep make them earlier in the day and slightly shorter. Do make sure there is nothing more serious going on that could be causing him to act this way. If he is at daycare or spends time away from you with other adults make sure there is nothing going on that you are not aware of.Also if there is something stressful happening at home or in your life he may be reacting to that. Good luck.
PS: there is plenty of music out there especially for calming little ones to sleep but with both of our children we found THE CRYSTAL SHIP by THE DOORS to work an absolute treat. We just put a CD player in their rooms and hit repeat.

Answer 7

my little girl has had two opperations she is now four, she had the opperations when she was two yrs then again at 3 yrs as a result she took a long time to learn to sleep all night, keep puting he back into bed everytime he get's up, after a week or so he will learn that you want him to sleep, remember that sleep is a learnt thing and you need to teach him, your not being mean, your being mean by not teaching him how to sleep
hang in there, remind yourself that you are a great mum, GOOD LUCK

Answer 8

Honey you need to put your foot down. Keep him up all day, do not allow naps whats so ever & at 8 pm turn off everything, lights tvs radio computer and lay w/ him. He may stare at the celieng or cry , just brave through it & within a few days all should be back to normal. Best of Luck

Answer 9

Contact Super Nanny!

Answer 10

We have been through the same scenario and the paediatrician said "Only one solution: tough love". You have good advice above so I will not repeat it. It took ten days, but it worked.
I sympathise with what you have been through. It is not your fault your little one had to have an operation, and now he should feel much better.You have been through an anxious time but you are not doing him or yourself any favours by spoiling him.