what to do with his son?

Question

Shall I marry guy who wants to take me far away to live?I love him.But he has a young (6 y.o.) son (his mother died)and I'm worried that if I marry and go with him far away to live I'll become just a baby-sitter for his son.How should I act with his child?Should I addopt him? Is that solution?I want to make it work like a family.Is that possible?The boy is very spoiled.
Yes, i know so many questions, but i think it's natural?

Answer 1

I am 31 years old now, but when I was 6 years old my mother passed away from long cancer as hard as it was at that time I am okay, Well around of age9 I think my father met this women who I call mom. They married when I was 11. I am so proud of my father and this women that i call mom. She treats me as if i am her real daugther. She has raised me and I am who I am because of her. She not only raised me but my brother and sisters too. I thank god every day and somehow I believe my mother sent her to my dad to care for us and him. My brother is now 40, sister 36 we are all like her own children. She does have a son of her own too. I am very thankful again to have a mother who loves me.
You have to look at your own views on life. If this man loves you and respects you, you will not be a babysitter. You can make it work if you want to. To think this little boy needs a mom. Just be patient. I love my mother hope it goes well for you. You can email me if you like

Answer 2

You, obviously, need to discuss these things with your fiance. When you marry, because the boy doesn't have a mother, you will obviously step in (or should) to fill that void. You will not be his mother... but the closest thing he will ever have to one in life (if you remain married to his father).

You are taking on a huge responsibility... and should not enter into it lightly. This little boy has already been through so much in his young life and you should be absolutely certain that you are truly marrying his father for better or for worse... and plan to stick around permanently (and if the answer is yes... than you should adopt him... if he is okay with that and your fiance is too). The last hing this kid needs is to get attached to you and then have you bail out because it's more work than you thought you were signing up for.

Discuss all of your concerns BEFORE getting married.

Answer 3

I really think that you are asking the wrong questions. Nowhere have you mentioned the word love, not for the man, nor for the little boy. If you are worried about becoming a full time "babysitter" for this child you should not marry his father. You should be referring to him as "son" but it sounds like he's more of a burden. Are you the babysitter now? Why do you think that would change if you move far away?

Answer 4

I would honestly say it depends on where you are moving to and moving from. I'm speaking international more than anything, you didn't give a lot of info.

Many other countries do not have the same social liberties towards women. Please keep this in mind.

Moving needs to be a mutual choice, talked about openly between the two of you. Since you are already saying you're worried aboiut being a baysitter for the baby, it worries me a little. you need to discuss this with him.

And no matter how much you love him, check out the cultural attitudes towards women. That'll shed light on him and the situation in general. It might say what he won't.

Good luck.

Answer 5

It shouldn' matter how far he takes you away to live, it matters if you wonna marry him or not. I'm sure he wouldn't want you to "baby-sit" his son but be a mother. It's called playing your roles in marriage. If he was your biological son and your boyfriend was childless..what would he do? Go ahead and adopt him..give him that motherly love every child needs while growing up. It's hard to stay with a step mom who doesnt care...step up and take responsibility because once you're married you and your husband are one...since he has a son thats apart of him, he becomes a part of you 2!

Answer 6

I guess I sat on the opposite side of this situation. My first husband died leaving me with our then 3 month old son. When my son was 3 and a half years old I started dating my current husband.

He loved me, he loved my son. My son calls him Dad, we've had two more children and my husband treats them no differently.

To love the man, you have to love his child too or it will never work. You will be his stepmom. It is absolutely possible. As for whether or not you should adopt him, thats up to you, and your soon to be hubby to decide.

As far as the boy being spoiled. Only children often are. Also children who have lost a parent, seem to get bombarded with gifts. It's natural, doesn't mean its permanent.

Answer 7

You say the son's spoiled and you don't want to be a babysitter so NO you should not under any circumstances adopt that child. He needs a mother. Not someone who will resent him. I suggest you either learn to accept this boy as a part of the package deal or move on to a man that doesn't have children. Don't make this boy pay for the mistakes of adults.

Answer 8

The fact that you do not love the son as well, and that you are even questioning the matter means you need to either work on the situation before moving in and marrying this man, or let it go.

being a step parent is very challenging and you have to be up for the job.

good luck!

Answer 9

HI THERE HOW FAR IS HE TAKING U OUT OF STATE ? IS THE CHILD THE PROBLEM TO YOU ? DOES THE CHILD RESPECT YOU ? DOES THIS MAN SHOW YOU HIS LOVE AS WELL ? DO YOU FEEL COMFORTABLE WHEN YOU ALL ARE TOGETHER OR DO U SEE SOMETHING NOT RIGHT AND FEEL OUT OF PLACE. IT IS YOUR LIFE NO ONE CAN MAKE YOU DO ANYTHING U DO NOT WANT. THINK REALLY WELL WHAT U WANT IN YOUR LIFE IS THIS MAN WILLING TO MARRIED YOU FOR LOVE OR PAPERS THESE ARE JUST A FEW QUESTIONS THAT ONLY U CAN ANSWER. IT IS A BIG STEP TO TAKE AND THAT STEP CAN BE FOR A WHILE . IN YOUR LOCAL NEWSPAPER IS WHAT WE HERE CALL ASK ? U CAN WRITE TO YOUR NEAR LOCAL NEWS EVEN ON-LINE AND ASK A PROFESSIONAL BUT IT ALL ADDS TO YOUR OWN MIND AND JUDGMENT IN YOUR OWN LIFE. GOOD LUCK AND GOD BLESS

Answer 10

If you love this man enough you need to love his son just as much or else you will be the one getting hurt in the end. Just be yourself with the child, children have a wonderful way of sensing when we are pretending. It is very possible to make this work as a wonderful family unit. I wouldn't consider adoption just yet, that is something you and your boyfriend need to discuss in the future. Good luck.