My boyfriend of 9 months doesn't care about money, or getting a good job. I on the other hand want to eventually buy a house, and plan on making lots of money when I graduate from University. He wont go to school, and will not even let me talk to him about work/school and he gets mad when I do. He has had about 6 jobs since we met, all of them minimum wage. I dont know what to do. I know I will leave him if this continues, as I do NOT want to be the one to support him his whole life. i am only in my early 20s, and he is almost 28.
2006-12-10 09:24:59 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It sounds like you already know what you need to do and it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. He may be a great guy to hang around with and spend your weekends with but it doesn't sound like he has the same values as you. You can hope that one day he will wake up and grow up but I have found in my experience that most people don't change overnight, if ever. Then again, maybe you can just have a good time with him while you are waiting to graduate. Maybe by the then he will look at your accomplishments and become motivated and realize that he has to get serious.
Something that has helped me in the past decide if I was wasting my time with a guy; I would imagine that if my best friend were dating a guy who had the same exact qualities as the guy I was seeing, would I tell her to work it out with him because he was worth it or would I tell her to dump him. Sometimes it is easier to rationalize a situation when you can remove yourself from it and pretend that it is happening to someone else that we really care about.
Good luck. :)
2006-12-10 09:56:04 · answer #1 · answered by Denise S 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well you know, jobs and money are important, but that is not all. If you LOVE this guy, the important thing for you is to realise that he's not the working type and you'll be shoveling in the major part of the dough. This allows you to prepare properly. First, make sure you study in a field that pays well because your salary will be the one supporting both of you. Also, this Xmas give him the best gift ever: FREEDOM. Just tell him he doesn't need to worry about working anymore, because you'll be taking care of that from now on. Lastly, find out what he likes to do and encourage him to do a lot of that and be the best he can doing that.
2006-12-10 17:32:32 · answer #2 · answered by Armanis 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I won't tell you what to do.. I have a daughter 18 whom was with a person like that no ambition nor motivation, he wanted her to get pregnant so they would have an income and she could move in with him, hahaha he lives at his grandma's.. Needless to say I did give her my opinion and told her I had a man like that once. She is rid of him now and he was stalking and trying to intimidate us for awhile but, she has a new guy now I think he's sweet and very successful he has a 34 dollar an hour job, a Cadillac and his own house. Money isn't everything but it sure comes in handy when ya need basic necessities and if ya want to do things that ya both enjoy which as we all know costs money to a certain degree. Hope I wasn't to harsh good luck.. Take care..
2006-12-10 17:35:20 · answer #3 · answered by Woman 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm amazed that you have to ask this question to anonymous people.
Since you haven't said why you are still with him, I can only imagine that those reasons were not worth discussing. By the age of 28, he should be making above minimum wage, education or no education. It's obvious that the guy wants to freeload the rest of his life while you pay the bills. Dump him like an old bag of donuts.
2006-12-10 17:30:29 · answer #4 · answered by chris_in_columbia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Life is not all about money.. But when you're the young one and you are being the most mature that is a bit strange.
I personally don't care about having a crap job, or how much money i earnt, but if in a relationship i wouldn't make the other person pay for everything.
Just because he has not been to uni doesn't mean that he won't be succesful.
I think if he constantly has money coming in, and constantly has a job and is trying... than you should love him no matter what. If he's got a job.. regardless of how much money he makes...than i don't see the problem.
2006-12-10 17:29:55 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
wow, I can see this turning really bad if he doesn't fix himself soon. i'll tell you something....i have a cousin who was in the same situation not too long ago. he didn't work, made up excuses; basically was lazy. but my cousin was in love and she married him anyhow, hoping that things would eventually work out. they've been married 2 years and her life is terrible, she supports him, tries to find jobs for him, but he just quits and sits at home doing nothing knowing that his wife will pay the bills and all. now she's thinking about divorce.
so i'd advise you not to get into a similar situation...if that's the way he is, you can't change him, and you can't let your future be ruined either.
2006-12-10 17:32:31 · answer #6 · answered by annie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if he's almost 30 and headed nowhere, and you're just beginning in life, you'd be better served to get rid of him and find someone that shares your views and supports your ambitions in life, im not quite 22 and i might not have gone to college as of yet, but thats only a result of financial situation, but i do at least have a full time job that pays more than minimum wage, so i see your view point and completely agree with you
2006-12-10 17:31:54 · answer #7 · answered by do_sctc145 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone "plans on making lots" of money in the future...not everyone ends up doing it. Keep that in mind. Perhaps your BF can't get a "good" job because he is not skilled enough. Sure replace him if you want, but be aware that you may be the one kicked to the curb by someone in the future who doesn't "want to support you". Pay rates are all relative remember. Good luck.
2006-12-10 17:31:37 · answer #8 · answered by LanceMiller77 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my god girlfriend u need to find someone esle,.If he hasn't done anything with his life by the age of 28 then u need to understand that u are going to support him for the rest of your life.You don't need a kid u need a man.He doesn't care about money because he has no ambition in life.You can't make people have that plus there lazy and only want to party.You deserve better.Good luck
2006-12-10 17:29:23 · answer #9 · answered by sweet_thing_kay04 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are young and ambitious. The only wealth is life itself but I understand wanting something nice. Nice house, nice car and to be able to afford things you like to do.
Hint of advice...you got a boyfrind that plans on you making the cash while he does nothing.
I have always worked hard and what I have shows it. There are many men out there that work hard to succeed for material things and even though they are nice to have...you being the only one working for them, why share with a person that seems to have no ambition at all?
At one time I was engaged to a woman I truly loved. I thought it would be "my" perfect marriage just to find out she was obcessed with material things that she wasn't willing to work for.
I truly believe one should be self sufficient...no living off friends, family, that kind of thing.
Like I said, your young and got a lot of things going for you. Leave your boyfriend...continue with your life. He will drag you down.
2006-12-10 17:38:55 · answer #10 · answered by Magicman 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋