Are Imaginary Friends Something to Worry About?

Question

I have an 8 year old daughter, I had three but two years ago I signed my rights away to my youngest two. My daughter still gets to see her 5 year sister but never gets to see her 3 year old sister. She has been really torn up about missing her younger sister off and on for the past two years. Lately it's been getting worse and I'm thinking she's created two imaginary friends. We're all afraid she's going to be sent over the edge if we don't do something but what can we do? We've sent her to a physciatrist and they said she's fine and she knows she can talk about her sister at anytime and that it's okay to cry.

Is there anything we can do and is it possible she's created her imaginary friends to take the place of her sister?

Answer 1

Yeah like everyone else I agree that the imaginary friend is normal. Worrying about it will only make your child scared that she's doing something wrong. But I also want to say that it's a great opportunity for the two of you to communicate about what she's thinking and feeling. Kids process major events in their lives through play. They act them out over and over until they understand them. Some use dollhouses, their babydolls, playing pretend with other friends and of course the imaginary friends. You participating in that play could help her process it. Just follow her lead. You might ask about her friend. Where she met her. What her family is like. Maybe the three of you can have a picnic on the living room floor. It will give you a lot of insight to what she's thinking. Do more listening than talking during the play time, and you might learn more than you'd ever thought to.

It sounds like she's a normal healthy kid going through a normal process. And if you're still worried in a few months you could always take her to be evaluated by another person.

As for her contact with her sisters, I don't know the circumstances surrounding signing the rights away and it doesn't matter what the circumstances are. You did a brave and hard thing. I can't imagine what it would be like to be the birth mom and have to come to that decision for whatever the reason.

You say that your daughter hasn't seen her youngest sister. Is this part of the agreement, that she's not supposed to have any contact with you two, or is she allowed but it just never happens? The reason why I ask is that if your daughter can send letters and pictures to her youngest sister this might make her feel better. If they would be willing to send a picture every once in a while to her that might make it easier, too. No matter where she goes your eight year old will always be sisters with both of them and I hope the family of your youngest realizes that since your oldest was already five when they left of course she'd be attached to them.

But you may find that isn't the part your daughter is most worried about. You really won't know until you do the imaginary play with her in the lead.

It sounds like you're doing everything you can do for your daughter and I'm sure she'll be fine. It sounds like she knows she has your help and support and that's the most important thing.

Answer 2

Imaginary friends at her age are totally normal. In your daughter's case it might be particularly helpful for her to help her with the adjustment of losing her sister. You said you took her to psychiatrist - can I suggest a counselor or psychologist instead? Psychiatrists are trained in medication dispersement and major psychological disorders. The are qualified to counsel people, but tend to do that less and less these days. A "regular" therapist will be able to work with your daughter on a deeper level and may be more helpful. It can't hurt to give it a try and if that person says she is doing fine then that's good news. It sounds like she could be having some grief issues - even though her sister isn't dead - it is still a loss to her. When she's ready she will give up the imaginary friends, if she still hasn't a year from now that may be something to explore with a therapist as well.

Answer 3

I can see that this is troubling you. It seems a complex issue.
I don't think there is a single easy way out of this. I think you have done the right thing by getting a professional to see her and usually they will spot any major problems.
Perhaps the best thing I can suggest is to not make a big deal of these "friends". If she is coping with a complex loss through having an imaginary friend then it is not as bad as her not coping at all. Lots of kids have imaginary friends, it's a fun game at that age and she will eventually grow out of it.
Also if you spend as much free time as possible doing things together - watching TV, reading, singing, playing, helping you prepare foods etc then she will have less time to spend with imaginary friends.
An idea you might consider is get a cat. Kids love cats and they are great pets. A cat is much less work than a dog and does not need so much attention. Your daughter will then have a real friend to play with and thus will have less need of imaginary friends.
I guess this is the best I can offer as advice. I hope all goes well for you and your daughter.

Answer 4

Having imaginary friend is not what's going to hurt her in the long run, it's not having her sisters. I had a boy friend in high school who was in foster care from 3 to 9 when he and his brother were finally adopted together. At 4 or 5 they were separated for a few months...he told me about it when he was 17 and he was fighting back the tears. i also know people who had imaginary friends as kids and they are just fine now. She has the imaginary friends to deal with not having her sisters..as long as she's not hurting herself or anyone else leave her alone.

Answer 5

Imaginary friends are fine especially in this kind of position. You should not of split your family apart. I dont know why you did it but I think the best way you van help her is to get your 2 kids back. Your daughter may end up having problems if you dont. A situation like this is not something to take to a therapist but to a family read this wll and take my advice or the whole family will suffer. If your daughter feels this bad and she is 8 imagine how the other 2 are feeling.

Answer 6

It's normal for children to create imaginary friends because they are lonely, but if you are really worried about it then try spending more time with her and encourage her to make friends at school and outside of the family. I don't know the circumstances surrounding why she can't be with her sisters but think of it from her standpoint; she is probably missing them terribly; it's almost the same to her as if they died. They were such a big part of her life before and now she rarely sees them and never gets to see the youngest. It also might help if you talked about them with her and reassured her that they are happy and living their own lives, just as she it. She is grieving for them and you should treat it as such - the imaginary friends are just her way of coping.

Answer 7

all children place the wrong they wish to do, or actually do on their imaginary friend. u have got so paranoid about the islam issue that u have forgotten that this is a child. would the dad want to burn down their house if the child friend was black, hispanic, asian, in other words anything different? is the boy even old enough to understand that people are different or have his parents pushed that on him? instead of focusing on the name of the imaginary friend let your friend find ways of teaching her child to be responsible for his emotions and actions. if she does not normally allow her son to experience negative emotions like anger, hurt or blame, he will have to pass these on to someone else. some of us can say the dog ate my homework or Johnny started the fight, but others go into their heads to choose a person mummy cant beat.

Answer 8

I don't think you have anything to worry about. However, if she starts arguing with the imaginary friends or having very in-depth conversations or if she is clearly not in touch with reality at all....that could be a sign of childhood onset schitzophrenia. If schitzophrenia does not run in your family or if she is not exhibiting these signs, you have nothing to worry about. It would be fairly obvious if these imaginary friends were a ligitimate hallucination. Maybe you should try to get her more involved in after-school activities or have cousins/ friends over more often. Shes probably just lonely.

Answer 9

Imaginary friends are normal for kids to have. I had one and I dont remember (i was told this ). It may be possible that she misses her sister, but she may just have invented a friend who is always available to play with her, and never has to go home.

Answer 10

losing her two sisters the way you describe was far more traumatic for her than you probably realised. She doesnt need a psychiatrist she needs to see her sisters. Or get bereavement counselling because that's what is making her do this, her grief is re-creating them back in her word.