why does it hurt so bad?

Question

I kno this guy...Im in love with him actually..and hes just a friend but i want him to be so much more..He's "in love with" another girl and he talks about her and it kills me...Im afraid to tell him how I feel because I dont want to ruin our friendship.. what do I do?

Answer 1

I was in a very similar situation a few months ago. I guess the difference was that my guy was a coworker instead of a friend. In any case though, if you have feelings for this guy, gather your courage and find the strength to let him know. The sooner the better! I spent months and months being crazy about my crush, imagining us together, and getting jealous every time I overheard him mention his girlfriend. All the while, every time he did something that could've been taken as just plain old "being nice", I'd take it as flirting and made myself believe that he MUST be interested in me too. I got tired of not knowing for sure how he felt because it was driving me nuts! So I finally decided to put it all out there and let his response be the beginning of something new between us, or the end of a torturous, long, drawn out ordeal. I had flowers sent to our place of employment on a day we both were there (so he had to respond ASAP; I was sooooo tired of waiting, and wondering at this point!). In the little card I explained how I felt about him, put a few hints in there to where he would know exactly who it was from, and then signed it as his "not so secret admirer". Then...that day, I had my response/ answer to all my wondering. To make a long stoyr short he came to talk to me when he could and politely and shyly let me know that he couldn't "do that" to his girl. Yeah...it hurt. But at the same time there was tremendous relief because I could stop daydreaming about someone that I KNEW I couldn't have! So like I said...the sooner you let it out...the sooner you'll get a response...the sooner you'll either stop waisting time, OR start making progress. Good luck!

Answer 2

It is tough to show your love for a friend while trying not to ruin the friendship at the same time. Sometimes, a person just needs to take a chance. It something goes wrong, then it is best to give it a little bit of time for the wierdness to settle. When it has calmed down (give it a few says) try and fix it by casually talking to your friend like you normally would. I understand that it would hurt but at least your feelings are out in the open so he can approach that whenever he needs to. Hope that helped.

Answer 3

This isnt a good feeling and I know. I have been thru the same tingy before... If you really want to surface out your feelings pls do so, as what you are going thru is silent torture. Decide what you want from him. Friendship or Love? If it is friendship, keep quiet about the whole thing, listen to him and be a friend. If u want to move ahead with love, do so bravely, tell him what u sincerely feel and leave the rest in his hands. Guys can be pretty dumb at times... They just wont see the obvious in some issues. lol! good luck!

Answer 4

Talk to him. Way back when I was in high school I knew this girl who was my best friend. We got along so good! We knew each other inside and out and I was in love with her, but didn't know if she felt the same way and I was afraid to talk to her because I didn't want to lose our friendship. 20 some years later we live in different states and spoke only a few times over the years. Both of us are married, kids and I still think what if I spoke up and talked to her and told her how I felt...

It's scary... but talk to him. Don't wait 20 years and think what if...

Answer 5

you always want what you cant have. it hurts. you cant be in love if you never had him your growing fond. I know it bothers me too when a guy talks about how this chik is all that it makes me sick. I think it is better to be there when he is done with her and to pick up the pieces and be a true friend. Ride it out. Meanwhile, you two can do things. he wears no engagement or steady ring or chain? be there have fun don't kiss or woo over him be cool be his pal his homey if ya have to be, be one of the guys, and he will know he can trust you and you will really learn if you love him. give it that chance.

Answer 6

Instead of tormenting yourself just tell him. Guys are alway in love with someone even if they cant have them. And guys, unless the are gay, arent just friends with a female without a reason, I will bet, unless you are strange looking or very butch that he probly has the same feelings for you but doesnt think that he stands a chance. There is only one way to find out, go for it.

Answer 7

These kind of relationships are the hardest! In fact they make movies about these situations. I'm afraid there isn't much you can do about this. Do you value his friendship cause you know it's one way to be with him even if you can't have him? Is it worth the pain? You can wait around and see if it works out with her and be there if it doesn't.

Answer 8

Telling him wont ruin your friendship. You might feel awakward for a bit, but that's about it. It is alot easier to move on from something like this when you know that the feeling truly isn't mutral

Answer 9

Same here, I ended up telling the guy.. He wanted me to prove to him that I love him by stripping PFFT. because apparently when you love someone you would do ANYTHING for them. He ended up ******* my 2 bestfriends..

But I still am in love with him, hes a ******** but he makes me feel special..

Depends what means the most to you, his friendship or a relationship. You need to make some big decisions.

Good Luck!!

Answer 10

the funny thing about the heart is that u cant tell it who to love or not to love. I certainly have had my issues just like yours. I would definitely let him know something maybe in a jokingly manner like..... Well, if she doesnt want to be with you then maybe you should be with me??? I tried that once and I was with him for over a year... We just went our separate ways. I think we stayed together because no one knew us better than ourselves. I wish you luck but unfortunately, you cant stop him from loving her. the best thing to do is let him love her. If it doesnt work then make your move..... It could be that u need to be patient....