You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
Your job is interfering with your drinking.
Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alchohol stream.
Your career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts.
The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
You sincerely believe alchohol is the elusive 5th food group.
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence? I think not!
Two hands and just one mouth.. - now THAT'S a drinking problem!
You can focus better with one eye closed.
The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
You fall off the floor..
Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you.
At AA meetings you begin: 'Hi my name is.. uh..'
Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed.
The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in..
You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alchohol, and [Women or Men].
Every night you're beginning to find your roommate's cat more and more attractive.
Roseanne looks good.
Don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass.
That damned pink elephant followed me home again.
I'm as sober as a judge.
The shrubbery's drunk from too frequent watering.
You wake up screaming 'TORO TORO TORO!' in the middle of the night.
2006-12-10 06:48:41 · 26 answers · asked by chris b 4 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Or you could wake up with a bit of string hanging out of your mouth, and hope that it`s a teabag.
2006-12-10 06:54:15 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
You can't get out of the bar because some idiot is standing on your tongue
You went to the bathroom to relieve yourself, pulled your shirttail out your fly, and peed down your pantleg.
You can't tell the difference between your spit cup and your beer glass any more.
You can't remember what you did the night before and neither can the pig that is wearing your pants.
You wake up lying naked, face down, in the gutter.
You are not really hung over til you have to put your foot in the commode and pee down your leg to keep from making noise.
2006-12-10 06:58:42 · answer #2 · answered by Mad Roy 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You end the evening being taken away in a police squad car and as the cop escorts you, you're singing 'Enter Sandman' by Metallica at the top of your longs.
2006-12-10 06:54:46 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
When the cop stops you for a tail light out, and you could have stayed in the car, but you get out and fall on your face..
2006-12-10 07:09:51 · answer #4 · answered by scrubbag 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Cherry Mistmas and a Nappy Yew Hear!!!
Hic, hic!
2006-12-10 07:23:52 · answer #5 · answered by b9721005 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
We wish you a Merry P*ssmas and a crate full of beer
2006-12-10 08:11:00 · answer #6 · answered by Kizzy_ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have two cousins one is a Scorpio Sun, Cancer Moon - WOAH NELLY The other a Libra Sun and Scorpio Moon So, Scorpio I say. ;p;
2016-05-23 02:31:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
lol, fav - Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alchohol stream.
2006-12-10 06:52:15 · answer #8 · answered by John S 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You forgot you are president of the United States.
2006-12-10 06:51:37 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Lhho now there funny ta for making me laff :-)
2006-12-10 06:55:37 · answer #10 · answered by kj 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋