my mother lives alone and doesn't do anything but sleep, eat and watch tv - she has put on weight and has let junk pile up in her house to the point where there is no floor space and it is dirty! Her garden is overgrown- like a jungle. Ablood test revealed she is borderline diabetic but she's in denial saying the blood test was wrong and so is not prepared to adjust her lifestyle. she retired last year from a job she used to hate and phoned in sick constantly - she has not kept in contact with anyone. she doesn't get on with her sister and has no other family apart from me and my sister. She won't listen to anyone and just seems to be losing it. It is obvious that she is depressed but won't go to a doctor or get treatment - what can i do to help her?
2006-12-10 16:57:52 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
It sounds to me like she is severely depressed. Care and compassion are the only things that will work, unless she becomes a danger to herself or others you have no leg to stand on. Shes you mother, she was there you when you were difficult, be there for her while she is being difficult.
2006-12-10 17:03:46 · answer #1 · answered by Recil D 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You should consider the possibility that she is alcoholic and hiding it well from you (please don't be insulted. I'm speaking the truth). If you are sure that is not the case, depression is likely. Approach her with love. She is not evil or ornery, she has an illness. Go over and clean her floor and straighten up her yard/house for her. Tell her simply what you see and you are concerned. Don't argue with her. For example:
"This place is a mess. What's the matter, are you depressed or something? Why don't you get some help?!" This will just provoke a defensive response.
"Mom, what I see here in the house and in you really concerns me. I love you and something doesn't seem right. I'd like to help, is there anything I can do?" etc.
Also, combine this kind of approach with simply asking
"Mom, how do you feel?" A depressed person is more likely as not to tell you: "I feel like crap all the time, no energy, I wish I was dead, what's the use of living? etc."
Hope this wasn't too blunt for you. I apologize if so.
Briant Burke, MD
www.cbrmed.org
drq100abcd@yahoo.com
2006-12-10 17:21:31 · answer #2 · answered by drq10 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are a couple of things that come to my mind. If she has had a blood test then she must be seeing a doctor that ordered the test. If you can get your mother to see the same doctor he/she could prescribe an antidepressant for her.
In order for her MD to know your mother's symptoms either you would have to talk to her MD before the appointment or go in to see the doctor with your mother. I would suggest the former, that way he/she would have time to formulate a plan of how to talk to your mom.
If that was successful, someone would have to follow through and make sure she took the medications.
The other thing is that your mothers surroundings are contributing to her depression. If you and your sister could come in and clean your Mom's house and throw out the clutter it would help. If you, or someone could take her out to do some things out of the house, it would help too.
I mention the above because the more you and your sister can do to help decrease your mother's depression may possibly lead to where she would accept doing on her own, the things she needs to do.
2006-12-10 17:57:36 · answer #3 · answered by Smartassawhip 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good luck... Older people are the hardest to get thru to b/c of the stigma that was placed on mental disorders. Depression is the worst b/c the sufferer usually will just say "I'm just tired and old," etc. Tell her that if she doesn't get off her butt and start taking care of herself that you'll start doing it for her. Show up at her house with a few garbage cans and clean up the junk piles. Empty her fridge and take her grocery shopping. Do her laundry for her. Force her to go to the mall, the park, the beach , etc. with you. Take her to a beauty salon for a manicure, pedicure and hair style. Remind her that she probably will live for at least 30 more years, and that you don't want to watch her turn into the crazy old lady who collects four tons of Reader's Digest magazines and dies sitting on the toilet. I had a friend at church who was going that direction after her husband died, and her daughter dragged her out of her house at least twice a week, and cleaned her garage out. Eventually she realized that her life wasn't over and that she didn't want to live like a lunatic.
Good luck!
2006-12-10 17:08:23 · answer #4 · answered by Angela M 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
My Mom did something a lot like this and finally she went to her medical doctor and he gave her an antidepressant and it helped but not completely.
Your Mom is profoundly depressed and if she does not get help, especially with the diabetes, she will not last long.
2006-12-10 17:02:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would live like that too (and have) if it weren't for my husband and my hobbies. It takes another person for me to get the motivation to clean up or go out or be productive. I have three suggestions, based on things that I know have helped me (but I am no psychiatrist, nor have I ever been to one!)...
1. Visit her daily. Get other family members to visit her, get neighbors to visit her, until you stumble upon someone she'd like to impress - someone she'll clean the place up for, someone she's willing to "prepare" for.
2. Get her a pet. A picky pet that will require clean spaces, clean air and daily care.
3. Get her a piano, or a paint set, or something she can be creative with. Enable her to make something beautiful, so beautiful that she wants to share it with other people.
Anyway...I think she just needs something to pour her heart into. You'll find it =)
2006-12-10 17:11:20 · answer #6 · answered by SecondStar 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋