My daugther is 11 years old and I have felt the last 2 years that she needs to know that her cousin(that I am very close to) is her half brother. I became pregnant in college and gave him up for adoption to my aunt/uncle. I adore him and many people in our community knows that he is my biological son. However, my husband has been putting this converstation off with our daughter for the last two years. My concern is that she will find out from someone else and I DO NOT WANT THAT. I want it to be explained from us. Plus, I desire to do it when my husband is ready but he keeps putting it off. He is a awesome dad to our daughter so I understand the difficulty he is having to explain this to her so it doesnt change our immediate family dynamics...Please help with any suggestions...
2006-12-10 15:27:28 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
keep it to ur self
2006-12-10 15:29:16 · answer #1 · answered by just hanging around 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I think honesty is the best policy; starting with your husband. Perhaps you could have the conversation with him again and explain what you've explained in this question. If he won't commit to a time and day, give him a timeline such as, "I want our daughter to know the truth before her 12th birthday." If he still won't commit, consider telling her yourself. After all, he's your son, not your husband's. Except for the fact that you share a daughter, this isn't his business.
I'm curious why he doesn't want to tell his daughter the truth. Is he afraid of something? You're right though, if you don't tell her soon, someone will tell her. Perhaps another child in a unkind way, like during an arguement. It's best you tell her....very soon.
Good luck.
2006-12-10 15:32:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi,
There’s two issues here. 1. Does your nephew(SON) know you are his mother? 2. Telling your daughter’s cousin is your son.
If your Son doesn’t know you are his son, be VERY PREPARED for a bad reaction when he is told. He will have major “rejection” issues.
#2.. Have you had the sex “talk” with your daughter? If you have, and she has an understanding of that, then she should be able to handle learning your nephew is actually your son. If not,, wait until she is an age to understand the “sex talk” then she will understand the implications of her cousin being her brother. [the sex issue will come up during the conversation whether you think it will or not. Kids ask the darnest questions??]
Somewhere around 12 girls (depending on maturity) are able (or do) understand allot more than they’re given credit for. She needs to be mentally able to process the information.
Dad is trying to be overprotective of his daughter,, and himself too. The are several people involved in this, and the youngest one also needs to be able to “process” the information.
2006-12-10 16:34:50 · answer #3 · answered by logicalanswer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well...this is a dilemna...but I think that you should tell her. It would be different if not everyone knew about it, but I absolutely agree that your daughter should hear it from you. You do not want to find yourself in the situation of somebody else telling her, and your daughter being hurt and confused.
Also, while your husband's intentions seem good, it sounds as though he himself is not "ready"...and that he isn't trying to protect your daughter, but himself.
Normally, I would suggest that you should tell her based on her maturity level, etc., but because many people in your community are aware, keeping it a secret, and her potentially finding out, would possibly cause harm, and would only result in accusations and lies.
I wish you and your family best of luck! :)
2006-12-10 15:42:46 · answer #4 · answered by Steel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should have never kept the truth from either of them to begin with. Your child may never trust you to tell them the truth about anything again.
Yes tell them both that they are brother and sister and not cousins.and that you keeping the truth from them was a very bad mistake.
I find that total honesty with my children about every thing no matter what.
My Kids Trust Me
Good Luck
2006-12-10 15:37:07 · answer #5 · answered by stormyjoem 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
properly the infant is the outcomes of lies. Lies to you from his mom. Lies from you on your spouse. i'm unlikely to choose you, you have plenty on your existence that are greater entitled which contains your babies. Its not basically the infant you could clarify. Its which you probably did some thing so egocentric and unsafe on your daughter and your spouse. You risked, and could possibility, the lack of ability of your loved ones on the fee of your daughters innocence. that's the wear and tear you will could admit to and spend something of your existence attempting to salvage. in case you incredibly comprehend what you probably did, and are guy sufficient to very own it, then you incredibly could start up making amends by using being honest. meaning you tell your daughter the reality. You tell her what you probably did and tell her the result. do not make the errors of attempting to justify your habit, there is purely no justification and in case you think of there is, you're doomed to dropping your loved ones. moms and dads are human, and the main important mistake a discern makes is offering themselves as some thing above all of it. What you probably did is going to effect how your daughter perspectives relationships between adult males and ladies folk for something of her existence. i'm unable to rigidity the magnitude of you information that. you will could admit to having failed her and her mom. you will could admit which you're egocentric and improper. you do not could pass into the main factors you probably did right here, inspite of each thing, whether or not the lady became into utilising start administration isn't the element. the element is which you had no business enterprise having intercourse together with her. Its not her fault a infant resulted, its yours. that's what you do not seem to comprehend right here. Your daughter is going to choose counseling, be sure you're looking after that. she would be in a position to be harm and offended and hate you for a on the same time as. there is not any reason for her to forgive you, yet over the years possibly she would be in a position to. Her view of you will consistently be considered one of unhappiness and mistrust. that's the fee of your lies. on the same time as your son could choose a father, he will possibly not choose you as a father. someplace in all this, think approximately to end thinking approximately your self and start up putting the terrific pastime of your daughter and your son first.
2016-10-18 02:23:57 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
explain it carefully tell her what had happend and that it will change nothing but you just have to ease into it explain to her that her cousin is her half brother and she will ask why you did what you did and just as calmly as you can explain what happend that it was for the best i hope i helped some ^.^
2006-12-10 15:36:23 · answer #7 · answered by korakikio 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait until she is older, and make sure that your aunt & uncle have told him the truth.
He might not know and you would be hurting him alot.
2006-12-10 15:30:31 · answer #8 · answered by Pantherempress 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋