My mum and dad divorced when I was 2, I saw him about 10 times from then til being 29 and then we briefly got in touch (my effort) for about a year as I was really trying to get to know him. He kind of played along for that period and we'd ring each other etc. I told him about 3 months into this period that my wife was pregnant with his first grandchild (i'm his only child although he's married twice since my mum). We then drifted apart, more that he didnt bother ringing me and I felt he should make an effort. My son was born last December and my dad doesnt know about him nor has ever got in touch. I think he's missing out so much, and my son will eventually ask questions about his grandad ; should I let him know about his grandson or let him continue to miss out?
2006-12-10 06:57:38 · 25 answers · asked by Ethereal 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I hgave not seen my father for about 15 years (I am 25) he has made no effort to get in contact (neither have I).
I am also an only child.
If I was to have a child, I would not inform him as in my opinion, to me, he doesnt exist any more.
Your situation is different, you appear to have had sporadic contact with your father and he was informed that a grandchild was on the way when your wife was pregnant. Did he show any interest?
If you would like him to have contact with his grandcild, then I would make one last effort to get in touch with him and perhaps arrange a meeting. Tell him how you feel and ask him to stay in touch, if not for your sake, then for your child's.
If he continues to make no effort, then I would be inclined to forget about him and get on with your life.
You will know you have given him the opportunity to change things and it was his choice to end the contact.
I hope everything works out for you.
2006-12-10 22:28:38 · answer #1 · answered by Catwhiskers 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It wouldn't hurt to drop a letter or call his way but don't expect him to change his ways and become the granddad you would hope for... It will make you feel better having made the effort even if he doesn't respond..
When your son eventually asks explain that your father his grandfather was never ready to accept the responsibility of being a father and grandfather.. If your son chooses to draw a few pictures or write a few letters when the time comes allow him to do so but explain he will likely not get an answer but it's ok to love his absentee grandfather...
Hopefully your wifes parents are still around so your son will have them as grandparents... And your mother as well...
2006-12-10 15:10:30 · answer #2 · answered by Diane (PFLAG) 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ouch, this is so sad. I'm glad to hear you have started a family of your own. I'm sure you will be a great dad and husband, unlike your dad. Send him and card with a photo of your son. At least he will have something to consider. If he does not reach out, do not blame yourself. Pray for him, he must be very unhappy. Enjoy your new family, spend each moment with them as though it were the last. If your son asks questions, be honest but kind. Just because people are adults does not make them "Grown-Ups". Congrats on your son. Peace!
2006-12-10 15:11:02 · answer #3 · answered by Indievoter 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't bother. Do you want your son to be disappointed by his grandad like you are by your dad? Please feel reassured that you have tried your best. This is a two way street and you're putting pressure on yourself for nothing. Have a great time with your son and learn from your father, don't do what he did. He's not missing out on anything because he's not interested! But maybe you feel you are missing out on a relationship with your dad.
2006-12-10 16:43:26 · answer #4 · answered by Stef 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, your dad is missing out - his fault not yours. We have had the same thing happen in our family where my ex does not bother keeping in touch with his children or grandchildren. Unfortunately I believe he will end up being a lonely old man all because of his own doing. Each of the kids tried and tried to keep in touch with him but he never returned calls, cut the calls short with excuses and never called on his own. He never bothered to get to know is grandkids (he has 4) hasn't bothered to come to weddings, funerals or christenings in all these years. You cannot force him into being the grandfather you'd like him to be just as your mother or you couldn't force him to be the dad you wanted either. I think that you'd only end up being disappointed and frustrated pursuing this avenue.
2006-12-10 15:28:01 · answer #5 · answered by junebug 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give your Dad one last chance. Send hiom a letter and a photo. Do not be afraid to express these concerns to him. If he does not respond there is nothing u can do about it. When the time comes u can tell ur son u tried. Sorry u r n this situation.
2006-12-10 15:40:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
send him a Christmas card one from you and your partner and another from his grandson, then leave the ball in his court, if he responds then have a word and let him know that if he wants to be a grandad it's for the rest of his life, as you don't want your son getting hurt. you can only try once then forget all about it some people are fools to themselves. good luck at least you can say you have tyred....
2006-12-10 15:15:45 · answer #7 · answered by twinsters 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would send him a photo of your son, together with Xmas wishes, and leave it at that!It will at least ease your mind, as you would have done the right thing. You can then continue this each Xmas, until your son is old enough to understand! Quite honestly children are very perceptive and as long as you give him your truth, he will work it out for himself!
2006-12-10 18:02:08 · answer #8 · answered by lynne 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would recommend maybe mailing a card with a photo of your new family. If that doesn't put a crack in the wall your dad has built around his heart, he's just not grandpa material and I wouldn't want to subject my son to the same longing for recognition that you've dealt with.
2006-12-10 15:00:08 · answer #9 · answered by tulsasfynestdyme 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Pay a visit to your dad and come visit his house, or have him come visit. Then have him meet your wife and son. A grandson is something you should NEVER let him miss out on. I trust you'll do the right thing.
2006-12-10 15:51:29 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋