Ive been with my boyfriend for half a year now, things work out fine. Hes a single parent with 2 boys (4 & 6) who stayed with his mom in the US so far, because he serves in the US military & is stationed overseas where he & I met. Now, they are finally coming over to live with him/us, which makes me really happy, because they didnt see their dad in a long time (even before he was here, he was deployed 3 times already). Most of their lives they stayed with their grandma, because their actual mom f*cked up (excuse my language). The six-year-old remembers her, the four-year-old doesnt. Im pretty young (20) yet more mature than most young women at my age (been on my own for a long time & other factors made a deep impact on that). Ive been with children before, worked in daycare, did a lot of babysitting - but between watching and raising a child there is a big difference. I need advice on how to build a good relationship with the boys. I want to be their friend & mom (when theyre ready)...
2006-12-10 17:10:05 · 7 answers · asked by ? 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Also, his mom wil come over for about a year to help out, because he is not home for several days and weeks sometimes. Im a full time student, so Im not home all the time neither, plus I work in the evenings when there is no daycare available. Im an easygoing person who actually can get along with almost anybody, still Im a little afraid to "bump heads" with his mom. I mean, shes so much older than me, and has her own set ways of seeing and doing things, and Im also afraid she might constantly compare me to his ex-wife (at least subconciously)...
2006-12-10 17:15:46 · update #1
Don't try to be the disciplinarian. That won't work. Be a friend & make time for them whenever possible. As time allows & as they get older, you may be the only mother they remember. I would treat them like your own kids minus the discipline stuff. Leave that up to their dad unless he would like you to take on that role. Otherwise, just watch out for their safety & love them & guide them.
2006-12-10 17:14:06 · answer #1 · answered by IMHO 6 · 5⤊ 0⤋
about 3 or 4
2016-05-23 04:20:01 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First you don't need to be their friend ...you need to be their mother figure...you need to show them love and consistency in everything you do with and for them including discipline....kids need rules and limits just be fair and consistent in applying them..I raised my three from the oldest being3 with a 2 yr old and the youngest only 10 months...I made it a habit to hug them at least 3 x's a day as well as telling them that I loved them the minimum 2 x's as well..also I made it a point to find at least one and where ever possible more times to praise them for an action or even attitude..my two that are around today turned out pretty darn good if I must say myself..I am very proud of my daughter raising my granddaughter as a single mom and working full time and maintaining a 4.0 GPA as she studies to become a Paralegal!
My son is a mid level supervisor in a department that he helped design and is the only supervisor at his level throughout his company without a 4 year degree..in fact he has yet to attend college.. He is EXTREMELY intelligent and an amazingly quick study..In every prior and the current position he began as a temp and within days was the most efficient and productive worker in his group in fact at nearly every place he taught his superiors faster, more efficient and better ways to do his and their jobs.
Yes I am a VERY PROUD FATHER
2006-12-10 17:34:03 · answer #3 · answered by chiefof nothing 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to bond while having fun. Don't let them get away with anything just because you want them to like you. You're young enough that this will work - you now will become the cool video game mom. You need to give them a reason to like you, since it seems to other woman in their life really didn't give them a reason at all. They will be excited to see their dad and live with him, and have been living with their grandma who was probably a great caregiver, but lacked that cool factor that really helps kids bond with adults. [think if I was a big sister to a little girl what would I do with her...]
Your job is to swoop in and make them happy to be there. Sure you will dicipline and there will be rocky moments. But honestly, with any kids you would be shocked at the adults that just don't get it. You're young so you have a break here - hang out with them and play video games. Get a Gamecube [makes games for younger kids] or something equally cool as a Christmas/house warming present. There are kids who won't like video games, but 99% of them do!!
You will be shocked too once you get a kid sitting down, calmed down and have some bonding video game time how much they will open up to you. It is an easy way to find a common thread with someone you don't know well......
2006-12-10 17:18:18 · answer #4 · answered by PinkPrincessNerd 3 · 3⤊ 2⤋
You shouldn't have to worry about "his mother" she is the kids grandmother. You shouldn't have to feel like you need to compete with her.
And you are so right, there is a big difference between watching and raising a child, so get ready for the journey of having someone elses kids live with you.
Now that you have accepted your boyfriends and his kids, you're also going to have to accept the way he deals with his own kids.
He might do things differently than you would, but don't let this affect your relationship with the kids' father.
Good luck!
2006-12-10 18:08:27 · answer #5 · answered by Tired of being Mr. Nice 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
In this situation you and their father need to sit down and discuss the discpline situation and you need to let them know that you are not going to give up on them or walk out on them. They know that thier dad and thier grandma are always going to be there. They need a female in thier life (other than grandma) that they can depend on. You are going to have to start by getting to know them and what they like. You also need to spend some quality time with the boys. Let them know that if they ever need anything they can come to you.
I am a single mom. My fiancee just moved in with my son and I. My son is almost 2 and he adores my fiancee. My son's father is still an active part of my son's life. He watches him as much as he can but whenever my son's father cant my fiancee watches him. He was really scared to become an instant father figure to my son, but now he tells me he loves it. If he ever has any questions he asks and we discuss. The main thing is going to be discussions with your boyfriend. Also you need to spend some one on one time with the grandma. Dont let her intimidate you remember that it is still your home and she is just visiting. Yes the visit will be a long one, but in the long run she is just a visitor to your home. If something is bothering make sure you discuss it with someone dont let it build up because it will eventually blow up and things can turn out really bad and the outcome from that is always something that you end up regretting that it happened.
I hope this was some help for you if you ever want to talk just email me.
2006-12-10 18:19:08 · answer #6 · answered by kort 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
His mum will be the ideal way to learn how to raise children learn from her when she is gone u can then set your own rules.Read books and go to classes to learn wat difficulties u can have with children
2006-12-10 19:06:47 · answer #7 · answered by wildpalomino 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋