How can we forgive as humans?

Question

The hate I have in my heart my parents, those who tried their best to destroy me, often consumes me. I wish I could forgive them for what they did, but can people who show no remorse, sympathy, or even any trace of human emotion truly be forgiven? If I forgive them they will not change; they will still be the same people they always were. It amazes me how easy it is for me to forgive people, no matter what they did to me, when they are truly sorry, when I can feel the pain their activity caused.

Answer 1

Counseling. You need to deal with the pain, and rage you feel for them. Forgivness is not for them, its for YOU! You never have to tell them you forgive them, or expect them to care, you need to deal with the emotional trauma left in you, and heal YOURSELF for you. Counseling will help, dont be embarassed or too proud to seek it out.

Answer 2

Forgive them. I know it's very hard, espeically when they don't regret what they've done or if they show no desire to change. But, what good does it do you to not forgive them? By forgiving them you are allowing yourself freedom, you're allowing yourself to love them (or anyone else) no matter what..which is the most important thing anyone can do on this earth. By forgiving them, you will also open the door that, if in the future they realize their mistake and wish to change, you can easily help them because you hold nothing against them.

Also, remember that you cannot see their thoughts or what is in their heart about what they have done or will do. So, forgive them..you never know..maybe they do regret it and with a little love that you show them, they will have thecourage to admit it!

Answer 3

Your question hits home. I find myself in the same predicament, the only difference is that it no longer consumes me. My question is how can you forgive if they haven't asked for your forgiveness? How could you forgive if in their minds, they believe that they have not done you wrong?
As you can tell, I have an issue with forgiveness as well. The way I deal with it is that I've cut all communications with my mother. That is the only way to prevent any further infliction of wounds. I recognized that I was hurt and that in time, that hurt will pass and it did. I'm at peace with myself because I no longer have ill feelings towards her. I actually send blessings her way and hope that she is as happy as I am with myself and the world around me. I don't know that I will ever speak to her again but for now that's the way it stands.
I send you Peace.

Answer 4

By focusing on the good in life, and not on the pain of the past.

And by not going around Any one or anything that is negative.

When the memory of the one who caused you harm, arrives, do not focus on the pain caused by them, nor the negative reasons why they did it.

Focus on how once, they were a baby, focus on the beauty of the innocence of the baby.

To forgive, you Must forget. Forget the pain, forget the negative.
Remember the positive, yet also, stay Only with the positive, and stay away from all negative signs of others.

even if they are your own parents.

Answer 5

This is something I have struggled with too - and I think that part of the answer lies in simply praying about it. Pray that He will reveal His love in your heart - because it is only love like His that will produce real forgiveness for anyone.

Also remember that the point of forgiving somebody, is not so that they will change, but so that you will let go of control and leave the situation in His hands. Otherwise will you hold on to your unforgiveness as if you were holding it ransom? Meaning you won't forgive until someone does something for you?

Answer 6

Pain is caused by covetting or desire for something this is one of Buddhisms Noble Truths. If you want to forgive and find that you can't it is because what you really want is for them to change. This is selfishness. You are trying to inflict your attitudes on them, this won't work. Selfishness causes pain as you can see for yourself. Find the root cause of your pain and suffering then fling it away this is the Buddhist Way to the Path. Try a different approach, firstly it was their decision to inflict pain in the first place....if you try to inflict like for like this will simply allow the pain to exist and that is your decision.....make a different decision....decide not to inflict pain.....the pain remains but no longer in your heart...you have flung it away and it will no longer affect you...in this way you have made a conscious decision to not hurt....this will change you because every consequent decision you make will be along the same Path. Your decision to eliminate their pain will then multiply and you will feel no more pain....an idea to help you....I'm not trying to convert you just trying to help you deal with suffering....try it ...it may help...your decision to not inflict pain is forgiveness, you have turned the other cheek, this will not change them it will change you, you have become a better person because of them....no religion involved just logic and reason....

Answer 7

Cool name,Jett the guitar man. As humans we forgive cats that scratch or bite us, pea on our favourite recliner and vomit fur balls. All unpleasantness's, but hey,they are cats,and we accept that there is nothing we can do about it. Let us not put humans on pedestals. Humans destroy the planet they live on , kill each other, and are selfish. They are humans, and there ain't notin' you can do about it. What you can do is regain your power in your relationship with your parents, tell them how you truly feel without any pink ribbons, let 'em have it if you will. Then you will become your own best friend, standing up for yourself. You can eventually feel good enough about yourself to detach yourself from them and forgive them, as they are only humans. Do read the suggested books

Answer 8

As a child, forgiving people for their wrongdoings against me was so easy. Now that I am older, I find it difficult to forgive, but still can forgive in my heart without telling people I forgive them.

The old saying, "Forgive but don't Forget", is a good rule to go by. If someone has hurt you once, they most likely will hurt you again and again.

Answer 9

Hi Jett,
I am sorry you have had a hard life with your parents.My life with my parents was on the rotten side.My dad a missing drunk,my mother had mental problem and would become very abusive.
What you have in your heart is not just hate but it is coupled with hurt and rejection.
What I found was that I could not forgive.It was not in me.One day as I was praying God spoke to my heart.I had to seek to forgive others.I spent a lot of time in prayer.It is not easy.You need Gods help.You can not do it on your own.I have prayed for you.I have asked God to help you,Jesus is the main source of forgiveness.Ask Jesus to help you as you ask him for forgivness for yourself.
Jesus knows your pain.God bless you.
Love Nana,<><

Answer 10

Be the bigger person. The pain they caused you is not hurting them. It's hurting you. The only way to release that pain and start the healing process in yourself is through forgiveness. Whether they think they did anything wrong or not, whether they ask for forgiveness or not you have to do it for YOU! Let's look at it from another point of view....God offers forgiveness to us all for whatever sin, for whatever reason, as many times as we need it. If we refuse to forgive are we not putting ourselves in a higher position than God Himself? The act of forgiveness is very freeing. God bless you in your journey.

Answer 11

I think maybe you are confused as to what forgiving means. It doesnt mean to condone bad behavior, nor become friends with them but to clear their sin against you out of your life. It is not to change THEM it is to change you. When people hurt you and show know remorse, the best revenge to have is to not let it stay with you. Get over it, live your life, dont give them the pleasure of knowing you still suffer.