okay...i have a major question for the adults here:?

Question

my daughter has really odd and unique yellow-white eyes.
sometimes she looks almost eerie, like a ghost.
she also has almost white skin, so really looks......well........dead, i guess.
sometimes when we are shopping she always picks clothes all one color, like no desighner labels, just a pale white no desighn skirt, or all black.
i think she will have even more of a hard time ajusting in her new school, shes starting middle school this year, and with those outfits im afraid kids will make fun of her, or just be scared.
should i intervene?

Answer 1

I think unique is beautiful and I'm sure your precious daughter is beautiful inside and out. Having said that, there's one thing you could suggest if she's old enough: maybe different color contacts for her eyes for the fun of it. I am not suggesting that for her to hide her eyes because I don't believe in hiding---but if she wore them sort of like an accessory (like pierced errings), then that might open you and her to more clothes varieties, whether they are plain colors or not. Let's face it, women spend a lot of energy enhancing our "looks" so that is a thought. As far as intervening, are you sure the kids make fun of her? In any case, I commend you for being such a caring mother.

Answer 2

Let her be herself. If you try to push her into something that she doesn't like, she will most likely resent you for it. Let her be an individual. She's obviously not too worried about what the other kids will think of her and I think that is great. It's most likely something she will outgrow anyways. When I was 13 I went through my "black" phase, where that was all I would wear. The more my mom griped about it, the more it made me want to wear it. Once she left me alone, it didn't take me long to grow out of it. Sometimes it's a rebellious thing. As long as it doesn't seem like there's anything else wrong (like drugs or anything) let them be an individual. Now if she starts getting into the revealing clothing and such, that's where I would put my foot down. There has to be some kind of limits.

Answer 3

I can see why you'd be worried. But you have to be very careful about how you word what you say, or she may be just as tormented thinking that you don't approve of her looks.

Maybe buy her a shirt that would compliment her skin tone, and talk with her about buying clothes that compliment her wonderful features, and not exaggerating her not-so-wonderful ones. Point out yours as well, and give her an example.

Maybe she'll realize that she's not allowing her beauty to show through, and that others, especially in middle school, will take advantage of any weakness they see in others. If she doesn't take your advice, I just wouldn't force the issue. Sometimes you have to learn lessons the hard way. It's awful that society does this to people, but we just have to deal with it. Good luck.

Answer 4

This is a tricky one. You want her to know how much you love her but that the rest of the world has a different set of standards. Maybe the best way to do this is with a camera. Take your cellphone in as she gives you the fashion show of the items picked out. You can point out to her when something is washing her out. If she can see it herself and make her own decision it's always better than you directing her. If she doesn't agree then let her dress as she wishes. Style is a matter of personal preference and she is trying to develop her own.

Answer 5

I wouldn't.
When I was a teenager, I wanted to be a rocker and grow my hair and wear heavy metal t-shirts. When you're young that kind of thing has to do with identity and it's very important to you. My parents were very conservative and were dead-set against it and forced me to keep my hair short and wear shirts and pants. But I think their attitude only nourished the rebel in me, and made me feel like I couldn't be myself and I felt even more like an outcast at school, because I felt I didn't have the liberty to express myself.
By allowing your daughter to dress like she wants, she'll get a sense of personal freedom. If she sees it's not working for her, she'll change by herself. By telling her what she can and can't wear, you're only strengthening her resolve and posing as the bad guy, making communication more difficult. It sounds like a harmless phase to me. Other kids at school are probably in the same kind of stuff and she'll find a niche. She'll outgrow it a lot quicker if she's made to feel it's her decision.

Answer 6

no. but you might ask her her opinion on her choices. she is expressing herself right now, and you should allow her to. she isn't hurting anyone. you might ask if she wants some help with clothes or makeup or hairstyles. ask in a nice way so she can say yes or no. I see it is a bit too young for makeup still, but maybe other things.
are you sure something is not wrong with her for her eyes to be yellowed? that sounds like a problem I've heard about but can't for the life of me recall what it was. is she getting enough vitamins, etc.?
you might also counsel her on other kids and how to deal with someone making fun of her, bullying etc. that way if it does happen she will be prepared and not think it is her fault. but let her be her individual self.

Answer 7

Are the pupils yellow? Or are the whites of her eyes yellowed?

That, along with her skin color may indicate an albino. Does she have sensitivity to light? Maybe you should have a doctor guiding you about this.

The clothing thing... No harm in all one color. I wouldn't worry about that.

I would refuse to allow it if she wears low riser jeans, bare midriff, or deeply plunging necklines, or skirts too short, or if her clothes are skin tight.

Answer 8

The only intervening you should do is get her to a doctor to make sure she's not anemic or worse. If she's healthy, just pale, don't tell her what to wear. As long as she's covered be proud. Saying something doesn't look good on her will only hurt her feelings and make her look ugly. You don't want to ruin your baby's self esteem.

Answer 9

I would say help her out, explain to her that she will look better in different colors, if she absolutely refuses to wear or even consider those clothes there is probably something wrong with her (like the people above said).

Lighter colors rather than darker colors will probably look better on her because of her pale skin ...

Answer 10

Just teach her to be strong and confident. She already knows she is different and chooses to express a different style. Let her know you are proud of her for being herself and that you're there if she needs any help dealing with mean kids. Maybe work on some canned responses to teasing, so she is comfortable and prepared to respond. Encourage her to get involved in activities she's interested in, so people can get to know her and not just what she looks like.