I cant stop crieing.?

Question

its been a few years.with this crying. I stayed with mother for nine months till the cancer killed her. and every day I still get tears. lot of tears in my eyes. it was a very bad time.when the cancer went to her brain it was terrible. she was in a lot of pain. and I allways felt her pain.I cant sleep well.I dont know what to do. I stay depressed. take paxil.cut wrists twice deep.never talk about my problems.with people.I went to a mental hospital after someone found me at my home. about bleed to death. so they called the law.but those people were strange uncareing weirdos who ran that place.put me in the crazy part of there hospital. just because a nurse caught me crying in my room.so I cant go back to a mental place. take medicin but it dosent work. and wont to kill myself.what to do. doctor wont change my medicin.

Answer 1

Hey, get out and meet friends. You sound like you need some counseling with your mom. If you do not like the counselor that you have then either switch to another or find a support group that is for people who are grieving a loved one. Things should start to get better but you must NOT hurt yourself. That is something inside you trying to punish yourself. You did everything you could to care for your mom and I am sure you did a great job. If you are blaming yourself you need to stop this right now. Cancer is not your fault and taking care of your mom was a hard job for even professionals to have to do. You get out to the library, the gym, to the town games held by the school, church. Anywhere where you can find friends. Another thing is remember there is someone upstairs who loves you very much. I bet your mom is in heaven laughing and she would want the best happiness for you so get going and start to do the things that you used to do for fun. Good luck and I am going to leave you some info to go look at.
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/healthinformation/depressionmenu.cfm

Support Groups:
http://dmoz.org/Health/Mental_Health/Disorders/Mood/Depression/Support_Groups/
http://www.medbroadcast.com/channel_support_groups_cities.asp?channel_id=1053&relation_id=7767
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/support-groups/MH00044
http://depression.about.com/mpboards.htm
http://www.healthcentral.com/depression/support-groups.html

Grief Support Groups:
http://www.griefwatch.com/support_groups.htm
http://www.griefnet.org/
http://www.altabates.com/health/cpsg_grief.html
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/grief_support/

If you are suicidal or just need to talk to someone call these numbers:
USA National Suicide Hotlines

Toll-Free / 24 hours / 7 days a week
1-800-SUICIDE
1-800-784-2433

1-800-273-TALK
1-800-273-8255
http://suicidehotlines.com/national.html

Answer 2

I am sorry for your loss, and the pain you are going through still. I think you need to see a psychiatrist, and tell him what you feel and let him help you. Psychiatrists are nice. Your doctor seems to be a bit of an axsjole, how can he help a patient, if patient says medication doesn't work and he won't change it, being stubborn not very good for being a doctor in this case. I think you should get a new family doctor as well.

The psychiatrist can try different medications on you and the two of you can figure out which antidepressant is the best for you. But pills alone cannot heal you, you need to discuss this with the psychiatrist, and they use something called "psychotherapy" it is a way of talking to you, I go for it myself and once I tell my psychiatrist what is bothering me, it goes away, maybe because he is an objective listener, non-judgemental, feels your pain or anger, and uses psychotherapy. But for the life of me I don't know what psychotherapy is, eventhough it has been used on me and it works. I am in Canada, and here the psychiatrist is covered by OHIP, in Ontario, where as if you are with a psychologist, that isn't covered by OHIP, they can only talk to you and do psychotherapy, but they cannot prescribe any medication since they are not medical doctors. I don't know where in the world you live, but trust me, going to a psychiatrist is worth every penny if you have to pay for it even. Maybe someone can lend you money for this purpose, or maybe you have this coverage at work, I have no idea, since I don't know where you live. I am just telling you from my own experience. All the best to you.

Answer 3

I can see that you know what your problem is and you also know you need help. You just need to find some help that you are comfortable with. Try going to a different doctor. Write down your symptoms. Check into facilities around you so you might have a choice because they are not all bad. You also may not necessarily have to be hospitalized if you get the right doctor and keep appointments and work with the person to get on the right combination of medicines and therapy. You do need to get help as soon as you can. You need help over these devastating hurdles in your life and help is there. Take care.

Answer 4

If your medication is not working, and you are so seriously depressed that you want to kill yourself, you need to find a new doctor.

If you are taking the paxil correctly, and have been on it for more than 3 weeks or so.... and it is not working.... find a new doctor, tell him your situation.

If you are reading this right now, and you feel that you are going to kill yourself right now, re-think that. Call somebody and get help. You dont have to go back to that same hospital but you do need to get yourself help. Suicide is a perminate solution to a temporary problem. Dont do it.

I also have had many deaths in my family. father died of heroin OD and my grandfather, who played the role of my father throughout my whole life (because my father was never around) died of cancer when i was 13. I too cry. I cry almost every night. It is a natural thing.

Death is devistating. Maybe it would help if you shared your story with people. Perhaps you can find a support group in your area.

Whatever you do, you need to get yourself help. Some kind of help.

Answer 5

aww, babe. You went through a traumatic event. You have a right to be upset about it. Not talking about it, though, is definately NOT helping things.

When I miscarried my baby, halfway through my pregnancy, my husband was out of town and I was at work on a very busy day. Everytime I would close my eyes, I would see the event all over again. I cried for months every second of the day... I was put on Zoloft. I was hormonal, full of grief, and suffering. I understand how you feel. Not to mention, I work with the elderly and deal with death constantly. Anyhow, I know that talking about it... no matter how much I cried when I said it, helps. It's been 4 years, and it's easier to talk about it... it's still sad, but I understand now. I was able to grieve last year. I guess I didn't feel that I was allowed to.

It sounds like you don't have any self-esteem, either. Maybe because you won' t talk about it, these thoughts are haunting you and the only way you feel you can express your pain is through cutting or hurting yourself. A journal is a good way. If you're artistic or have ever wanted to be... this is your chance. drawing, painting, poetry, music. Get it out!

Usually, when you take an anti-depressant, they also suggest counseling at the same time. At least it's someone to talk to. Switch doctors. It's your money and your body they are messing with. Don't give him free reign.

At that time, all of my friends left me, so the only one I had to depend on... besides my husband who didn't understand my pain, was God. He always listened when I cried. He loves you and he always will. Yes, I have been blessed with a baby boy who is now 3. No, it doesn't take the place of my baby girl I lost. But I know I'll see her again if I try my best here. No matter how much Satan tries to get me to take my own life... I'm a fighter. But there's no way I could stand on my own. "If you kneel before God, you can stand before anyone" and he will and has never left you alone. He's waiting for you.

Answer 6

Wow. Bless you and your bravery to say such things. I've been hospitalized... 6 or 7 times. I agree that psych hospitalization doesn't do sh*t but keep you safe from yourself in the moment. That counts for something though. I fought my problems for 12 years before I made any progress. You need professional help, but more than that, you need to be truly ready to beat this thing. I wanted it to go away for 12 years, but I don't think I was brave enough to live without it until the end. You get very... accustomed to your own lack of sanity. As backwards as it sounds, you cling to its familiarity. Medication, while helpful, is only a part of the equation. For that, do your research, get a new doctor if need be. For the rest of it? Are you strong enough to let go of your depression yet? It's hard, yes, but totally worth the effort. Try to find yourself a shrink who you click with. Good luck.

Answer 7

When my Mom died, a few years ago, her cancer pain sounded similar to your Mom's. Nothing could stop it. Realize that you were there when she needed you and did everything you could to take care of her and make her comfortable. I cried for a long time after I lost my Mom, but life does go on and I had a family that needed taking care of.

There is nothing wrong with grieving for a lost parent. However, cutting your wrists and trying to do yourself harm is not very good. See if you can't get into therapy and work through some of this. As for your doctor not changing your meds, go to another doctor who will listen to you. I wish you well.

Answer 8

Look, u are going through a mournin stage in your life, u dont need to let the devil get u down like this.
Your ma is in a better place, an evil force is getting the best of u makin u harm yourself and u are givin in to such mind demons.
Look, start to love yourself, and respect yourself and forget the doctor, all u need is prayer, try reading the bible and u may feel normal for a change....take care and rebuke ye demons out of your mind by the holy blood of JESUS CHRIST@ amen

Answer 9

do you think your mother wants to see you going through this? get help... just b/c you haven't found the right person to help doesn't mean you can't find the right one. find a new doctor to help get the right meds and find a place where you are comfortable getting help. sometimes you have to suck it up even if you don't completely click with the person helping you.... you need to get to the bottom of your pain and find answers on how to move beyond it.
life can be good..... and very very hard. set some short term and long term goals for yourself. realistic ones so you can start finding some joy in life when you fulfill your goals.
you are not alone.

Answer 10

wow, you really need to get help! my mom almost died of cancer a few years ago.. I spent almost all my time at the hospital with her.. she got better, but she was in BAD shape for a long time.. nobody thought she was going to make it.. if she had died, I know I'd be really depressed.. call someone.. there are support centers for people considering suicide.. don't try to just work this out on your own! you really need to see a therapist or something!