I slept with my boss, then met his girlfriend 4 days later?

Question

Ok, I'm sure you're saying QUIT! But its a tiny company and the first job where I am really needed and depended on. In my actual work, 95% of my contact is with his partner, and the boss and I were more friends. Now I realize he went out of his way to not mention his girlfriend for almost a year. He was also so over the top in his flirting (sitting on my lap, asking me to rub his feet), that I never really thought he wasn't single. I finally went home with him after a party, lots of fun...Went to the office after work (I work on the road) for an office party and this woman says, "Hi, I'm xxxxx, xxxx's girlfriend."
My Thoughts:
1) I pushed my way into this company because I thought they would become very successful and invested a year in it.
2) I could easily continue to work with the partner and not talk to him
3) I feel that if I continue to work, I'll be "approving" of the cheating
4) If I dissapear, he'll "get away with it"
5) If I stay, I'll lose self-respect

Thank you all, except jayndee and noble, your answers were truly helpful and I have decided to quit. Really, thank you.

Answer 1

What you should ask yourself is what is most beneficial for you?
If you stay, then you could become successful. But then you may be subject to rumors and gossip. If you leave you would be able to maintain your self-respect, and there will always be more jobs. Write down the pros and cons of staying at that company.
Whatever turns out to be more beneficial for you as far as finances and your emotional health, choose that decision.
Remember, a man will do what you allow him to do. You deserve someone that will respect you as an employee and a lady. Keep your standards high and respect yourself.

Answer 2

hmmm...you're in a tricky situation because you pt yourself there. That's not a judgment or criticism, just an observation. It was a mistake, in my humble opinion to sleep with a boss, but a mistake is a mistake and nothing more. I'm not sure why staying with your job will cause you to lose respect when sleeping with the boss won't but that's another question for another day. Use this as a learning experience. Now you need to show some maturity. If your job was perfect before you slept with the boss do what you can to salvage it and stay put. You can have a quiet conversation with the boss and tell him that you would rather not be involved with a boss or someone who is committed to someone else so let bygones be bygones. He will probably be relieved that your aren't going to rat him out. I suspect the girlfriend already knows he's a cheater. Women always know even if they don't admit it. If it's true that you rarely see the cheater and work 95% of the time with his partner, keeping the relationship, (or putting the relationship) on a professional level shouldn't be that difficult. From now, don't sleep with bosses or coworkers. And if alcohol caused your lapse in judgment you may rethink your social habits with co-workers as well. Just ride out the storm if your job is important to you. This too shall pass. Good luck.

Answer 3

If you really like your job and are doing well at it now, don't quit, just continue doing a good job. If you leave now it will look bad for you and your boss could black ball you, I know it's not fair, but the name of the game is getting ahead. So just act as if youv'e never slept with him. Next time he comes on to you, politely mention how much you liked his girlfriend and do not sleep with him again. Wait a few months, make sure your'e on good terms (even if your'e still seething inside) and start looking for a new job. That way you haven't burned any bridges and you will get a good reference. Be sure to refrain from any drinking around him or at office functions and above do not tell anyone you work with that you slept with him. Thats my advice. What he did was underhanded but you need to take care of yourself now. I know your hurt by what he did but be the profressional and rise above it. You will be proud of yourself and do the best job you can for the company, the reference is what you want and you never know he may just respect for your behaviour and you'll both be able to forget it ever happened, let this be a lesson to learn though. Never sleep with a co-worker especially a boss. Good luck to you.

Answer 4

Sounds like your wife has a sugar daddy. I think it's pretty obvious that there was something more going on than friendship.... If even on the very slim chance that there wasn't it's MORE THAN OBVIOUS that this guy has interests in your wife more than friendship. For that reason alone your wife needs to have respect for you and end this relationship. You are NOT WRONG. The bottom line is that ANYTHING that makes a spouse uncomfortable or scared or hurt is something that the other spouse should put an end to. And it really boils down to this: Does your wife love her "friendship" with this other man more than she loves you? And she won't introduce you?! Well that is reason enough to demand that this charade ends. Wow, don't be gullible. You don't need someone to tell you that you are right.... if you even think there's a chance that you are wrong then you are really having the wool pulled over your eyes. Their relationship is just plain disrespectful to you (at the least) and needs to end. If I were in your shoes I'd DEMAND it (if I didn't divorce her first). ... (and this is coming from a female).

Answer 5

I'd say get out now while the getting's good. Word of stuff like this does get around and when the girlfriend gets word of it, the **** is really gonna hit the fan. As you said it's gonna always feel awkward. It will be like a big elephant in the room and everyone is pretending not to notice while it poops on the floor and eats the drapes.

As for feeling like he'll "get away with it" realize that telling his girlfriend may not be the best course of action. There's a good possibility she may not believe you and you'll get a rep around the office as a trouble maker. Pick your battles wisely.

Put simply get out while the getting is good and consider this a valuable life lesson learned the hard way. The lesson, be very careful mixing business and pleasure.

Answer 6

If you slept with your boss, and describe it as 'lots of fun,' then you plainly weren't investing a great deal of thought or emotion into the act, so--why is self-respect even at issue here? It's not like he's a married man, and it's not like you had your heart broken over it. You had fun, and you had sex. Why is that a big deal?

He's only cheating if he and his grilfriend have an exclusive relationship. Unless you know the intimate details of their agreement, you can't pass judgement. If they don't, he's not 'getting away' with anything. If you're concerned about it, don't sleep with him again. Your presence in the workplace neither implies approval or disapproval of his actions, since you were unaware of her existance. If he comes on to you again, then go ahead and tell him you think he's being a jerk to his girlfriend, but otherwise, let it go.

You went to work for the company for reasons of your own, to promote your own career and success. Unless you were planning to do that by sleeping with the boss, those reasons are still valid reasons to work there. Act like it never happened, keep flirting with him, whatever. Don't go there again if it bothers you, don't let it ruin what is otherwise a good job, and don't let him see that it matters to you. Or quit, and go elsewhere. There are not a lot of choices in between.

Answer 7

It sounds like you are in a pretty tricky situation. It would be very embarrassing for all concerned if the affair was made public and it is definitely embarrassing for you to find out he has a girlfriend! I know I would not want to stay in such a situation. If it's possible to change jobs and still maintain your current social standing (money-wise, at least) I would do it. If you really think you can continue to work productively with this man, go ahead, but make it clear that you don't approve of his ethics and next time he wants some company in bed, he will have to look elsewhere (I'd suggest the dog pound). You really didn't do anything wrong, it was he who seduced you under false pretenses and you shouldn't have to suffer because of it. I strongly suggest you cut ties with your boss and seek employment elsewhere and I hope your financial situation allows such a move. Good luck and I things work out for you - whatever you choose to do.

Answer 8

How long were you working there, as it does
not seem a long time, so why in the first place
would you sleep with your boss?. Don't you
know that this is a no no. You say if you diss
apear he'll get away with it but you let it happen
so how will he get away with it. Self dignity
should tell you what to do. If you are a pro-
fessional in your job field then continue work-
ing in a professional manner, after all it was
a fling thing and you can still go on with your
life. However I would stick to my job and not
continue messing around with the boss.

Answer 9

Stay. Do your very best in your job. Become indispensable. Keep a diary of all the sexual harassment type encounters you have with this guy. If it escalates, take it to the next level. If this guy doesn't shape up, you can file suit.

You should not leave because he is a cad. Hold your head high.

Answer 10

If it were me, I know that I would lose self-respect if I stayed. Even though you slept with him thinking he was available, he obviously isn't and didn't bother to tell you that, so I wouldn't want to work for a person like that. I would leave, but not before letting him know what I thought of him.
What a cad. He doesn't deserve you or his girlfriend.