Boyfriend's 9 year old daughter is a brat! How to deal with this??

Question

We had her this past weekend... we get her every other weekend. I honestly cant stand her, she is lazy (she "needs" someone else to buckle her seatbelt, pour her soda, cut her meat, and help clean up HER messes) we took her to get boots yesterday, and all of a sudden, she starts getting bitchy and then shets crying like a baby, because supposedly her knee started hurting, and then she blamed her grouchyness on that. Shes spoiled, bratty, prissy, and can be just downright bully like. I Cant stand this kid, just as much as I cant stand the way she is raised!! Daddy feels bad about the divorce, and he always defends his parenting. He also thinks shes somehow perfect. etc etc... you get the picture?? And she plays on it 24/7. What can I do about this without disfiguring both of them?

Answer 1

Find another b/f, this will never change, in fact it will only get worse, she wants her dad back with her mom and your in the way, the only people who suffer in a divorce are the kids, sad but true.

Answer 2

I am a mother of 1 teen and an adult with twin 2 yr old grand daughters. I have also been a pre-school teacher with an associates in early childhood education. Not a lot, but from my experience and parenting; I think this child needs help and not ousted by you and family. It's unfortunate that her own mother cannot be there to keep her balanced. That only leaves the father and you. And with a new baby; it's going to be particularly taxing on you. I do think the father needs to initiate a plan to help his daughter that may include a therapist and all family members should be in agreement and committed to help. Otherwise this child will probably be lost and have a very difficult time fitting in and being accepted by the family. It will not be easy and at times feel like it takes more patience you believe you have to give. It also will not be easy for a good while. Good luck. Anytime you can help a child grow into a balanced and functioning part of society is a good thing.

Answer 3

End the relationship or stay away when he has his weekends with her. He only gets her every other weekend... so you think you could be a little more tolerant. It's not like you have to be around her 24/7. Maybe she's being bratty because she doesn't like YOU being there? Maybe she's not that crazy about you either. It's hard to say how she's feeling. She doesn't know if you're going to be in the picture next year... she's already been through her parents splitting up... maybe she doesn't want to get attached? Who knows? Maybe you should be the adult and let her be the bratty child... and let her Dad handle it... or stay away.

Answer 4

There's not alot you can do she is HIS daughter therefore, the parenting is up to him. And if he only sees her every other week end then he probably wants the time they have together to be as good as possible and doesn't want to get on to her because he doesn't see her very often and doesn't want to push her away. I hope that makes sense.
And like it or not, she could have been acting that way because she is jealous of you. You see her daddy more than she does. I always hated my dad's girlfriends because I felt like I was competeing for his time, we had the same situation I only saw him on weekends, But if you dislike her that much, on the weekends he has her go somewhere else. A hotel, spend the week end with friends. Or just leave during the day and come back at night. I know you shouldn't have to leave your own place. but it is only twice a month. Hope that helps.

Answer 5

I went through the same situation. If you really care about him, sit down and talk to him. Let him know it is not appropriate for his daughter to act like a baby at 9 years old, no matter what the excuse is. If she is having problems with the divorce, there are counselors she can talk to to help her deal with it. There are even divorce groups her and her father can go to. That might help her try to figure out what emotions she is feeling, and to get them out there, instead of acting the way she is. It will take a long time, as in years for things to calm down and her to get a better attitude.

Answer 6

You sound like the brat. She is trying to get some of Daddy's attention. Next time he has her for the weekend, let him have quality time with just her. You should stay home. Slowly start joining in on their activities. Do fun things with her. You are the one raining on her parade.

Think of it this way. She probably has to have someone else pour the soda because she spills and makes a mess. She has someone else cut her meat because sharp knives in little ones' hands are dangerous. I know my kids won't clean up their messes and they are NOT brats,it's their age.

You need to back off, or she is going to start hating you and making your life miserable. Remember, she is HIS daughter. She's got one up on you, you would lose.

Answer 7

You should end the relationship. You may not be able to stand this girl, but it is your boyfriend's daughter and he loves her. If you can't get along with her then you need to be out of the picture. If he has to choose between you and her, you will lose. Did it ever occur to you that this little girl has been stressed out because her family is broken and she gets shuffled back and forth between her parents. Plus, 9 year old girls tend to be moody. They are approaching puberty so their hormones are crazy, but they are still young and immature so they don't always know how to deal with their emotions. You need to stop being such a selfish b*tch ; I hope that your boyfriend dumps you.

Answer 8

Nothing short of regular ongoing family counseling will cause the kind of awareness you're looking for in order to see a change take place.
I'd run (and I have) if the guy doesn't want to deal with a family therapist.

Answer 9

Your not going to like my answer.

She sounds good compared to the normal children running around today. I answered a question where someone said a bunch of kids (like her age) were curseing around toddlers and babies, called the parents names, and tried to knock the toddlers and babies off of a Hay Ride thingy while it was moving.

Your just not use to Tweens or not expecting this behavior out of her age range. Right now she could be bringing you hell and misery since you are a threat to her and takeing her Daddy away. Instead she is letting you act like her mother which is the ultimate compliency. What more do you want out of her,... Money? Worship?

She is under alot of stress too,.. it doesn't matter how much you are under or think your under,.. she is still a child and is dealing with changes that could land her on a psych couch some day and give her things from this "scale" of disorders that includes Post Trumatic Stress Disorder and Multiple Personality Disorder (I really which I could remember the name for that range of illnesses,.. they are enviornmental... not something they are born with,.. they are some way their brain/mind developes to cope with the situation).

*would like you to take things out on her mother's boyfriend in reality right now,.. he is being mega baby*

She acts better then my mom's boyfriend. She is not going to want to talk to you about personal things like when she has to pee and if she has already started haveing periods (yes, girls can start at 6... most people think everyone starts at their age or older... thus the answers some times pop up " You can't be pregnant,.. I didn't start haveing periods until 16"),.. she may also be thirsty, tired, or constapated.

Since your not use to being around her (or children?) you don't know her limits... when she gets tired, when she gets dehydrated,.. how fast she can walk without becomeing fatigued. And she may not be use to you,.. she may be VERY uncomfortable around you... maybe a little upset that your assisting in keeping her parents apart. There is no telling what kinds of things she hears about you from other people,.. she may be trying to keep her distance incase your tempory or really a vampiric witch that sacrifices babies and kidnaps husbands (you have no clue what people say to and around children). So she is really takeing things well and TRYING to behave around you and accept you. The times she acts up sounds like times any child would break from being tired and not able to describe what's wrong.


So calm down and start thinking of things you will say and limits you will have. Contact her mother and ask her if she does these things for her daughter (Cuts meat,.. Pours Soda Pop,... etc). You might find out on top of things her Mother has HOUSE RULES,... whiel your in someone's home you HAVE TO have others do this for you so you don't make a mess. Tell her she has to clean up her own messes and play with one thing at a time.

If you had a naughty little girl they would have stealed your money bought some clothes, got some pierceings, took over your stereo and tv,.. raided your kitchen for sweets and took Soda Pop into their bed with their blankets and sheets decorated with cookies while curseing you out and saying you weren't their mom every minute you were in their presense.

Answer 10

you need to handle the situation differently then you do. That child is your boyfriends and of cource he is gonna stick up for her expecially if you don't like her im sure he sences it. You need to act like you love her in order to get your husband to pay attention to what you have to say. I don't mean act either learn to love her. Find a way. Maybe she doesn't like you as well and that is why she acts the way she does did you ever think of that???