All I want is some help! Am I asking too much, or expecting too much from him?

Question

I'm 18 years old and I just had twins in July it's an amazing experience but sometimes it can be extremely overwhelming, my fiance is 22 years old and works a full time job to support us. But he doesn't seem to be able to step up to the plate when I absolutely need him to. When the babies cry and won't stop he gets so frustrated and just sometimes leaves the room and lets me deal with it on my own. I do it all day and night and all I ask is that he help me for a few hours after work. For some reason he makes me feel guilty for asking him. Also all we do is fight anymore, constantly arguing over nothing. I sometimes think that we'd be better off if we went our seperate ways. I love him, but I just can't take him helping me when the mood strikes him. I'm young and there are plenty of guys out there who would love to spend every waking second with me and 2 beautiful babies. I'm almost at my breaking point, I know it's my decision in the end I would just appreciate some feedback.

Answer 1

you are lucky he stuck around at all!
There usually is not a happy ending to teenage pregnancy!

Answer 2

I understand your frustration, but i think hes probably finding the complete lifestyle change hard too. At least hes working full time to support you, i know how hard babies are and how you just want to feel what normal life is like. But I dont think you can leave the father of your children, because he cant see why he has to help. In the olden days he wouldn't have, maybe you could sit down with him make an agreement not to fight, or yell. And just explain how hard it is to be around the babies all day everyday, Or get a babysitter for the night take him out, and try to get him to explain what he sees as his role in the relationship. And ask for help. Say how hard you find being a young mother and how much it hurts to think, that he cant see that. If you do manage to take him out make sure you dress up and make yourself feel pretty, hes really young and so are you, so hes probably feeling like hes working his **** off and all he gets is winging when he gets home. Id try to make it work, you could probably find someone else, but its not fair to move on before you let him know why.

Answer 3

Sorry...call me old fashion, but you could go out and find the best guy around, but the bottom line is that those babies belong to your husband. I went through the same thing years ago. Pregnant right out of high school. The first couple years was awful, we were both so imiture, constantly fighting, drinking, not a fun time in my life. We split up about 6-7 times in the first 2 years of my sons life. Well, with time and maturity things did work out. Now, years later, life is great and our baby is now 26 years old and very happily married. Try to get along....life is too short. Find a good babysitter and plan on going out together once a week...you must have SOMETHING to look forward to!! Hang in there Mommie!!

Answer 4

Well, dealing with five month old twins is a job and a force to be reckon with. I think you are stressing from the pressures of the constant nagginggg of the needy babies during the day and at night. He's aggravated from the stresses of work and then coming home to your naggin' , the babies naggin' and he feels trapped. I think you both need to get a baby sitter for the weekend and find some R&R. You know Rest and Romance. It's all good , but it will be that way for awhile until you get them on a better schedule. Good Luck and GOD BLESS!!!!!

Answer 5

You both are awfully young to have two children already. I'm sure the stress for both of you is tremendous. If there is a family member close by perhaps they can give you a break for an hour or two. Try as best you can to love and support each other, he must support you and help with the children but more importantly he should want to.

Answer 6

Before you give up on this relationship, perhaps you could try couples counseling. He should be able to work a full time job and help some with the babies, lots of men do it.

Maybe he doesn't know what to do. Try going to parenting classes with him. You may not need it, but it is unlikely that he will go on his own.

It might help if you ask him to do specific things instead of just asking for help. Ex. "Could you get diapers and wipes for me?" "Would you change baby A's diaper?", "Would you warm the bottles?", "Would you like to feed the babies with me?" If he is not confident in his ability to care for the babies, the smaller, more specific tasks might be easier for him.

Answer 7

Welcome to the harsh reality of adult life hon :)

You two need a break - not from each other, but from the babies. You need to leave him with the babies and go for a walk, he needs to get out and do something as well, and you need to both go out and leave the babies with a sitter (preferably a really good granny if one's available)

He could also use a super-good book on child-rearing with basic information. Or, if you want to get him involved secretly, ask him to look up how to get the girls to stop crying when they....(fill in the blank) by going to parents.com - it will give him a positive thing to do and make him feel he's helping.

Answer 8

So your babies will be close to 5 months life should be easier by now the babies will be sleeping through the night u should be getting enough sleep to cope with them. Your man is trying hard to support u thats a big stress in itself. Put the babies in day care once a week just so u can have a little time to yourself. Please stop fighting

Answer 9

He feels since he's the financial provider this means that he doesnt have to do anything else. taking care of a baby is a job and you have two so its like you are working 2 jobs. Leave him I bet you he will shape up after he has topay child suport for two kids!

Answer 10

first of all, at eighteen years of age, you just figured out how to tie your shoes a few years ago and are now having babies...thats what i call stress my friend...whre are your parents, his parents??? when we had our first child we couldnt keep my mom or her mom out of the house...you need a lot more family support.....DEFINATELY a baby sitter....the two of you need to get out of the house for a night

Answer 11

IF YOU ALREADY TALKED TO HIM ABOUT THIS, AND HE STILL WON'T HELP. MAYBE YOU SHOULD FIND YOUR OWN PLACE, AND FILE FOR CHILD SUPPORT. ITS GOING TO BE HARD TO RAISE A CHILD AND HARDER BECAUSE YOU HAVE TWINS. BUT I BELIEVE THAT YOU CAN DO IT. JUST THINK OF THEM. THEY DON'T NEED TO HEAR THE ARGUING . AND YOU ARE RIGHT THERE ARE OTHER GUYS OUT THERE THAT WOULD LOVE TO BE IN HIS SHOES. GO FIND ONE. MAYBE HE WILL OPEN UP HIS EYSE TO SEE WHAT HE LOST. GOOD LUCK.