i am a christian woman married to a muslim and would like to know what is the role of women in islam marriage?

Answer 1

Duties of Spouces:

Before replying your specific questions I would like to clarify one basic point which should always be kept in mind in such matters. One should clearly distinguish between the Islamic teachings and the general practice of the Muslims. Unfortunately we are living in an age where the majority of the Muslims are not aware of the noble teachings of Islam not do they practise these teachings in their day-to-day affairs of life. Instead they are mostly influenced by different cultures in which they have been living. Therefore, everything the Muslims practise on the ground cannot be attributed to Islam, and while evaluating the merits of Islam, one should not refer to the practice of the Muslims today, rather he should turn to the Islamic principles laid down in the Holy Quran and Sunnah. Obviously, if the Muslims have abandoned the guidance of Shariah, it cannot be taken in any way as a defect in the Shariah itself, rather, it is the fault of those who have deprived themselves of this guidance. Keeping this basic point in view, here are the answers to your questions :

(a) It is evident from a plain study of the relevant material found in the Holy Quran and Sunnah that Islam treats the relationship of marriage as a bilateral contract between Husband and Wife, each one of them having some rights and obligations. The Holy Quran is very much clear on this point when it says:

"And the woman have rights similar to their obligations" . (2:228)

It is clear from this verse of the Holy Quran that the obligations of a wife towards her husband are not less than the rights she enjoys. The Holy Quran has summarized the obligations of husband towards his wife in a short phrase where the Holy Quran has made it mandatory for a husband To keep her with fairness" (2:229)

At another place, the Holy Quran instructs the husbands in the following words:

"And live with them (wives) in fairness". (4:19)

Therefore, it is not correct that Islam has laid more emphasis on the obligations of a wife than on the obligations of a husband. Conversely, the Holy Prophet ( Sallaho Alaihai Wasallam ) has emphasized on the rights of women in a larger number of his sayings which are probably more than the sayings emphasizing the rights of a husband. Some examples are being quoted here: i) The Holy Prophet (Sallaho Alaihai Wasallam) has said:

"The best people from among you are those who are best to their wives". (Tirmidhi)


"No Muslim should hate his Muslim wife. If he dislikes some of her qualities, he may find some other qualities agreeable."

"Keep to my advice about woman that you should treat them fairly." (Tirmidhi)

These examples are sufficient to disclose the great concern the Holy Prophet ( Sallaho Alaihai Wasallam ) has shown for the rights of a woman, so much so that he dedicated a substantial portion of his Last sermon at the time of Haj-jatul Wida' to explain, elaborate and emphasise on the obligations of a man towards his wife. You have referred to the fact that women today are burdened with the house work like cooking meals, cleaning the house and raising children while their husbands seldom assist them in these matters. Here I would like to mention the correct Islamic standpoint with regard to the obligations of a woman about the household work.

First of all, it is not a legal obligation of a wife, according to Islamic teachings, to cook the meals on serve the house, and if a woman elects to refuse to undertake these works, a husband cannot compel her to do so. However, apart from the legal injunctions, Islam has laid down some moral instructions for both husband and wife according to which they are treated as life-companions who should not restrict themselves to the legal requirements alone, but should join hands to make mutual life as comfortable and peaceful as possible. They are invited to cooperate with each other in solving their day-to-day problems. For this purpose it is advisable that, as cooperating friends, they should devide the necessary works between them according to their mutual convenience. The woman should look after the management of the house while the man should be responsible for outdoor economic activities. This division of work was the practice of the Muslims in the very days of the Holy Prophet ( Sallaho Alaihai Wasallam ).

Even Sayyidah Fatimah, the beloved daughter of the Holy Prophet ( Sallaho Alaihai Wasallam ) used to perform all the household functions with her own hands, while Sayyidna Ali, her noble husband, carried out the economic activities. The Holy Prophet ( Sallaho Alaihai Wasallam ) never objected to it, rather, he encouraged her daughter to perform all these functions.

It is true that from a pure legal point of view, a wife may refuse to cook meals or to do other household works, but on the other hand, the husband may refuse to give her permission to meet her relatives. And if both of them are restricted to such a crude legal relationship, an atmosphere of mutual understanding and bilaterial cooperation cannot develop between them.

Therefore, a wife should not take the household work as a disgrace to her. In fact, her active contribution to her own house work is the basic source of strength for the family system of the society. It is a great servise, not only to her own family but also to the nation as a whole, because the betterment of the whole nation depends on a smooth family system. It is strenge that when an air hostess serves meals to hundreds of strangers in an aeroplane, it has been taken today as a symbol of liberalism, progress and emancipation, but when a housewife renders much lighter services to her own family, it is deemed to be a disgrace or sign of backwardness.

The western countries are facing today a terrible situation of family-break- down. Their leaders are mourning on this draw- back, which is caused by the lack of mutual cooperation between husband and wife and their failure to determine the functions of the spouses according to their natural, biological and religious requirements.

In short, a wife is not legally bound to render the household services, however, it is advisable that she performs these functions as a measured of cooperation with her family and an honorary service to the society as a whole, for which she deserves great reward in the Hereafter.

But at the same time, the husband should always remember that the household work undertaken by his wife is not a legal duty obliged on her, rather, it is a voluntary service she is rendering for the benefit of the family. Therefore, a husband must always appreciate this goodwill of his wife and should not treat it as a legal claim against her. Moreover, he should not leave all the household works on her exclusively. The husband should provide her with servants wherever possible, and should himself assist her in performing these functions. It is reported in a number of authentic ahadith that the Holy Prophet (S.A.W.) despite his great outdoor responsibilities, used to render many domestic services with his own hands, like milking his she-goats, washing his clothes etc. We do not find anywhere in his Sunnah that he ever ordered any of his wifves to do such works. However, his sacred wives used to render these services voluntarily without any specific com- mand from the Holy Prophet (S.A.W.).

It is not correct that the books written on this subject stress upon the obligations of a wife only. In fact all the books of Islamic jurisprudence discuss the rights and obligations of both the spouses simultaneously. The husband is required not only to provide maintenance, but he is also required to treat his wife "fairly" as the Holy Quran has put it in express terms, so much so that the Muslim jurists have observed that a husband cannot travel for more than four month at one time without the permission of his wife. But unfortunately many Muslims are not aware of the teachings of their religion and, due to this ignorance, they commit errors in their behaviour towards their wives.

Duties of Husband:

"How to make your wife happy".

1. Beautiful Reception

After returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has separated
you:
* begin with a good greeting.
* Start with Assalamau 'Aliaykum and a smile. Salam is a sunnah and a
du'aa for her as well.
* Shake her hand and leave bad news for later!

2. Sweet Speech and Enchanting Invitations

* Choose words that are positive and avoid negative ones.
* Give her your attention when you speak of she speaks.
* Speak with clarity and repeat words if necessary until she
understands.
* Call her with the nice names that she likes, e.g. my sweet-heart,
honey, saaliha, etc.

3. Friendliness and Recreation

* Spend time talking together.
* Spread to her goods news.
* Remember your good memories together.

4. Games and Distractions

* Joking around & having a sense of humor.
* Playing and competing with each other in sports or whatever.
* Taking her to watch permissible (halal) types of entertainment.
* Avoiding prohibited (haram) things in your choices of entertainment.

5. Assistance in the Household

* Doing what you as an individual can/like to do that helps out,
especially if she is sick or tired.
* The most important thing is making it obvious that he appreciates her
hard work.

6. Consultation (Shurah)

* Specifically in family matters.
* Giving her the feeling that her opinion is important to you.
* Studying her opinion carefully.
* Be willing to change an opinion for hers if it is better.
* Thanking her for helping him with her opinions.

7. Visiting Others

* Choosing well raised people to build relations with. There is a great
reward in visiting relatives and pious people. (Not in wasting time
while visiting!)
* Pay attention to ensure Islamic manners during visits.
* Not forcing her to visit whom she does not feel comfortable with.

8. Conduct During Travel

* Offer a warm farewell and good advice.
* Ask her to pray for him.
* Ask pious relatives and friends to take care of the family in your
absence.
* Give her enough money for what she might need.
* Try to stay in touch with her whether by phone, e-mail, letters, etc..
* Return as soon as possible.
* Bring her a gift!
* Avoid returning at an unexpected time or at night.
* Take her with you if possible.

9. Financial Support

* The husband needs to be generous within his financial capabilities.
He
should not be a miser with his money (nor wasteful).
* He gets rewards for all what he spends on her sustenance even for a
small piece of bread that he feeds her by his hand (hadeith).
* He is strongly encouraged to give to her before she asks him.

10. Smelling Good and Physical Beautification

* Following the Sunnah in removing hair from the groin and underarms.
* Always being clean and neat.
* Put on perfume for her.

11. Intercourse

* It is obligatory to do it habitually if you have no excuse (sickness,
etc.)
* Start with "Bismillah" and the authentic du'a.
* Enter into her in the proper place only (not the anus).
* Begin with foreplay including words of love.
* Continue until you have satisfied her desire.
* Relax and joke around afterwards.
* Avoid intercourse during the monthly period because it haram
* Do what you can to avoid damaging her level of Hiyaa (shyness and
modesty) such as taking your clothes together instead of asking her
to do it first while he is looking on.
* Avoid positions during intercourse that may harm her such as putting
pressure on her chest and blocking her breath, especially if you are
heavy.
* Choose suitable times for intercourse and be considerate as
sometimes she maybe sick or exhausted.

12. Guarding Privacy

* Avoid disclosing private information such as bedroom secrets, her
personal problems and other private matters.

13. Aiding in the Obedience to Allah

* Wake her up in the last third of the night to pray "Qiam-ul-Layl"
(extra prayer done at night with long sujood and ruku'ua).
* Teach her what you know of the Qur'an and its tafseer.
* Teach her "Dhikr" (ways to remember Allah by the example of the
prophet) in the morning and evening.
* Encourage her to spend money for the sake of Allah such as in a
charity
sale.
* Take her to Hajj and Umrah when you can afford to do so.

14. Showing Respect for her Family and Friends

* Take her to visit her family and relatives, especially her parents.
* Invite them to visit her and welcome them.
* Give them presents on special occasions.
* Help them when needed with money, effort, etc..
* Keep good relations with her family after her death if she dies first.
Also in this case the husband is encouraged to follow the sunnah
and keep giving what she used to give in her life to her friends and
family.

15. (Islamic) Training & Admonition

This includes
* The basics of Islam
* Her duties and rights
* Reading and writing
* Encouraging her to attend lessons and halaqahs
* Islamic rules (ahkam) related to women
* Buying Islamic books and tapes for the home library

16. Admirable Jealousy

* Ensure she is wearing proper hijab before leaving house.
* Restrict free mixing with non-mahram men.
* Avoiding excess jealousy. Examples of this are:
1- Analyzing every word and sentence she says and overloading
her speech by meanings that she did not mean
2- Preventing her from going out of the house when the reasons are
just.
3- Preventing her from answering the phone.


17. Patience and Mildness

* Problems are expected in every marriage so this is normal. What is
wrong is excessive responses and magnifying problems until a marital
breakdown.
* Anger should be shown when she exceeds the boundaries of Allah SWT, by
delaying prayers, backbiting, watching prohibited scenes on TV, etc..
* Forgive the mistakes she does to you (See item 18).
* How can you best correct her mistakes?
1- First, implicit and explicit advice several times.
2- Then by turning your back to her in bed (displaying your feelings).
Note that this does not include leaving the bedroom to another
room,
leaving the house to another place, or not talking with her.
3- The last solution is lightly hitting (when allowable) her. In this
case, the hsuband should consider the following:
- He should know that sunnah is to avoid beating as the Prophet
PBUH never beat a woman or a servant.
- He should do it only in extreme cases of disobedience, e.g.
refusing intercourse without cause frequently, constantly not
praying on time, leaving the house for long periods of time
without permission nor refusing to tell him where she had been,
etc..
- It should not be done except after having turned from her bed and
discussing the matter with her as mentioned in Qur'an .
- He should not hit her hard injuring her, or hit her on her face
or
on sensitive parts of her body.
- He should avoid shaming her such as by hitting her with a shoe,
etc.

18. Pardoning and Appropriate Censure

* Accounting her only for larger mistakes.
* Forgive mistakes done to him but account her for mistakes done in
Allah's rights, e.g. delaying prayers, etc..
* Remember all the good she does whenever she makes a mistake.
* Remember that all humans err so try to find excuses for her such as
maybe she is tired, sad, having her monthly cycle or that her
commitment to Islam is growing.
* Avoid attacking her for the bad cooking of the food as the Prophet
PBUH
never blamed any of his wives for this. If he likes the food, he eats
and if he doesn't then he does not eat and does not comment.
* Before declaring her to be in error, try other indirect approaches
that
are more subtle than direct accusations
* Escape from using insults and words that may hurt her feelings.
* When it becomes necessary to discuss a problem wait until you have
privacy from others.
* Waiting until the anger has subsided a bit can help to keep a control
on your words.

Answer 2

Assalamu alaikum my dear sister pam. You are the honey of your husband.Is it the reality in your life or is it just as your fiction or illusion?If it is in reality that your husband is a non muslim whose age is older 18 years older than your own age and now he has long illness you must keep be patient. You know that a muslim woman including the one who reverts, could not marry non muslim man. You are right but you must try without force to teach him how well about Islam. You must make supplication or du'a to Allah for changing his heart into Islam after you made tahajud shalat. You must take care him as easy as possible just like caring your own father although he is not a muslim.By giving care we hope he will think that Islam is very perfect and the only true religion. You can stay with him until his death but you should treat him not as a husband because in line with the Qur'an and hadith the muslim woman is for muslim man. You marriage is invalid in line with the Qur'an and hadith.In your case,mankind and humanism involve the important role. You must treat him well in his remaining life based on that basis.

Answer 3

If you are both raised in United States and educated too, then maybe your role will not be so much an issue specially if you both agree to stay married even with separate belief. However, I do not believe that your Muslim husband will be that open and I think you are the one who decided to embrace his faith.
Now for start, it also depends on which country your husband grew up and how committed is he on his faith. If you are embracing their faith, then maybe you have to start learning form your mother in-law or other friends you have that are married to Muslim too. Read a book about Islam and the woman of that faith. Some website are available about finding what you want to learn about being married intoa Muslim husband. Word of caution: Expect a complete change in your lifestyle.

Answer 4

honestly, you're practically a queen. No house work, no marketing, cooking, cleaning... It's all the mens job. You only need to attend to his needs. And if he doesn't want to do all those things, he needs to get you a maid. But that's what a TRUE Muslim would do.

Unfortunately, that's not the case today, as many are more into traditions than religion. So women, no matter the standard, are expected to do house work etc. But most Muslim women don't complain because its caring for your house and your husband and children is what's important.

So, if your husband follows the way the prophet treated his wives, you'll be fine, otherwise, since men are weak at being an heaven-sent-husband we women have to play the more respective role, treating them like the king.

Not to forget, you're allowed to work if he lets you. You hard earned is yours to keep, not for household expenses. I work and my money is placed aside for when i need it, my household requirements are taken care of as well as my choice of fancy clothing and accessories. He provides all financial needs for the house, children and ofcourse myself. I'm a happy wife for 4 years.

Basic rules are to respect his decision, ask for permission for anything and attend to his needs.

Answer 5

Your role is to be a wife, mother and do the basic housework and cooking. We women in Islam are treated like gold by our husbands. We do not have to work, we can get an education, and if we do decide to work our money is our's. It is the husbands responsiblity to take care of the financial issues. (house payment, bills, insurance, cars, food, and to provide you and your children with nice things) I do not work, I stay home and care for my family and home. I am treated wonderful by loving husband.

DIrtycircus- You obviously know nothing about Islam. You really shouldnt say things if youa re unsure. We highly revere and love Isa (Jesus, pbuh) He is the messiah and a great prophet of God. Why do christians have such a problem with the fact that we do not believe in the trinity, God tells us in the Quran that it is blasphemy. And we do not believe in the crucifiction and ressurection because God tells us in the Quran that he put somebody on the cross in Jesus' image, so they thought they killed him. In Islam we respect and love Jesus. So quit telling people blatant lies. Check your facts.

Answer 6

it would depend on your view of Islam.

If you are a Traditionalist:
-Return to Quran and Sunna but not outside the views of the first 3 generations
-Literalist / fundamentalist
-Islam is perfect and set (with roles for women and men)
-Acceptance for Islamic heritage (legacy) little criticism
-Scholars of the past views are sufficient
-Women are dependent on men and not their own agents (no public role)

Revivalist
-Islam is perfect but not set with flexibility
-Return to the Quran and Sunna but not always followed
-Inherited legacy is not Islamic but culture
-Women are dependent on men but have rights (treatment, employment, inheritance, control over own finances, and divorce)
-Do have a role in society but as mother

Modernist
-Islam is a dynamic process that is not set
-People are still reunderstanding the text
-Return to the text with a willingness to engage in more radical interpretations
-Key women interruptions (her voice more critical and rejected at times by classical schools of thought
-Culture is rejected as being un-Islamic
-Women and men are equal with distinct roles

Personally my husband and I are modernist. We believe we are equal. I am able to have all of the freedoms the Quran promised women. I am educated, with freedom to do as I want, we both take care of our children

to find more of a womans role in Islamic society you should read.

Qur'an and Woman by Amina Wadud

Answer 7

Wives have a lot of rights in Islam. I hope your husband fulfills his duties and you fulfill yours. May you have a happy and blessed marriage (Amen). Check this link for your answer:
http://www.as-sidq.org/women.html

Answer 8

Praise to be God, the creator of all mankind, and all that exists.

Firstly, you should maybe read Qu'ran I know you are not Muslim but that is ok.

[004:034].... Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to God and to their husbands), and guard in the husband's absence what God orders them to guard (e.g. their chastity and their husband's property). ... Surely, God is Ever Most High, Most Great.

Answer 9

did you even think about what you were doing hopfully he isnteligous for your sake from what i undersatand you can no longer believe in jesus and your pretty much now a slave thats the role depending on the type of man he is but how can you CALL YOUR SELF CRISTIAN IF YOU MARRIED INTO THE CULTURE that kills your kind you are no cristian jesus loves you but what a slap in his face you should probably be ashamed of your self have you even read his teachings hopefully your new husband isnt a cruel man for your sake for his radical sects in that religeon is very dominating and very un cristian like behavior remeber cristian is not a religeon its a belief in christ and his teachings let him be te judge of you not me

Answer 10

You probably ought to get this answer from your husband and his family. THEY set the rules, not common sense or what answers you might get in Q&A. Hope he's a good lay.

Answer 11

It isn't really all that consistent among all Muslims. Why not just ask your husband?