they have 2 kids together, I hear her name and it makes me soooo angry. I resent his kids coming to stay, I resent looking after them. I wish he didn't have kids with her. or have kids at all. I wish I'd fallen in love with someone with no ties. Apart from finishing with him, how can I overcome this?
2006-12-10 07:17:03 · 23 answers · asked by Nick J 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Those children sure didn't ask you to fall in love with their father, just like they didn't ask to be born. You need to remind yourself these children don't need your resentment, they are children and simply need love and guidance.
Your hatred towards their mother has NOTHING to do with them, get over it, He has chosen to be with you, not her. But I can guarantee that if you keep this up and he loves his children he will leave you just to make sure his kids don't see the hatred all the time.
2006-12-10 07:29:50 · answer #1 · answered by blueangeleyes1975 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Life can be a ***** mate, i am slightly lost here, why does her kids with "him" stay with you. All i can work out is and stop me if i am wrong, is there was you and her, you split up it may of been her fault since then she has had some kids which are not yours. You hate hearing a female name. Or you are a female but the man you love has gone off with another woman, but it still does'nt tell me why you are looking after his kids, or is it that he brings them home to you because these are his kids from a first marriage, yes i think i have it now ,Well my dear i just don't know as i am worn out trying to get to the bottom of this
2006-12-10 15:30:02 · answer #2 · answered by nessie 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to make your wish come true. Someone with no ties! I'm sure the kids know you resent them and if your here telling all I'm sure you've said so to him as well. You need to cut out now before you ruin Daddy and kids relationship.
2006-12-10 15:38:02 · answer #3 · answered by sassywv 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi Nick you feel left out of it. It's more a case of you don't have many choices. Try looking at the positive choices you have. Amean if you really love the guy? He has baggage. Try keeping distant from his kids to begin with,let them come and find you. Resent, Hate, No. you're just confused. Good Luck
2006-12-11 15:03:32 · answer #4 · answered by Phew 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can only hate her if she has done something wrong to spoil your present relationship, but apart from that, you shouldn't stress yourself through displaying such animosity, even to her children.
I believe your partner told you beforehand about his kids and this arrangement of them coming to stay; I find your behaviour flabbergasting as it smacks of hypocrisy. If you love your partner, then you've to be prepared to love his kids and remember the latter didn't fall from heaven, they were born by someone like you. So act like a mature person and decide your fate rather than hating people for no particular reason.
If you love this guy and wish this relationship to blossom, then discuss your uneasiness with this set-up and plan on how you want your future to be as partners. If this requires that you have children of your own, then you have to reach a compromise on how his kids will fit in. I know kids can be hostile to a step mom, but should you want to win their love, then you have to love them first. Remember, children always believe that the woman in love with their father was responsible for making their mom leave; so tread your ground carefully or else find yourself a new partner who has no kids.
The best anecdote for such relationships to work is once in love with your partner, be it a female or a male, then you must also fall in love with the children. The children are like a caravan which has to be towed by a car. The choice is yours!
2006-12-10 15:49:25 · answer #5 · answered by marizani 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How can you blame the children for it and resent them? They are innocent children!
The problem is in your own heart. The resentment and bitterness will eat you up if you don't learn to accept that he was with someone before you. You should love the children as part of his life if you love him.
You relationship will tear apart if you don't turn your hate into love.
Best Wishes,
Sue
2006-12-10 15:20:39 · answer #6 · answered by newbiegranny 5 · 5⤊ 1⤋
You are really not accepting the man at all.He came with children and it's not their fault their parents split up. You need to get control of all this hatred. Firstly he is with you and not her. By accepting him you accept his kids ... this situation is not going to change so you are going to have to change your way of thinking. Hate is an emotion, and to be perfectly honest, I think you should finish this relationship, because there are kids involved and they are entitled to a happy youth without any added negativity. You need to find yourself a single man!
2006-12-10 17:58:42 · answer #7 · answered by lynne 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
how selfish....if you want to keep your man you have to include his children, they come as part and parcel, you should not resent them because you have a problem with his ex...why are you so jealous of his ex...you are with him now, not her.....get over it.....like it or lump it madam.....his kids are here forever...if you cant handle that then get the hell out of the relationship.....also kids pick up on bad vibes...they will come to hate you if your giving off this kind of attitude each time they come to visit...you will eventually lose that man and it will be all down to your jealousy and selfishness......i
2006-12-10 17:08:45 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Realize that the past is just that - the past. We all have them and bring different forms of baggage with us into relationships, especially the older that we get. Be proud that your man is a stand up father to all his children and not a drop dead dad to the children from his previous marriage. Discuss these insecurities with your husband then put them to rest.
2006-12-10 15:26:05 · answer #9 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
all this anger and what for ? your partner dose have a past and it's not the kid's fault, if you loved this man then you should be able to love his children they after all part of him ,and they are Innocent in all this, think before you speak to them, they are only children after all, wouldn't it be better to make them really love you, and you could all get on, and by the way i have two step children and it has been hard but at least i would never give them the chance to hate me,,,,,now they are grown up they appreciate the respect i have for their father..
2006-12-10 15:27:12 · answer #10 · answered by twinsters 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋