I told the parents of a teen family member that she is in with the wrong crowd.?

Question

The parents have been very laxed with her. They have given her a lot of freedom without any limits. She is unable to make good decisions for herself and is lying to them and doing things they would disapprove of behind their backs. Stuff that will harm her in her future. I told the girls sister and parents. The 'rents are angry with me for telling the sister. They somehow want me to take responsibility to reform the situation. I am a relative who lives far and am not the same age The girl doesn't speak to me except maybe 2x a year. I have gotten nasty emails and phone calls from the parents. Do I respond to them? Do I remain silent? What can I do/ I really don't want to take responsibility for the situation. She is so far into things that I don't feel she will change. And when she doesn't the blame will be on me for not getting her out. I can't take the emotional blackmail. What would you do?

Answer 1

There is nothing left for you to do. You did the right thing of informing her parents about the whereabouts of their daughter. You do have a responsibility in the sense that you really are relatives with her. You could advice her of what she should do and that always assure her that you can help her in any best possible way you can. But it is not you who should intervene in this situation. Her parents should be the one who should talk to her and take her out of the hole that she dug herself into.

You should talk to her parents about the things that they are doing to you. I think they are matured people not to listen to you. Tell them that you don't appreciate what they are doing, like the emails and the phone calls. But if they keep on doing it, the best thing for you to do is to just ignore it. And also be firm on telling them that you don't want to take responsibility on the situation. You should let them understand also that they are her parents and that they should be the one to talk to their child.

I hope all goes well with you. God Bless!

Answer 2

I think you have the perfect opportunity to help this young lady, especially since you have been through rough times in your high school years. The best way to connect with her is by expressing your familiarity with how she is feeling, but to make sure the conversation naturally flows in that direction before bringing it up. Be up front and direct, but don't push the subject. Relate her current emotions to how you felt, and give examples about how you were able to get through these rough times. Lastly, open to door to further conversations. See how she responds to your initial comments, if nothing happens maybe you can visit her sometime and have this conversation in person, you might get a breakthrough. Best of luck, I wish the best for your cousin in law!

Answer 3

I applaud you for letting them know what is going on with there daughter, parents are usually the last to know. They are angry and they will get over it. I would send them a letter and explain the only reason I spoke to you about this situation is because I feel you should know, She is your child and you are the ones who should take responsibility, not me. So please do not contact me again. and don't answer any e mails after that, in fact change your e-mail address.

Answer 4

You have done all you need to do. The parents obviously do not care about their daughter or they would do something. If someone told em my kids were in trouble I would investigate, before passing judgment on the one that told me. You could try talking to the girl, but it won't do a bit of good without the parents to back you up. All you can do now is pray for the girl, that she will see her evil ways and for the parents that they will change their judge mental minds. Bless You for trying!

Answer 5

Do not respond to the parents. Clearly they had a role (either actively, or more likely, inactively) in how their daughter has gotten to this stage. It is not your responsibility to get involved any further. I'd argue that you already overstepped your bounds, but at least you had good intentions. Just ignore the e-mails and let them figure it out on their own.

Answer 6

doc: There are few issues as touchy to a parent than their children. You would be wise to butt out of this and allow nature to take its course ! Just let it be ... life is a learning experience - the adage, "live and learn" ... Well at least "live", anyways; (if you learn anything along the way in the process, so be it !!! a.k.a. No pain ... no gain ! You can not change anyone but yourself !

Answer 7

That's too bad. Just remember that you called them as you see them and you were justified and did the right thing. It's too bad but life isn't fair. You need not respond. Time will heal and prove your correct. It won't help with the parents. If the harassment continues, you may need to talk or think about a protection order.

Answer 8

The parents are acting childishly. What you did is right..your responsibility in informing the parents stop there. The rest is up to the parents.
Do not reply to the angry emails cos it will subsided. Avoid in engaging in emails war to avoid more complication.
You have done good by highlighting it to the parent.
So rest assured that your concious is clear.

Answer 9

It is not your responsibility, but maybe you could talk to the girl, and help her to change. Offer some suggestions as to the steps she needs to take to change. Then email the parents and tell them exactly what you said. Then wait. If you pray, then pray.

Answer 10

Why are your putting your nose in someone else's buisness?Why do you think it is your responsibility to reform someone else's behavior?Maybe it is a hard lesson learned.Also,why is it that she only talks to you once a year?It sounds like you are not in this persons life very much to begin with,so why butt in now?There may be alterior motives behind your "concern."