Whats a good way to say no without being rude??

Question

so i work at an army base and i am married to a soldier who is currently in Korea. I work directly with the soldiers and they are always hitting on me. what do i tell them that will make them stop? I do tell them i am married but they don't seem to care. I don't want to be rude because they are fighting for our country..any suggestions??

Answer 1

Forget being nice; these guys are neanderthals and don't understand the concept. The next time one of them hits on you say very firmly, "I've told you before, I'm married and not interested. If you cannot maintain your bearing, I will report you to your supervisor." Don't wait for next time; report them to their immediate supervisor, your boss, as well as the Equal Opportunities advisor for your office. Also, go to the chaplain. They're trained to handle sexual harrassment. That's exactly what this is.

Don't be around these guys alone. If they get physical, fight back and then call the MPs ASAP.

Answer 2

I've had to deal with the same thing. Sometimes you just have to tell them to f*** off. And I personally don't think that's rude after you'd already said you were married and they were jerks and kept bugging you. The fact they're fighting for our country doesn't mean they can treat you like a piece of meat.
Ya know what would be great though is if they did that in front of an officer and didn't realize it. I had that happen at the base hospital and that guy was still getting jacked up when I came out after getting my prescription!

Answer 3

Tell them you will report them. I bet some of them are even married. That was my experience when I first went into the Army. I was single and all the males were always hitting on me. Then a few weeks later I would find out they were married with a couple of kids.

Answer 4

You will only have to do this once. Make a huge scene the next time someone asks you out and be sure to do it where everyone that you work with can hear you and make it LOUD. Be sure to yell as loudly as you can that you are tired of guys hitting on you just because your husband is in Korea.

Not only will the person you are yelling at get the idea, the whole group of folks that you work with will "get it".

Good luck and keep the faith.

Answer 5

I agree with everything that's been said here that there's nothing rude about saying no, and continuing to push you is harassment. Still, if you're looking for a response, you might try this.
Every time a man says something that makes you feel even somewhat uncomfortable, say, "I'm sorry, that's inappropriate, I'm a married woman." Continue to be polite and friendly, but you need to set very clear boundaries.

Answer 6

You don't think it's rude of them to be hitting on you knowing that you are married?

Many men have this idea that a woman HAS to have sex when her man isn't around so being the weasels that they are, they try to see if it's true. They could care less about you as a person. They are only looking to score. Don't kid yourself about that.

If you have to tell one of them more than once, tell them perhaps their commanding officer can help them to understand what the word no means? It shouldn't take long after that for word to get around that you aren't an easy piece.

Answer 7

Are there other family members in the home besides you and your grandmother? If so, the others may be bothered by the whistler. Perhaps a parent can say something to this fellow- "We are very pleased with the service you are giving Grandma. I would like to speak to you about something, however. Your morning whistling and clapping is waking everyone up. Would mind saving/whistling until later in the morning? We appreciate your cooperation." If that doesn't work, speak with the company that sent the caregiver. His superiors will talk with him and will correct out any problems.

Answer 8

I've always tried to keep a balance between being a friendly, polite person and letting men know I'm completely unavailable and devoted to my husband.

Part of it is how I dress... nothing skin tight, no low necklines or short skirts or tight pants. Your voice may say "no", but if your body language and clothing says "c'mon soldier!" you're leading them on and being deceptive. Always wear your wedding rings and keep your husband's picture's on your desk.

Another part is I don't look at a man below his shoulders, no matter what, no matter how tempting he is.

Guys still attempt to flirt or hit on me but if my response is calm and definitely negative (though still polite) they don't usually ask again. I learned that if I get flustered, blush, or give *any* encouragement the attempts continue.

Avoid being close friends with any other men besides your husband. Don't share marital problems with any other man, or listen to problems he's having with his wife... this is red flag to marriage counsellors. Keep an arm's distance both physically and emotionally from the men you work with... no hugs, no back or shoulder massages, no crying on their shoulders when the longing for your man gets to be too much.

Find a military wife's support group either online or at the base and use those gals as your sounding board and basis of strength when it seems to be too much.

The very best "weapon" (if you call it such) when I'm hit on or flirted with by another man is to pray for him. Pray for his safety, his training, that his family will be proud of him, etc. Praying for someone completely removes any bit of attraction I might have felt for him, and it's doing something positive for him. When he flirt or hits on me again, I just tell him that I'm praying for you, did you know that?

Answer 9

Be Rude. Sexual Harrassment makes women and men victims. When you say no....mean no. Tell them that you will follow up with their supervisor/Officer in Charge and file charges against them if they cannot conduct themselves professionally. As a woman veteran, I can relate to this huge problem that must be addressed with strict firmness. Put your foot down so that it does not happen to others.

Answer 10

Even though they are fighting for our country they still have no right to hit on you. Talk to their commanding officer about this. Tell him that it makes you uncomfortable. With all of the sexual harassment and sex abuse charges in the military they are taking these allegations more seriously.