Will I regret not having my parents at my wedding?

Question

I have never felt totally comfortable with them.They make me feel like I am under-excited about everything because they are always trying too hard. I think it has to do with being adopted.

My fiance absolutely does not want his parents there on his wedding day, for reasons I respect and understand. He wants us to be totally comfortable, which I agree with.

So how do I get over this feeling that I am doing something wrong?

We aren't inviting anyone else to our ceremony except the couple that introduced us, and we are having 2 parties when we get back so our parents can invite their friends over for a celebration.

My parents have known what our plans were since 9 months ago, and I have talked to them a few times about how I love them and do not want to exclude them, but need to do what is right for my fiance and I. As I got closer and closer to the date, I wrestled with the question over and over again. But I have decided to stick to my original plan and only have our friends there to witness. Thanks.

Answer 1

Your wedding day is about people who are supportive of you and make you feel comfortable and loved. If parents don't fit the bill, then you're doing the right thing by omitting them. It's your day!=)

Answer 2

The fact that you feel like it's wrong suggests that you will regret it. What you are doing is basically a slap in their faces. If it was a serious reason for not inviting them such as an issue of abuse then I would say no, but not inviting them because they get excited? Because they love you so much that they try too hard? Chances are it's going to hurt them very badly if they aren't invited and that's a hard gap to move away from. I know my sister didn't invite my parents though they were all set to pay for their own travel there and the distance can be felt four years later.

If you don't invite them at least have the courage to sit down with them and explain why. They deserve to know.

Answer 3

I am also adopted but I feel totally the opposite...I wish I could understand what you are going through, but they are your parents. Just think of where you would be, or what would have been different, if they didn't adopt you.

I am thankful everyday that I was adopted by my parents...they are the only parents I have ever known, or care to know. Make your peace with them because they love you more than anything. They opened their lives to you and brought you up.

I have been in contact with my biological mother only a few times...I know that she has a sister, who has 2 other children. I know that they live in Washington state and I've seen pictures. I have only talked to her twice and, in all honesty, I'm glad. I'm happy that I found her, but she isn't my mother.

Think really hard before not inviting your parents to the ceremony and think about what would have been.

Answer 4

Listen to your gut. If you truly feel your parents should attend your wedding then they should be there. Many marital problems and problems with in-laws often begin at the wedding with a perceived slight of some sort. Make the decision you feel will make you happy in the long run. Also, consider why you want a small wedding. If it's purely financial reasons that's one thing. If you don't want certain people there that's another.

One thing young couples often underestimate about marriage is the impact that each other's families will have on your relationship once you marry. It's not just you and him anymore. It's you, him, your family, and his family. It's very important that you start off with at least civil relationships with each other's families. At the very least the two of you must be on the same page about how you deal with each side of the family.

Answer 5

Well,
Me and my fiances are having our parents there. I don't know much details, but why not invite them, they provided for ya all your life up to now. Its one day. Or you could do a small ceremony with just two witnesses which are usually not related to you and have them there to sign the witness papers, then when your parents ask why they were not there, just say you had two witnesses and that was it and have a hall ready for them and guests, there are lots of ideas. Hope this helps.

Sincerely,
Wee Man.

Answer 6

If you even have to ask this question, then you probably aren't even mature enough to get married. Of course your parents try too hard. They are your parents. They love you. They only want what's best for you. Sure, they're annoying and maybe they make you feel uncomfortable, but I think that all parents are like that. I love my mom so much, but man, that woman gets on my nerves. Does that automatically mean she was nixed from my wedding? Hell no. She's my mom. Plain and simple. She carried me, she birthed me, she raised me and taught me, she gave me food and shelter. She tried damn hard to make my life easy. I know your parents didn't "birth" or "carry" you themselves, but they saved you from a life which may or may not have been worse than what they provided you. I'm sure it was always their dream to see their baby walk down the aisle.

Suck it up, you'll only have to deal with them for a few hours. Then you all can start living your separate lives again.

Good luck. And congrats.

PS: Don't use adoption as an excuse. I'm not adopted, and I feel the same way that you feel. My mom is adopted and the felt the same hardships I felt growing up. It's not your parents' faults that they are uber-hyper and you aren't.

Answer 7

I guess everyone relationship is different, and I would never get married without my father walking me down the isle. We did it the opposite way of how people usually do it. First we had the big 170 people wedding (religious) and with all the trimmings and then went to the islands and had a civil ceremony in Jamaica and our parents were upset we didnt invite them to Jamaica with us.

Answer 8

It's up to you if you want to invite them or not. Usually parents do show up to the weddings; however, in the current situation I am also if i were to get married w/ my bf in 2-3 yrs i dont think my parents would show up due to personal problems. Invite them to the party

Answer 9

Comeon: This whole scenario sounds like a disaster waiting to happen in the future AFTER you are married. I would, put the breaks on, this one ! Why ? ... Because YOU two sound too immature to be taking on such a RESPONSIBILITY as marriage. I can see, perhaps, one of the two of you having issues with one of the parents on either side - but to simply, write-off BOTH sets of parents to attend your wedding proves that you two are not ready to be a couple "until death does you part" !!! I'm being very objective here with reason ! Not "feeling comfortable" is never a reason for not having your parents at the event of your life-time. You being adopted does figure into the "equation" ( the "parent" factor) . Save yourself a lot of heartache later, and hold off on the wedding until your "feeling of doing something wrong" becomes "I feel good that the parents, who adopted me and gave me a life of concern and identity, are here, at my husband's and mine wedding !" You will be glad that you did - later on !!! Good luck to you , "comeon".

Answer 10

Elope!! Sounds like the best thing to do in your situation!
That way it would just be you and him and NO ONE would get their feelings hurt.
Yes...the two of you are getting married but sometimes we come across situations where we need to think about others. If you were planning on a church wedding and didn't invite your parents. I am sure they would be upset. and you would have to live with your decision the rest of your life
Good luck!