I cannot get a bf. What's wrong with me?

Question

I'm 31 years old but I'm said to loook 3 or 4 years younger. I'm said to be beautiful and eye-catching. I'm clever and very highly educated. I'm also quite a loving, caring and kind person. I'm not incredibly sociable so I am not the kind of popular person who make friends with everybody, but I've a few great close friends, and a great relationship with my siblings so I'm very capable of making friends and keeping them. I'm also very proactive and never doubt to make the first move when I like a man.

I don't have a bf and this makes me very unhappy. And I don't understand why I seem to be unable to get one. I see all my friends with bf's and this makes me think that there MUST be something wrong with me, being the only one unable to get one.

Part of the problem might be that I'm never interested in the guys who like me, but in the ones who "just don't want to get involved with anyone" - even when they say they like me. Is there a pattern there?

What's wrong with me?

Answer 1

Nothing is wrong with you. Be patient

Answer 2

You've only got two options.
1) Be more patient and wait for the right person (easier said than done)
2) lower your standards a bit.
Oh and there's nothing "wrong" with you. It's not you that's the problem, you've just not met the right person. Some people are lucky and meet them quickly for others it takes time. DO NOT campare your relationships to those of your friends. That's pointless. You may meet someone next week and end up married to them till you're in your 70's. On the other hand all your mates might end upo divorced and simgle again in their 40's or 50's, making you the one with the longest relationship.
Don't panic, you'll find someone eventually, maybe you should get out more though. Volunteer for a charity or something like that. The "type" of person you'll meet there is completely different to the type you'll meet in the pub.

Answer 3

Absolutely nothing is wrong with you, sweetheart. You sound marvelous, and I'd love to take you out if i had money. It certainly could be that you are too picky or you go after all the wrong guys, but I really doubt it. I believe that relationship-squashing, self-defeating behavior happens well beyond the initiation round. It's pretty much human nature to want the person that's not interested in us. If it weren't that way, then people would be making connections all the time, so the so-called notions of 'love at first sight' or 'chemistry' would be so commonplace we wouldn't give them particular names, we'd just call them 'yep.'

No I think the situation is you are going through a rough patch. Sometimes you just gotta deal with eating a poop sandwich, which is what life is serving you right now.

I'm in a similar situation, but I'm not after a GF but a job. Get the job. Get the girl. See, I can't afford a GF and I don't want my first dates to be ones in which the girls pay everything. It's not a sexist thing, just a self-reliance thing. Most girls I know feel the same way and want to pay half these days. Anyway...

I have a very strong background for the jobs to which I apply, and I've had a few phone interviews that don't materialize into further in person interviews. I asked the right questions that recruiters and interview/job sites tell you to ask, I answer questions the way they suggest. I am friendly and cheerful and demonstrate a desire to work for the hiring manager's company. Still no dice. No job for months. I am looking now at different cities since I will have to move.

For most of this time, I thought the problem was me. That I was unemployable. Now I have realized that sometimes life just sucks. The job market sucks. I'm in a sucky place and don't know anyone through which i can network. And it will get better.

This rough patch is life's way of challenging your patience, confidence and ability to 'get through it'. It is teaching you wisdom by giving you the opportunity to see the illusion that you have some defect, if it does not destroy you first. That illusion is something you yourself create and you have to find what it is that will dispel that illusion and make you happy despite your current situation.

Further, it teaches you that patience means having faith in knowing that the situation WILL change for the better and it will be worth it when it does change (think of a delayed gratification). Don't let this slump destroy you. Instead, own it, incorporate it and then make it generate a personal revenue stream that you define and understand. This is vague and of course easier said than done. For example: one thing I've done is make a process whereby I force myself to say 5 positive things about anything whenever I think a negative thought. I dont' punish myself for negative thoughts, i let them slide away and dissapate, then i reward myself with 5 positive things. I don't let myself do anything else until I get my 5 things. This technique is helping me. Ex 2: I step outside myself and self-consciously see myself interacting with others and evaluate my communication and performance in that scenario, analyzing what went well and what went wrong if anything and I strive to improve that, as if it were all simply a business process needing optimization. This makes it so I don't take things so personally, rather I 'manage' these feelings and try to improve the performance of those I manage (which is my own communication). Is this retarded? Maybe. but it's effective. these are difficult skills that are worth having because they make you stronger. so next time you see a slump you pop out of it right away.

Answer 4

Although I am quite a few years younger than you (I'm 16 years old), I go to a very good private school, am a very nice and caring person, and I have been told that I am pretty.

You might think I'm crazy because you're nearly twice my age, and you're probably thinking "Another stupid teenager". But I've found that when you LEAST expect it, love finds you.

For instance, this boy asked me to study with him today so I invited him over and we ended up making out. I used to like him a while ago and may like him some more in the future. This was my second kiss ever since I was 13, and it was very unexpected.

It's basically be in the right place at the right time. Go out with your friends to fun places, and I'm sure you'll find someone there.

Good luck, and I hope all works out for you :-)

Answer 5

You have already answered your own question. The men that are interested in you, you have no interest in. But the ones you can't have you want. Which means subconsciously, you really don't want a relationship. The way the dating scene works is like this; If men always see you out, and you are always alone? Then there is something wrong with you. The way to get dates, is to go out on some...just because you're not attracted, let them take you out anyway, pay dutch if you must, so that way you won't feel any obligation. Be honest and tactful meaning respectful to that persons feelings.Tell the guy you are just interested in have a friendship right now. I say all of these things to say this; you must be seen on the arm of a man, before you can get a man on yours.

Answer 6

Maybe you're too picky when it comes to guys. Maybe you're not meeting the right guys. You say you aren't very sociable. So you know what that means. Friday and Saturday nights, hit the clubs! Go party and meet new people. Go with your friends and the next thing you know you'll see someone. You also have to learn to stop being picky when it comes to guys. This pattern of yours could mean that you're not being fun and flirty enough. Try to be more open and friendly not only with guys but with random people. Use it as practice, but still be yourself. Maybe you're attracted to the wrong type of guys. Join one of those on-line dating things and have some fun. If you want a boyfriend you're gonna have to be more social. Other than that, there is nothing wrong with you. Maybe just the guys around you! lol.

Answer 7

Why do you want to get involved with someone that wants to get involved with anyone? Did or do you have a father figure who cheated on your mother or treats your mother bad?
Maybe you should look at your past relationships and write down what was good about them and what was bad about them, and then write down why it didn't last.
If you come up with the same pattern of answers, then you may have your answer to your problem. If, for example, you come up with the answer that you broke up with him because he always wanted to go out and party, then you are looking in the wrong places. Try going to a convention of the type of people that you work with or that are in the same field as you (Human Relations Seminars, Manager seminars, and so forth).
Ask your sisters or brothers what they think of you. Tell them to type it up on blank paper and put it in a general area with everybody elses so there are no hurt feelings about what somebody says about you.
You have to stick with not getting revenge on your siblings if they tell you that you are too controling or too needy. Take it as constructive information and work on what everybody says. IF you are still concerned, take the un-opened letters to a shrink and let him or her open the letters and then tell you what is wrong.
Good luck and listen to your friends and family without revenge.

Answer 8

I know that saying just take your time you will find the right guy but you might be always blowing the right guy off
give the ones that are not so cute to you a chance sometimes
they might be the one ...my husband is 46 i am 34 he was nothin like I would normally date but once i did and stop being so shallow and closed minded he is the best thing that ever happened to me and now we have 2 kids together good luck

Answer 9

There's absolutely nothing wrong with you darling - you're just extremely picky with whom you perceive as the perfect guy (or gal). Unfortunately if you're like me (The male counterpart), I literally clam up when I see a nice-looking woman and I create all sorts of excuses, not to get close or get interested. I haven't got to the desperate stage yet but when my long term, 'rich' options run out, I might have to do the sensible thing and search on those dating sights.

Answer 10

The question is are you looking in the right place for guys. I am a 35 male never married and ask myself the same question. So I have decide to go back to my faith to find if it me or I am just looking in the wrong places. have you thought of that may be God has not sent the right man yet for you.

Answer 11

Alot of guys may feel intimidated, just relax & go with the flow.Mr right will come along,till then enjoy being single.
Just for the record,if you don't find him,give me a call,you sound cute x