sibling rivalry?

Question

I have 2 girls who get along great. 5 and 8 yrs old. There is a neighbor girl-7 who comes over a lot and when the 3 are together the neighbor and my youngest seem to not play with the older one-my younger will do whatever to please the neighbor, and my older wants things her way. They tattle, argue etc- my 2 - and the oldest seems to go off on her own but is upset. What can be done to solve this. We have talked to them and said to play together, and tried to resolve whatever the problem is, but as days go on, it seems to get worse. My older will say she doesn't want to have neighbor as a friend, when I know it isn't true. We need help. Any suggestions???

Answer 1

It sounds like she's jealous. I don't know what you could do other than be there for her when this happens again. You don't want to put off your other daughter just because this is happening to one of them... and the other two seem to get along alright without too many problems.

Answer 2

Well, the tattling needs to stop, they are old enough to work the little things out. Tell them you do not need to hear every little thing just come to you when someone is in danger. Secondly, it seems the older one is wanting everything her way and gets upset when everyone does not agree, she needs to learn to take turns and share-- and if she does not want to then she can just stay in her room while the neighbor is visiting. There does not really seem to be any problem with the younger one, she sounds pretty sweet and respectful to visitors. However, if the neighbor is trying to be the boss of everything, then she can be sent home and tell her she will not be allowed to visit if she cannot share and take turns. Try to find some activities where it takes three to play, at least they will have the time to get to know each other. But the little stuff mom, tell them to work it out, as long as they are not in danger or into something that could hurt them they are old enough to work out the small stuff.

Answer 3

You need to find another friend for your older daughter or have the neighbor come over to play at times when only one of your daughters is home. Three is a crowd. Anytime you have an odd number of kids, one will be left out. This is especially true with girls. The neighbor probably likes playing with your younger daughter more, because she gets to be the oldest and the "boss" and your daughter looks up to her whereas if she's with your older daughter then she's the younger and she probably likes being the "boss" in the relationship.

Answer 4

Part of me wants to say let them work it out, But the mother side of me feels for your Older daughter. It is never fun to be left out. I don't think I have a good answer for you. You could tell them if they can't all play together then the neighbor will have to go home. That is what my mom always said. I'm sorry I couldn't be more help.

Answer 5

One thing I've noticed with my own kids is that any number of boys can play together just fine, but with girls, two is great but three is nothing but trouble. They compete, they fight, feelings get hurt, etc. There's really no way to fix it, it just seems to be a girl thing. Some days they may play together fine, and others will end up with one or more being angry and/or hurt. Time and age help somewhat, but otherwise, there's really not much you can do.

Answer 6

Oh boy, have I been through this one! First with my own children, and now with my grandchildren, who stay with me part of the time.

Not much you can do about this one. You've already done all the encouraging and talking to, and all that. Beyond that, you can't help. The kids will have to work this one out on their own.

You can interfere, and get into their problems, and while you're still twisted up about it, they're off in a whole new direction. They will solve it for themselves.

Answer 7

Its very normal when you have 3 kids together, Just tell them( 7 yr old ) can't come over and play if you can't all play nice together and stick to it.