My Teen Daughter?

Question

I'm going to ask a series of Question based on my child and dealing with her mother which the mother and I aren't together. These are real issue's.

My teenager doesn't respect her mother because the mother has made many poor judgment calls in her life, 'two other children involved, (not mine)', My daughter didn't know I existed which isn't my fault-mother married ran off didn't find them until 12yrs later.

After my daughter was introduced to me I realize that she lived a poor life, 'I hate that, D*mn I hate that', the other two children fathers either chose not to care for their child or can't at the moment. Here's the issue I can offord to give my child what she needs or want and I spoil her to death because of time lost plus she simply never really had nothing but the mother is jealus and the two other children is causing problems because they're not getting what they need or wan't. Should I stop spoiling my little girl because of the many problems it's causing the family?

Answer 1

This is an awfully complex question and there are too many maybe's to really give a good answer.
I'd say the REAL issue is WHY do you spoil your daughter - for real. This requires you looking inside yourself... has nothing to do with others. Are you just doing this becasue you feel guilt? Are you trying to play both ends against the middle?
Are you REALLY spoiling her, or just giving her things she needs to live a normal life? Are the other siblings truly lacking? Are they poor? Is the other parent just using things/words to make them all jealous?
You need to step up and BECOME the bigger person. DO you donate things/money/time to any charities? Why not try this out on your daughters siblings? Sounds odd, yeah - but hey - what can your loose if you have the money to try it?
These are kids. If you give your daughter a gift, why not give a gift to the siblings? True, they are not your responsibility - but so what? The only difference between them and your daughter is genetics and they are living in the same bad situation your daughter is. Being the bigger person, and the better man will NOT have any bad effects on you. Now, the mother of your daughter will be incensed! You will be inadvertantly making her look bad in some ways. I say, OH WELL. If you give and treat all the kids in the same generous way - with no strings - you cannot help but to come out looking (and being) good. And you will be affecting more than JUST your daughter's life. Your daughdaughters opinion of you will grow. Regardless of what she says to you - these other kids ARE her siblings, and even thought they will have 'issues' between them - she has a forver connection to them. Treat them as if you had love for them, and you can't but feel reward in return. Dont get sucked into the DRAMA of the mothers poor choices, make your OWN good choices and BE the better human!

Answer 2

why not give the others something too! They can not help it cause their mother has bad jugdements and they would be 2 other of the luckiest kids around! If you had not found your little girl and one of the other 2's dad came along and spoiled their kid the other 2 )one being your daughter)how would your daughter have felt! You can set up an account for your daughter though for college and you don't have to do for the other 2 kids. But , why not give them something to! Your daughter so , she doesn't get bad treatment from her jealous sibblings ... you have that power to change it ... you know! It would be the christain thing to do! I would stop spoiling her though and just give her things she needs as it could cause you problems later down the path! You be making a difference in all their little lives and may change the out come of their adult lives just because you cared! Better to share and care and if your are a giving man, please find it in your heart to be kind! It would make your daughter proud too!

Answer 3

You are in a tough situation no doubt. I wouldn't stop spoiling your daughter. Keep getting her the things she needs and keep seeing her and trying to develop a good relationship. She needs you right now and forever.

The other children are jealous and for good reason. These children's problems are because of their mother not you. They want their fathers too. However that is not your problem. Maybe your daughter will choose to live with you and make a better life for herself?

Good luck....

Answer 4

Are you in a situation that you can get the child legally? Being a teen is hard enough without all the drama of disliking Mom and half brothers and sisters fighting with you over your biological father. If your financially able to help her and want her with you petition the courts for custody. Fathers today have more rights to their children than they use to. Just talk to your daughter first and ask her what she would like to do before acting. Kids today are smarter and stronger than we give them credit for. If nothing else, set up a savings account for her, she might not use it now with the situation she is in but later on when she is of age to go out on her own she will have a little to fall back on.

Answer 5

No, that's your child. You can choose to give her whatever she wants. For the other kids, f*ck them. They're not your responsibility, and if the mother has a problem with you spoiling one child and not the others. You should tell her to go find the other 2 biological fathers and get them on child support. You can't help the fact that you want to give you child what she needs because the mother can't give it to her. You're not causing problems, you're just helping out what belongs to you. The others shouldn't matter to you.

Answer 6

I think that perhaps you need to separate needs and wants.

It's commendable to want to provide for your daughter to the extent that you are able. But there's more to it than just the Giving Of the Stuff. She has to get along with her siblings. While that's not your problem directly, it is your daughter's...which makes it yours by extension.

I respect you for making sure she will never need for anything. Wants, however, are another story.

One of the things she needs is love, not only from you but from her mom and siblings. You can make sure she has an easier home life by throttling back a bit on any unnecessaries.

Even you say it: You're spoiling her. That's more about your needs than hers, no matter how well-intentioned.

Good luck, Dad. Stay in her life.

Answer 7

wow this is a real issue.i think that u shouldn't stop giving your daughter what she needs but don't spoil her just give what she has 2 have and maybe find things 2 give her that her whole family could use so the other children wouldn't be as jealous maybe also since its around Christmas time u could get the other 2 children sumthin special so the feel better about themselves

Answer 8

first of all you should never stop spoiling your daughter. she is infact ur daughter. so giving her wat she needs and wants shouldnt be an issue. if the mother of ur daughter is having a hard time dealing with the fact that her other children arnt getting the same treatment thats her own problem. the other fathers of those children should be taking care of that. i think that you are doin the right thing. dont let anyone tell you otherwise and keep ur head up!

Answer 9

I would not spoil her. I would cut back on the things she wants. Give her only the necessary ones. The mother and other children should not be jealous. If they continue, try to get your daughter to come live with you.

Answer 10

Spoiling her seems to be the first logical answer but maybe just spending as much time as possible with her would be more helpful than material things. As far as the other two kids I would not worry about them and concentrate all of your efforts to your daughter. Just my opinion. Take it for what it is worth. I hope everything turns out good for the two of you.