There's a girl I work with who I was instantly attracted to when she arrived 4 years ago; I was in a relationship, so was she and so that was that. We became friends anyway and are really close, but about a year ago she split with her b/f and is single; i'm single too now and i'm really close to asking her out. Thing is, having been mates for 4 years, am I risking everything we have as mates for the sake of just plain old fashioned lust?
2006-12-10 06:29:58 · 25 answers · asked by Ethereal 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
How would you feel if she met some one else then left where you work and you never saw her again.
Or she had a bad accident, lost her memory or found another friend.
Life is full of what if's.
If you don't go for it you will regret it when you lose her. So if you both feel the same way then go for it.
What you gonna do - be single all your life?
No one knows their own future, so live for the moment, because life is short. And no one knows what is round the corner!
2006-12-10 06:44:00 · answer #1 · answered by kiku 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, lust can last indefinitely until it's satisfied. And yes, you would be risking a good friendship if lust is all it is, and you don't feel a deeper attraction to her.
Start slow to see where you two stand together. Go out to the movies, dinner, dancing, or whatever as friends, and see where the night goes. Laugh, talk, mildly flirt, be yourself, and have a good time.
If she shares your feelings, she will flirt back, and show the right body language. Then you would have a great basis for a relationship: attraction and friendship.
If she pulls back, or doesn't seem interested, then she sees you as a friend only. It won't hurt your friendship if you took things slow, and back off when she doesn't respond. She will attribute your behavior to the good time and upbeat mood of the night. You'll be back to work on Monday with no adverse effects from the "date."
2006-12-10 06:40:25 · answer #2 · answered by welches_grape_jelly 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems to me that even though you're friends, you still haven't developed any other strong feelings for her besides lust. Therefore, you shouldn't risk the friendship over it. You said everything you have, if there are feelings you might like her even care about her so it's not just lust then. Still is it worth it, can you resume your friendship if it doesn't work? Sit down, talk about it and find out.
2006-12-10 06:43:25 · answer #3 · answered by wildblackflower 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you KNOW that it's only lust, and you don't really have interest in her (romantically) beyond having sex, then no...it's not worth risking the friendship. Sex is easy to come by, good friends are not.
However, if you feel there's more potential here (girlfriend...maybe something long term) then it's up to you to decide if it's worth the risk to the friendship...if you go for it, and it doesn't work out, chances are the friendship will be changed forever, if it holds together at all.
2006-12-10 06:34:26 · answer #4 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you have been pining after her for four years, yes, I think that lust can last that long, being that you have an unrequited situation on your hands.
I think you should ask her out. If you don't, you will always wonder if you did. She will be giving you signs I'm sure if she's interested.
Check her body language and the amount of time she wants to spend with you.
After all, it's hard to girls and guys to be friends without that romantic component coming into play.
2006-12-10 06:33:17 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe that if you have a sexual attraction to someone it is often a recipricol thing, ie. I expect she has feelings of a similar nature towards you.
It also sounds like she trusts you, as she has let you be her friend; which is a good start. Speak to her; be honest, women always like that, if it's real. Say you always fancied her but also value your friendship. Give her time to think, no pressure, and let the anticipation build up. DO it soon though. If she is attractive she will have other guys buzzing around soon.
2006-12-10 06:52:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What if you don't hit it off as a couple, then you will feel awkard when you have to work together, i would try and remain friends and not give in to your lust, keep it as a fantasy for when you are alone lol
2006-12-10 06:36:48 · answer #7 · answered by Becca 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you should really think about what you are doing i mean if it is just lust and you two break up you'll lose the realationship and a good friend so you have to ask yourself is it worth it? and figure out if it is lust or love.,
2006-12-10 06:33:26 · answer #8 · answered by c.c 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I actually who hooked up with a coworker I lusted over for years. It was disappointing and based on my personal experience I would say you shouldn't do it.
2006-12-10 06:34:03 · answer #9 · answered by not*a*placebo*81 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why not ask her out for lunch a few times, say once a week? Easy to do if you work with her, and you're not committing yourself to asking her out properly. You could then see how you got on and what signals she gave you.
2006-12-10 06:34:13 · answer #10 · answered by mcfifi 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋