with my bf of 3 years. We have a child as well.
My bf is very controlling, doesnt want me to go back to school, doesnt like me having or wanting a job (right now Im a stay at home) doesnt like me seeing any friends I have or had, he calls me crazy and a mooch, and just plain mentally abuses me, he has also strnagled me when I was 8 months pregnant to the point where I couldnt breath, I know I should have left, I was scared.
He has hit me a few times as well for thinking Im cheating when I infact had never. He has a bad temper and is a very negative and angry man, his mother also beat him as a child and made him go to school in smelly clotes.
NOW...I am fed up with him, and I just want to leave, with my child.
He has threatned me a number of times that I wont get our child, that even now I am thinking about walking out without my kid, this man is destroying me and I dont know what to do, but I love my son sooo much...HELP.
2006-12-10 09:51:31 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Thanks for proving a point. Abused children grow up to be abusers. So many people on this board seem to think it's OK to smack and beat their kids to 'show them who's boss'. Well. when these bullied kids grow up, they bully others because that's the only thing they've known. As for you, pack up and leave. Don't look back. If you stay, you have no one but yourself to blame.
2006-12-12 00:55:21 · answer #1 · answered by pepper 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Do not leave your child with this hatefully abusive man. He may transfer the abuse to your son. This man is ill equipped to be a partner let alone a father. I suggest you call the cops, explain your situation and ask them to refer you to the nearest women's shelter. If you don't already know how to contact one.They can help you to make a plan to get you and your child out of the house, find a place to stay, and hide you if necessary. They can help you get a restraining order and can also help you to gain sole legal custody. Help you to get training to find a job and become self sufficient. Do this ASAP! Do not tell him of your plans. If you stay the abuse will only escalate. He is already isolating you, preventing you from going to work, verbally and emotionally abusing you. You don't want your son to grow up thinking this is the way to treat women. Children learn what they live. Please take a stand if not for yourself then for your innocent son. God will give you the courage, the first step is asking for help and is always the hardest. But it will be the best thing you have ever done. God Bless you and your baby. Now go pick up the phone you cannot do this alone!
2006-12-10 10:07:32 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you really love your son you will NOT leave him behind. Using your son as a threat is the only was this man knows how to get to you. Chances are once you've left and are safe, he won't bother with custody. Also leaving when he goes to work is the best way to leave without a confrontation. As soon as he hits that door pack everything you need, then go to one of those shelters for women. Not many people like going to places like that, but sometimes it's better then the current situation. Good Luck.
2006-12-10 11:03:52 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
DO NOT LEAVE YOUR CHILD WITH THIS MAN. Call a domestic violence shelter and start making a plan for self-sufficiency. Move far away of you have to, get a restraining order, get a Walmart job and take buses and get subsidized day-care if you have to. The longer you stay, the harder it will be to leave. However, do not expect welfare to help you for very long. Things aren't like they used to be.
Ask yourself two questions:
1. What, if anything, do you love about this man?
2. Do you love your child more than you hate this situation?
The time to leave a relationship is when you hate the things about the person more than you love them.
It took my mother 17 years to leave my abusive, controlling father. It was the bravest thing and hardest thing she ever did I would say. Custody battles over one child did follow, but she didn't return and eventually made her own way and now she has her own apartment and will be able to live the rest of her life making her own choices.
2006-12-10 10:01:56 · answer #4 · answered by Teresa 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The best thing to do is contact either the local police and get a restraining order and/or contact your local domestic violence agency to help you. Unfortunately, the risk for abuse goes up if you try to leave on your own. Not only is the Domestic Violence putting you at risk but it is also putting your child at risk. Do NOT leave without your child. If you choose to leave on your own without the help of officials, make sure you have a safe haven to go to (ie, your parents, or a friend) temporarily and then quickly get on your feet and move far away from him! I cannot stress enough that you MUST get out of this relationship. You have too much time ahead of you and your child.
2006-12-10 09:58:15 · answer #5 · answered by Terri 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart, if this is true, you should get out as soon as you can - its not only awful for you, but a bad situation in which to bring up a child. You will be so much better off on your own with your son.
I hope you have family and/or friends who can help you do this. Do not leave your child - you would never forgive yourself, he needs you so badly.And the chances that a court would award full custody to your (soon-to-be-ex) is tiny, so don;t let him worry you with threats like that. My ex tried that one and had no chance whastoever - its just another way to try to control you.
I wish you good luck
Jx
2006-12-10 09:57:20 · answer #6 · answered by kirroyale3 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Please don't leave your child, you must leave together. Do you have family? If there are no ties to where you live now. GET OUT QUICK. If you stay with him it will only affect your child for the rest of her life. There are agencies out there that can help you get away. You can get a new identity and everything. It sounds like you are a very smart lady. You are smart enough to figure out this relationship is wrong. I wish I knew some of the agencies you could call. Maybe another reader out there can give you some information. Please though get out as quick as possible. Good Luck!!!
2006-12-10 10:55:32 · answer #7 · answered by justcurious 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The Internet is not going to help you leave him.. I knw the feeling but sweetie nothing can get you out but urself.. You have a child involved so ur best bet is to *** up w/a plan and fast... We have so many resources as abused women and we never use them.. While he is a wk you need to go thru ur local telephone papers and find a resource number that can help you.. I wish I could tlk w/u one on one b/c I could pour my heart out in words and wouldn't mean a thing but a smoothing voice can mke a world of difference.. I wish you the best!!!!
2006-12-10 10:36:04 · answer #8 · answered by HoneyBun 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he must of been like this before you had your son, if he was, why did you even spend more then 3 months with this guy, let alone 3 years.
leave him - i am a man, he is no man, a man doesnt do that to a woman, a animal does that, take your son and leave. or get the police to kick him out.
2006-12-10 10:10:36 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this is tru:
Don't you dare leave without that kid! My mother did this once to me and when my drunk abusive father came home he nearly killed me because he said it was my fault she left and I should've stopped her. Anyway, you and you child deserve better than this. Leave that S.O.B on the double. There are plenty of women's shelters and safe houses in every city to help you get back on your feet if you have no friends or family to help you.
Besides no judge will let the father get custody if he is this evil of a person.
2006-12-10 10:00:55 · answer #10 · answered by Ryan's Ma 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋