How do I explain to her that she needs to be Herself?

Question

I have 4 beautiful children, and each one of them have their own ways to make them the unique person that they are. But my oldest daughter is 6yrs old and she mimics anyone of her sibilings when she thinks they are getting any kind of attention: like if her sis is singing and I comment on good she sounds thats when she will start singing over her until she gets a compliment. Also she has to try and to get approval/praise for everything she does! And she always have to be right and if she not or she will go into her little shell & cry to herself, like she have did something wrong or let the world down. I know she is going to be a perfectionist, but how do i let her know that she need to be herself according to her age.

Answer 1

Tell her that people who imitate or mimic others only come in behind them. If she wants to get anywhere in life then she needs to find what she is best at and do that. Find that talent and try to encourage and develop it.

Find out what she can do well and praise her for that. When she mimics one of your other children then tell her that it's nice, but it isn't as good as the original. Praise her when she does well and scold her when she mimics others.

Tell her that you love each of your children in different ways. While you love all of them equally you don't love the way your 6 year old sings, you love the way her sister sings. Then tell her that she needs to find what she is good at.

When she crawls into her shell then let her suffer a little before you go to her. Children test their parents to see what the boundaries are and what they can get away with. Have you seen a child crying in the supermarket saying that they have to have something, usually candy? They will cry and hold a temper tantrum until they get what they want. They have trained their parents to respond in this way, so it only reinforces the behavior. If you ignore them (I know it is hard to do) then they will learn that this behavior doesn't work. You can scold or punish them, or just laugh at them. "Wow, don't you look like a little circus act. When you are finished making the people laugh at you then you can come back here and join me." Then pretend to ignore them. This behavior was suggested by Doctor Wayne Dyer.

Humans are much more intelligent than dogs, but not until they grow up. At the age that your daughters are at they are very similar to genius dogs; but still dogs. When a dog performs a behavior then they get reward, no reward, or punishment. If you have a dog that constantly barks at strangers then when is senses the stranger leaves it feels it is has done its job well, so it will continue to do this. Just punishing the dog for this behavior isn’t enough. You have to overcome the dogs anxiety and teach them that strangers aren’t bad. You need to change the behavior to an acceptable one. You need to do the same with your children. By rewarding them when they show behavior you want and not encouraging them when they show behavior that you don’t like.

At some point all parents have played the “fetch game” with baby. Baby gets a toy, and the parent is busy, so they throw away the toy. The parent, thinking the child only dropped the toy, gets it and returns the toy to the baby, and pays attention to the child. After the parent goes back to what they were doing the baby throws down the toy again, and the cycle repeats. Before long the baby is laughing and giggling and the parent is getting tired of bending over. One idea is to tie the toy to the baby or their chair so they can recover the toy, but it rarely works. The baby has a mental and physical need for attention from adults so they learn behaviors that encourage this.

Answer 2

Do you spend time with her, without the other children? I think she probably just feels like there is no time for just her, it is always her other siblings. Lets face it, the younger ones get more attention because that is what is required. She is jealous. Take her out for a mommy daughter night once and a while. Or when it's time to get groceries, just take her, leave the others with daddy or Grandma. Eventually you will have to do the same with all of them once and while, but it will help your oldest to feel special in your eyes. Good luck!

Answer 3

She's competing for your attention. Try including her in caring for the younger ones. Ask for her help in giving the baby a bath, for example. She'll feel better, especially if you let her know how invaluable her help was.

Answer 4

she'll outgrow it but maybe you should have a talk with her

Answer 5

just tell her that she is special and hopefully she'll outgrow it

Answer 6

a good toe up the hole will do the job

Answer 7

She will outgrow it.