am i too ugly to get a gf?

Question

it seems girls just see straight past me (or perhaps over me, im only 5"6) and dont seem to really notice me at all. if i approach them, they will generally walk away or lose interest quite quickly. i go out quite often, and do activities that girls apparently like (ie play guitar, sport, write music) however this still seems to not create interest. i am 21, short, have obvious freckles covering the majority of my pale body, am very hairy (covers my back and chest, and also some on my shoulders), bad teeth. these are the reasons i have in my mind to explain the girls lack of interest in me. i have never had a proper gf and have had virtually no self esteem for as long as i can remember. i am becoming more and more embarassed by this and really dont know what to do? i have gone for new hair styles, new clothes etc, but still just cant seem to do anything to get out of this train of thought (difficult when you hate who you see in the mirror every day). how do i reverse this thinkin

i have also been suffering from depression since my father died in 2004, and feel like life is passing me by. i regret most things i have done (for reasons i dont understand) and just really do hate myself. is there anyway to improve this train of thought (other than medication or professional help)?

Answer 1

hmm... well as a girl who has a very pale, freckly and hairy boyfriend, i would say those things are not that terrible. i'm not sure just how bad your teeth are, but whitening toothpaste doesn't cost much more than regular and i'm sure it works. being short isn't a bad thing either. your problem probably lies in your confidence. girls simply do not find self esteem issues attractive. though this only makes your problem a perpetual hell, i'm sure you are not destined to a life of loneliness. you are after all still young. but girls usually look at it this way, "if you don't like yourself, why should i?" so here's my recomendation. next time you find a girl you're intrested in, buck up some courage and say hi to her. it's okay if she can see you're nervous, but not if she can see you think you've got no chance. don't tel her things that would make her pity you. even if on the inside you're panicked and feeling hopless, you need to try and seam proud of who you are, even with your flaws. some guys just have a way of saying, "i'm not attractive, and i'm proud," and just by saying that they've made themselves attractive. confidence is the number one thing. act like it's an honor to date you and she'll see it that way too. good luck, and i'm sure eventually you'll find the right lady for you.

ps. you're taller than 50% of american girls.

oh, and as to your second issue:
yes. you surround yourself with friends. if you don't have any, make some. again, confidence is key. a good and supportive bunch of guy friends can do a lot more than even the best girlfriend. try joining a community activity, a sports league, quizzo, whatever. keep yourself occupied with enjoyable things and try to meet new cool people. :-)

Answer 2

I was 5' 7" in high school and was conscious of my height. Believe me, that will not be a problem. Many pretty girls are 5'4" and shorter. You sound intelligent enough, so I don't see that as a problem either. The dental thing is a deal breaker though. I am guessing you don't have any dental insurance or you don't have any money. Girlfriends should not be as important as your dental health. Put yourself in the girl's place -- would you want to kiss somebody with bad teeth and bad breath? If you can't afford a dentist now, I really believe you should make it a goal to earn some money so that you can get some dental help. Not for getting girls - but so that you don't lose your teeth. The hair thing means you have a high level of testosterone - that's a good thing. There are things you can do about excess hair. Ultimately, nobody knows what will happen with your life, you may just luck into some great things. You are relatively young and you should focus on success. Success is very attractive. If it's any consolation, attractive guys can screw up their life too. Be smart, respect yourself, and take care of yourself. That's the best advice I can give you.

Answer 3

Yes, but ask yourself..."Am I desperate?" If the answer is, "Yes", it may be why they aren't noticing.

Don't try so hard, OK?

NOTE: Why not professional help? It isn't embarrassing...some people find it helpful to talk to someone they don't directly know. The person might be able to help you in ways you can't imagine. If you worry about what other people think, then DON'T TELL THEM you are seeing someone. If you are truly depressed, then why would you rule out some things without considering if they can actually help you? Seriously, if you are depressed, go talk to someone about options.

Oh, and honestly, getting a makeover will NOT help you. First, any girl that ONLY cares about that isn't worth your time. Some attraction is necessary, looking like a star isn't. The girls above me that say, "Get some cool clothes, act cool, spend money" are probably fairly young and have a lot to learn. THey aren't wrong...they just don't know. Fix your head and find out what is bothering you...then you can work on the rest. Acting "cool" won't be right for you if it isn't...well...you... It will be you "acting cool" but not "feeling cool."

Anyway, the rest is up to you...

Answer 4

You need to lower your expectations of girls, perhaps you only noticed the pretty ones before and ignored all the others. There's bound to be someone there you can make a start with. Practice smiling in the mirror, choose the friendliest smile you can do and use it throughout the day, dont be too persistent with girls - treat them as friends at first and see how things go, dont hesitate to say a simple 'hi' to girls just to show you notice them. Look at them a bit longer and wink if they smile back. Keep doing this and you'll have a gf in no time.

Answer 5

I am sorry about your father and from a girls point of view i will Try see what the problem is...It sounds like you're and interesting person so maybe you need to liven up how you talk . and maybe get rid of some of the body hair...i know that would be kind of an automatic turn off. now i don't care if you don't take this advise but at least remember this. DO NOT CHANGE YOUR SELF!!!! you are who you are the way your creator made you and you should embrace it. i hope you find who/what you are looking for. good luck.

Answer 6

First, get your teeth fixed. Bad teeth are a turnoff to both genders. Next, even with your new hairstyles and new clothes your negativity shines through. Smile, be friendly, be polite, and be POSITIVE in every aspect possible. It's difficult to gain any sort of friendship if you have no self esteem. It's not an easy task, but if you really want what you say, you will work on it and soon you will reap the rewards of a positive personality!

Answer 7

I am 5'5" and you are really not all that short. I like harry men and hate the idea that they shave their body.You can get your teeth fixed or get particulars or false teeth JUST FIND YOU A GOOD WOMAN TO CUDDLE UP IN BED WITH WORK HARD AND TAKE CARE OF THOSE TEETH AND ENJOY YOUR LIFE! Look in the mirror and say" You good looking thing just wait until i get these teeth fixed" Look at it this way when you get older you may be even better looking. Change that attitude Stay clean and neat and brush those teeth.Good luck and try to think hqppy!

Answer 8

It might make you feel better to know your speaking to the crowd. I am the same height as you, but 18, i struggle with self-esteem also, and when it comes to women i totally fail. So what do we do? We just have to keep trying...leave all your options open. If rejection comes, try to move on and forgive yourself. Try and give yourself a word of encouragement. You said you can write music..i use to play sax and i suck at reading music...what you should do is you should write a song about how you feel to get over the rejection. Oh how bout play your sport with one of friends. That might get it off your mind. But buddy there is something we can both agree on....we so many women in this world...it would be impossible for you not to be able to find a gf. Just be yourself, and hold your head up like you know who you are. Sometimes i would see women and i knew they were looking down at me. I felt so bad about myself. And it hurt. And im not gonna lie to you and tell you that i got out of my self-pity easily. No i didn't. You just have to keep on pushing yourself. Tell yourself your you don't need a women to approve of your looks. And another thing...the problems of this world...you can be assured that someone is going through the samething you are somewhere in this world.

Answer 9

Sounds to me like you need to work on your OWN self-esteem first. Unless you like what's inside, nobody ELSE is going to be interested either.

I would suggest that you stay outgoing, keep with the activities, and perhaps get either some counseling or a good self-help book. Your issues are going to mess with you for years to come if you don't deal with this now while you're young.

(and yeah, I know of what I speak... I'm 45 years old, and I had to spend seven years in therapy to overcome my own self-loathing issues due to childhood abuse.) Today, friends and acquaintances always comment on my "confidence" and "self-assured" attitude... and I always tell them "oh, the person you see before you today and the person I was 20 years ago are two ENTIRELY different people!"

Best of luck to you!
Harleygirl in San Diego

Answer 10

OK, this is what i think, I'm only 5'1.... so 5'6 is not bad at all, if you work out and keep in shape. Now freckles,nothing wrong with them, and there is nothing wrong with hair on you'r body, some girls like that, some don't. but you really need to work on your teeth that's very important, go see a dentist and ask him what you need to do to make you'r teeth better, if you start there i think it will make you feel a lot better about yourself the rest will fall in place after. good luck!